Archive for December, 2013

Here is a new feature at The Clem Report.  I will periodically be discussing what is underrated and overrated in the world today.  Pretty basic stuff.

Underrated:

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Pistachio Nuts:  Probably the best member of the nut family.  Almonds, walnuts, and peanuts cannot hold a candle to the pistachio.  Cashews are incredible, but they receive plenty of love from the masses.  Part of the reason that the pistachio doesn’t receive the credit it deserves is because people have to risk cuts, finger nails, and in rare cases loss of life to open those damn shells.  However, the prize inside the shell makes all the agony worthwhile.  The shell is actually the only thing that can stop people from completely binging on pistachio nuts.  I have never and will never do crack, but I sympathize with crack addicts, because I cannot imagine anything more addicting than chain eating pistachios.

QuizUp: Simply the best new mobile game out there.  Any quiz game that has categories like Disney Movies, The Wire, Logos, Web Culture, Breaking Bad, and Pro Wrestling to go along with the typical US History, Geography, and Science is good with me.  Even “educational” categories like spelling and Easy Math are fun little games to play with your friends.  And from what I have seen, girls loooove playing their friends in categories like How I Met Your Mother, Christmas Movies, and of course Friends.  Download this app immediately if you have an iPhone.  If you don’t have an iPhone trade in your Android/Windows Phone/whatever else you may own, buy an iPhone, and then download this app immediately.  And then apologize to all your family members and friends for taking this long to buy an iPhone, as you have surely disappointed them for years.

The Hot Chocolate Machine At Your Local Gas Station/Bodgega: For some reason getting a nice rich, creamy cup of hot chocolate is hard to find at stores.  Usually you are just getting packets of powder mixed with hot water.  And those packets suck.  You have a cup of chocolate flavored hot water and no one is happy with that.  However, if you find a machine like the one above, you are in luck.  You press that little button under Hot Chocolate and hear a little motor going to town.  That motor is working hard to create the most perfect little cup of hot chocolate.  It is rich, thick, and tastes like melted chocolate in your cup.  The only downfall of this machine is that you have to release the button at the right time.  Too early means your cup isn’t full, and too late means you have scorching hot chocolate all over the cup, machine, and floor of your local establishment.

Reviews on Amazon.com:  This is more of a shopping strategy than anything.  Before you make any purchase, you should find your product and Amazon and check out the price on Amazon and the reviews.  It will only take a few minutes of your time, but you will likely find a better price and definitely get a better idea of the Pros and Cons of said product.  In all honesty, you better have a pretty good excuse if you buy something and that purchase ISN’T through Amazon.com.

Funko Pop Vinyl Figures: Check out these cute little toys and try not to buy one.  Any product that can make adorable action figures out of Michael Jackson, Biggie, Rocky, Game of Thrones, and Thundercats is doing something right.  The hardest part is trying not to go overboard and buying too many.

Newspaper Delivery Boy/Girl:  While the Post Office says “Rain or shine, snow or sleet, we deliver your mail”, it is the newspaper delivery person that always comes through.  The paper is usually there by 6 AM and weather NEVER stops the paper from being delivered.  There are also no holidays or Sundays off for newspaper delivery.  That poor SOB is up tossing your papers every single day.  That brings us to…

Overrated:

US Post Office Delivery:  Again, they say they will deliver no matter the weather.  However, multiple times I have not received the mail due to bad weather.  I have no problem with halting travel during bad weather, but do not make this your motto and then not follow through.  Add in that they are off for federal holidays, Sundays, and a lot of package delivery is done by UPS and FedEx places a big fat OVERRATED tag on the USPS delivery service.

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The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade: Every Thanksgiving I wake up and randomly get into the mood to see the parade.  I have visions of seeing the balloons floating down Broadway and feel like I will be in the holiday spirit for a full month.  Then I turn on the TV and my screen is flooded with lip-synching pop stars and overenthusiastic background dancers for a show I have never heard of.  In all honesty, this is the annually the biggest let-down of Thanksgiving.

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Subway: This one infuriates me deeply.  Subway sucks, yet people LOVE it.  The low quality of the food there is equal to any other cheap fast food place.  However, the price of a sandwich from Subway is about the same price that any other respectable sandwich store charges.  Every time I have eaten there, I have gotten sick.  If you are eating a cold cuts sandwich and don’t use Boar’s Head cold cuts, you have already made a huge mistake.  Don’t compound it by going to this terrible, overpriced dump.  Jared lost all that weight likely because he lost the will to eat during his Subway diet.

CBS Fantasy Sports:  This should be short and sweet.  The CBS Sports fantasy football site is crap.  As is any mobile presence they may own.  If you play your fantasy sports through CBS, you are a dinosaur who fears change.  The layout is awful, the features are dated, and you have to pay to have the typical “commissioner” features that the other leading sites give you for free.  If you still play CBS fantasy sports, you likely also say “TJ Houshmandzadeh.  CHAMPIONSHIP” at your draft.  Grow up and use a different site.

Windows phones and tablets:  Simply put, Windows 8 kinda sucks.  These tablets definitely suck.  And for the amount of money you would spend on them, save a couple more dollars and buy an iPad.  If you want a tablet that can sync to a keyboard and run like a computer, just buy a laptop or a Chromebook.  Don’t fall for the sneaky snake tactics of the Microsoft marketing department.  Just trust me on this one.

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