Knicks Narrow D-League Team Name Choices To 5. All Are Predictably Terrible

Posted: March 20, 2014 in Uncategorized

Deadspin-  Last week, the Knicks announced they’d be soliciting fan suggestions for a name for their new D-League team, to begin play in Westchester next season. Three days before that, the Knicks filed for trademarks on five potential team names. So, good luck with your submission, I guess.

The Wall Street Journal dug up the five trademark filings at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. They are:

  • The New York 914s (after the area code for Westchester County).
  • The New York ‘Bockers (self-explanatory).
  • The New York Plainsmen (after White Plains, home to the Westchester County Center where the team will play).
  • The New York Empire (self-explanatory)
  • The New York Hutch (after a nickname for major north-south artery the Hutchinson River Parkway, which is itself named after Anne Hutchinson, a British-born religious figure who settled in the area. Like “Knicks,” it’s a throwback to the area’s colonial history.)

Fans will get to vote on the team’s name in a couple of weeks, hopefully providing a nice distraction from that whole finishing-in-position-for-the-lottery-in-a-strong-draft-but-not-having-a-pick thing.

Lame on lame on lame.  As I said last week, we needed some name to slip through that was a zing at James Dolan.  I guess the Gulag did a good job weeding those out.  Anyway, let’s do a quick breakdown of these names.

  • The New York 914s- I’ve never been a fan of naming a team after a number.  It’s similar to naming a team after a singular object like “Magic” or “Thunder”.  You can’t be a “Magic” and you can’t be a “914”. Awfulness Ranking= Steve Francis
  • The New York ‘Bockers- We already have a team named the Knickerbockers that is shortened to the Knicks.  Now we are going to do basically the same thing by eliminating “Knicker” from the name?  Plus, if you partially hear a guy has been added to the Bockers from free agency, you aren’t sure fi it’s the NBA team or D-League team.  Too confusing.  Awfulness Ranking= Andrea Bargnani
  • The New York Plainsmen- I get that they play in White Plains, but the word Plainsmen should have nothing to do with anything even close to New York City.  Awfulness Ranking= Stephon Marbury
  • The New York Empire- Meh, seems lazy. Awfulness Ranking= Jerome James
  • The New York Hutch- I hate to criticize this one since it is my favorite highway in New York.  But like almost the rest of these, you can’t be a “Hutch” unless you are a piece of furniture.  A terrible name for a basketball team.  Awfulness Ranking= Shandon Anderson

Not sure where we go from here.  I guess having an awful name for the D-League team is our destiny.  Or Phil Jackson steps out of his teepee and names them the Zen Masters.  I could live with that one.


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