On Wednesday, MTV announced a new season of The Challenge. All of America is now counting down the seconds until the new season starts, so I took it upon myself to rank all the cast members from this season in terms of talent. Talent consists of both physical and political talent, since you don’t have to be the strongest person to make it to the finals. I also compared each cast member to an NFL quarterback because it is another job where you need to be physically and mentally strong to win. And because I miss football incredibly amidst all this free agent chatter.
Preston- Adds absolutely nothing to the show. May hang around due to previous alliances, but truly has no chance. Clearly there for the stories and the partying. Next.
NFL QB Comparison: Brandon Weeden. Everyone’s least favorite QB and Challenge competitor together at last.
Chet- Showed a little bit of fight last time, but another person with no chance to truly compete. Add in a few jokes about his clothes and then his season is over.
NFL QB Comparison: Blaine Gabbert. Both have names that are a little different but don’t deliver results.
Swift- All rookies have to pay their dues on the show, and Free Agents will be Swift’s penance for being a newbie. Still an unknown quantity, so could surprise some people.
NFL QB Comparison: Mike Glennon. Could be good, could be bad. No way of truly knowing yet.
Isaac- Probably my favorite character from any Real World season ever, Isaac has only been on one challenge his entire career. And that ended pretty quickly for him. I am not sure how strong he is physically, but I bet everyone will love this guy. Probably too green to be any type of contender in this house of maniacs, I’ll still hold out hope that he makes it far. He will definitely be the coolest guy there.
NFL QB Comparison: Johnny Manziel. Impossible not to love both of these guys regardless of their ability. Still holding out hope that either of them become dominant.
Johnny (Portland)- I love Johnny, mostly because he seemed like a good dude and was part of the most adorable couple in Real World history. Basically like Matt Saracen and Julie Taylor. Unfortunately, it’s not going to be easy for a rookie to do much with all the existing alliances.
NFL QB Comparison: Alex Smith. I imagine Johnny will be decent enough to tread water, but that is about it. Could be better, could be worse.
Brandon- Once went on an impressive run in Elimination rounds on Cut Throat, but has since been pretty bad overall. He doesn’t seem to have much sway politically or any real advantages physically. I guess there is always a chance he rebounds, but hard to see it actually happening.
NFL QB Comparison: Carson Palmer. It has been a long time since either of these guys were actually good, but since you have seen it once you think they may have a shot to do it again. Winning it all would be a real longshot, though.
Dustin- Decent physical player, but lets too many people get into his head. The whole gay sex site scandal touches a nerve every single time and this game is not made for people that cannot control their emotions. Dustin always leaves the show earlier than most people expect. Basically what Dunbar was like before people realized he sucked.
NFL QB Comparison: Sam Bradford. Another player who seems like he should be good, but always ends up disappointing you.
Cohutta- Easily one of the most entertaining Real World cast members, it’s impossible not to love this redneck bastard. He has country strength and a little bit of political clout, but not up to the level of the regulars on this show. Despite all that, I still can’t believe he once had Kelly Anne at his beck and call.
NFL QB Comparison: Andy Dalton. He may not be terrible, but he needs a pretty decent team to do any real damage.
Jordan– Surprised the crap out of everyone last season, making it to the finals as a rookie with one full hand. He won’t fly under the radar this time, but will probably have some political power due to the respect factor. But in a pretty deep guy field, I can’t see him making the finals again.
NFL QB Comparison: Nick Foles. You are not sure if he was the reason his team made it so far last season or if he is just really good and competitive. Next season should say a lot about what they really are.
Leroy- Cool, fun, humble, and a good competitor. If you don’t love ROY LEE, then you really need to look in the mirror and examine your life. Can seemingly never get over the top, but has been in contention a few times.
NFL QB Comparison: Matt Stafford. Both reside in Michigan and would be fun to have a few beers with. Neither have won anything of note, yet though.
Frank- Straight up snake and basically the Frank Underwood of The Challenge. He is above average in the physical challenges, but is an all-time great schemer. Clearly at least 80% insane.
NFL QB Comparison: Russell Wilson. Doesn’t have the measurables of the other players, but all he does in win.
Zach- Not much really needs to be said about Zach. He is an absolute monster that can wrap chicks around his finger. I’m not sure how good his political game truly is, but considering a lot of this cast is younger, that should definitely help his cause. He won a championship early in his career as well and will always be a factor.
NFL QB Comparison: Ben Roethlisberger. Physical freak who can win it all or go off the deep end and miss the playoffs entirely.
CT- Honestly I WANT to put CT higher, but he only has 1 ring and may have cashed in a lot of his goodwill last season with the Diem nonsense. Lets be honest, no one can ever top The Human Backpack. Oh yeah, and that beard is bad ass. He probably psyched half of the house out with the beard alone.
NFL QB Comparison: Peyton Manning. Usually the MVP of the season, but most of the time he doesn’t get the ring.
Johnny Bananas- As smug as he is, you have absolutely got to give Johnny his due. He is a multiple time champion and does/says a few things that make the season highlight reel. This coming from someone who stopped watching the original Key West season because he couldn’t stand Johnny. But all the dude does is win, you gotta respect that.
NFL QB Comparison: Tom Brady. Love him or hate him, he puts trophies on the shelf. Plus, you have to admit both have a solid hair game.
Jessica- Jessica has a voice and personality that just grates on everybody and she doesn’t seem to be much of a threat to anyone.. A bleeding tuna fish has a better chance surviving in a shark tank than Jessica has winning this challenge. The only question is will she be the first person eliminated again?
NFL QB Comparison: Christian Ponder. No chance to win anything and everyone wishes they would replace him/her with someone new and competitive.
LaToya- Not sure how she will fair in The Challenge. As I said earlier, rookies have it tough enough as is. Wait and see.
NFL QB Comparison: Blake Bortles. I know very little about either of these two but feel like they will both be busts.
Emilee- She seems to have some mental issues, which the people in this house will pick at until she erupts. Could be an average player, but I don’t see her going far.
NFL QB Comparison: Josh Freeman. In the beginning, it seemed like both could potentially be factors. But it seems like mentally there is something just off in both.
Devyn- Like her Brooklyn room mate Chet, she is someone who will have some fun in the house but doesn’t have a chance to make it to the finals. Her past appearances on the show will clearly help her politically. But that’s about it.
NFL QB Comparison: Matt McGloin. Meh.
Nia- She makes Camilla seem sane and rational at all times. Nia should be the most entertaining person in the house, even if she only survives one episode. I am not sure what she can do on The Challenge, but I imagine your typical rookie growing pains will happen. Hurricane Nia was made for TV shows like this.
NFL QB Comparison: Ryan Leaf. I guess both can be dominant, but are amongst the craziest people you will ever see in their respective sports.
Aneesa- The ol’ wily vet somehow gets invited on the show, stays in the background, makes it near the end, and then completely flounders. That scenario is her absolute best case scenario again this season. *In my best Smokey voice* Aneesa will never, ever, ever ever ever ever win it all in The Challenge. But she will likely stay around much longer than she should due to her alliances. In terms of actual physical talent, would probably be last on this list.
NFL QB Comparison: JaMarcus Russell. Both are too big to seriously compete, yet stuck around much longer than anyone expected. The fans want the front office to move on from both of them.
Jonna- Definitely a survivor, Jonna will do anything to have a chance for that prize money. She has shown some spunk in the challenges and eliminations, but an appearance in The Finals seems like a real stretch.
NFL QB Comparison: Case Keenum. He had a few moments of glory last year, with some wild wins and comebacks. But at the end of the day you realize it’s still Keenum/Jonna there. Both probably party like rock stars.
Jemmye- A Southern party girl who will tell you like it is. Jemmye isn’t the best competitor, but in this group she is no slouch and will fight anyone in the house. Not having Knight around is probably best for her chances.
NFL QB Comparison: Robert Griffin III. Really confused about both of these people right now. Not sure if they will be in the middle tier or should be ranked better/worse. We’ll see how RG III looks with another year after surgery and Jemmye in a house without Knight before making any judgements.
Theresa- Someone with a very high opinion of herself, Theresa has never won anything of note. Usually causes an uproar in the house at some point and goes home shortly thereafter.
NFL QB Comparison: Jay Cutler. Pretty big ego despite nothing to really show for it.
Jasmine- In a house of crazy people, she may be the consistently craziest. Despite being likely the smallest person in the house, Jasmine usually survives on guts and effort.
NFL QB Comparison: Ryan Fitzpatrick. Doesn’t do it in the prettiest fashion, but somehow surprises you with magic.
Cara Maria- For some reason, Cara Maria rubs a lot of people the wrong way, which makes her life pretty difficult. She is always fighting with someone in the house and she has to have the record for highest percentage of times voted into the Elimination round. However, she can usually survive and occasionally goes pretty deep into the game. Something to be said for that.
NFL QB Comparison: Colin Kaepernick. Both are pretty young, seem a little different than their peers, and usually get hated on for seemingly no reason. Both have gone far but neither have won a championship yet.
Nany- Has quickly become an above-average contestant on the show. Knows how to use her alliances and body to her advantage, while being decent in the challenges. Should be able to last for a while. Legit smokeshow.
NFL QB Comparison: Matt Ryan. Relatively successful at a young age, both seem better than they really are. Once they go against elite competition, the wheels come off.
Camila- Sometimes she is fun, sometimes she is certifiably insane and scares the crap out of everyone around her. She always competes though and has survived her fair share of Eliminations. Will definitely be a factor in this season.
NFL QB Comparison: Phillip Rivers. Both of these players are really good and can become legitimately crazy during competition. Can fluctuate between one of the best and one of the worst, depending on the day.
Laurel- Clearly the Queen Bee of this season, Laurel is physically dominant like no other member in the house. In fact, Ev, Emily and Rachel are the only girls that compare to her, and none of them are in this season.
NFL QB Comparison: Aaron Rodgers. At the top of their game, they are amongst the best in the league. But somehow each only have one title despite being around for longer than you think. Seem to always leave a bad taste in their teammates’ mouths.Follow @TheClemReport