Archive for May, 2014

The perfect summer jam and music video.  Hot chicks, fun beat, and girls singing the hook.  Add in the chocolate syrup scene and it’s an all-time great.  When this song/video first came out, it got overshadowed by Doin’ It (a classic in it’s own right).  But everything about this music video drips sex and summer.  Happy weekend, everyone!

 

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Wall Street Journal- Pirates are on a hot streak this season. World-wide, the first quarter of 2011 saw 142 recorded attacks, up from 67 in that time last year. Off the coast of Somalia there were 97, as against 35 last year. Why? Despite some efforts by Western powers to patrol the Horn of Africa, pirates are still able to access capital, as any successful business must. The world’s first pirate stock exchange was established in 2009 in Harardheere, some 250 miles northeast of Mogadishu, Somalia. Open 24 hours a day, the exchange allows investors to profit from ransoms collected on the high seas, which can approach $10 million for successful attacks against Western commercial vessels. While there are no credible statistics available, reports from various news sources suggest that over 70 entities are listed on the Harardheere exchange. When a pirate operation is successful, it pays investors a share of the profits. According to a former pirate who spoke to Reuters, “The shares are open to all and everybody can take part, whether personally at sea or on land by providing cash, weapons or useful materials. . . . We’ve made piracy a community activity.”

I just came across this article last week, but apparently it is from 2011.  I don’t know how in the hell I missed this, but better late than never.  Where is the joy in investing in a business on the stock market and just seeing numbers go up and down?  Buying stock in pirates is where it’s at.  I bet the movie Captain Phillips probably scared off a lot of investors, so this is the time to get in the game.  Software piracy?  Child’s play.  Give me the old school stuff. PS- After I make my first million, I am buying a diamond encrusted eye-patch that is identical to this one.  Hell, I may become a Raiders fan once it’s all said and done.

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PPS- This Sportscenter commercial is further proof Pirates is back.  Camera don’t lie.

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Yahoo Finance- Data released Tuesday by the American Customer Service Index show that cable companies are one of the most hated industries in America. Indeed, while the average company scores in the high 70s on the index (out of 100), subscription-TV companies (these include traditional cable companies and fiber-optic and satellite cable companies) scored just 65 on the index. Only Internet companies (many of which also provide your cable service, so it’s sometimes impossible to differentiate) were worse, scoring just 63. It doesn’t stop there. Customer satisfaction with subscription-TV services fell 4.4% in the last year alone and with Internet companies it declined 3.1%….

Even if you do have a choice between TV and Internet companies, it likely isn’t a good one. Time Warner Cable (TWC)  gets the lowest marks among consumers, scoring a 56 on the index; and AT&T (U-verse) (XNYS:T)  and DirecTV (DTV)  the best marks, scoring a 69 on the index. But even those higher rated companies are still below average across industries. “We’re not satisfied with these results and are working every day to deliver a better customer experience,” says Eric Mangan, a spokesperson for Time Warner Cable. “We’ve introduced one-hour appointment windows, extended our TWC TV app for live TV and On Demand to more consumer devices, begun delivering dramatically faster Internet speeds and provided our Internet customers with access to more than 250,000 WiFi hotspots — and we are committed to additional customer experience improvements this year.”

Tomorrow Yahoo Finance will run a riveting story on how the sky is blue and the sun will rise in the East.  It is actually pretty impressive that no matter where you live, Time Warner sucks.  Asking someone in New York City who their cable provider is will trigger two responses:  “Time Warner.  Please kill me” or “Not Time Warner.  Thank fucking God”.  I have chosen apartments based mostly on the cable provider they had.  Having DirecTV and the Sunday Ticket seemed like a better option than Time Warner and hours of static.  Time Warner having a monopoly in New York City is just the cherry to top off the daily soul crushing that the Big Apple is known for.  Add in the fact that they are merging with Comcast (the 2nd-worst company on the list) and it adds up to some real super-villain shit.  F You Time Warner.

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A quick breakdown of each blogger on Barstool Sports and their Game of Thrones comparison.

If you aren’t caught up on the show, there may be a spoiler or two below.

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El Presidente= Tywin Lannister:  Total no brainer.  A ruthless mogul who is always getting hated on, but begrudgingly has the respect of the people.

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KFC= Tyrion Lannister:   A silver tongued drunk that loves smut more than life itself.  KFC may be taller, but he has the exact same running style and body type as Tyrion.  #SkinnyFat

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BigCat= Jon Snow: A bastard from the North (still have to verify this).  Time on screen has been increasing a ton through the years.  His dog will appear without warning sometimes.  Never really showers.

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Feitelberg= Jaime Lannister: The likely heir to everything El Pres/Tywin possess. At first glance, is a pretty boy that everyone gives shit to. However, is becoming more popular as time goes on.  Has one physical flaw that he will never get over.

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KMarko= Stannis Baratheon: Not seen on camera that much, but is ruthlessly efficient off of it.  King of the smokeshow.  Stoic.

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Smitty= Tommen:  The current leader of a place that no sane person would want to live, took over for a guy that people always bitched about, has a giant head, and loves kitty cats.

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Nate= Jorah Mormont: Does real good work and is liked by all.  However, cannot seem to get out of The Friendzone.

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Trent=Samwell Tarly:  Both live in the middle of effing nowhere, would be better if they were played by Chris Farley, and have already had a career defining moment.

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Handsome Hank= Littlefinger: The quiet one that remembers every insult along the way.  Will probably end up ruling everything before long.

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Millmore= Bran Stark: Young guy who does stuff on the show/site that no one else would have any idea how to do.

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Jerry Thornton= Grand Maester Pycelle: An old rambler who knows his shit, but everyone tunes him out quickly.

God I love this video.  It is basically a 90 second long unintentional joke that delivers EVERY.  SINGLE.  TIME.  Being a Mets and Knicks fan, I am usually on the other side of these videos.  But by the grace of God, I am not a Jets fan.  Here are the highlights of this masterpiece:

1. The video starts off with Johnny “Lam” Jones.  I know nothing about Johnny “Lam” Jones other than he was a wide receiver drafted by the Jets. The sneaky funniest part of this video is the nasal delivery of Pete Rozelle.  It makes every pick he announces 80% funnier.  Plus we get our first Jets fan appearance, saying it was a surprising selection.  God Bless their little hearts.

Johnny Lam Jones

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2. Freeman McNeil gets selected and we just get a shot of an 80s Jets fan all bummed out.  And then we see Boomer!  Mr. With Leather himself, giving his 2 cents on the pick.  When you can make the unbiased media (especially back then) biased, you’ve done your job as a terrible franchise.

Freeman McNeil

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3. This is clearly the climax of the video.  Rozelle announces that the Jets are selecting a quarterback and takes a brief pause.  He is letting dreams of Dan Marino pop into Jets fans heads with that pause.  And then he just drops the hammer.  Ken O’Brien.  Hands on head disappointment.

Ken O'Brien

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4. This guy really puts the video onto the next level, because Jets fans wanted Marino back then and to have this guy second-guess them right off the bat is priceless.  “Obviously the Jets know something that the people up here don’t”.  Gets me every damn time.

Marino fan

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5. Roger Vick gets drafted and Berman lets out an audible groan….

Roger Vick

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6. …Which sounds EXACTLY like the groan he gives after Jeff Lageman is drafted.  So much to like about this pick.  The groan.  The guy laughing in the red shirt (who is clearly not a Jets fan).  And of course the name Jeff Lageman.  He was born to be a Jets bust.  The guy in the red shirt was the perfect embodiment how every other fan base reacted when the Jets made picks back in the day.

Jeff Lageman

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7. A Mel Kiper appearance!  This was during Mel’s younger/feistier days, so it is a real treat to see him with his fastball.  Current Mel is exhausted by this point, being picked apart by the countless draftheads out there, let alone Todd McShay on his own network.  Mel critiquing the old Jets was like Mike Tyson taking on Marvis Frazier.

Kiper

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8. The Johnny Mitchell pick is great because we get to see a flock of Jets fans all crumble at once.  The “New York, New York.  Tight End, Tight End” line works thanks to the site of crushed Jets fans.

Johnny Mitchell

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9. And finally, ESPN brings in Mariano Rivera to close out this video.  Jets fans are going nuts, chanting for Warren Sapp.  Sapp looks like he is hoping the Jets take him.  And then BOOM, a right hook to the temple.  The Jets take Kyle Brady, Jets fans place their head into their hands, and Kyle Brady goes on stage and looks like he just watched his puppy die.  This clip has it all.  Excited Jets fans, a Hall of Fame player who they should have drafted, heart broken Jets fans, and then a player who just was eaten up and spit out by New Yorkers before even getting to mini camp.

Kyle Brady

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So even if you don’t love the new draft format, you know the NY Jets Draft Blunders Youtube video will bubble up and make you smile.  Here are to the Jets making more memories, starting tonight.

I know tons of athletes do things like this all the time when a camera isn’t around, but this was great.  James is a real inspiration and David has always been a class act.  Despite the lack of success on the field, I couldn’t be prouder for this to be my favorite team and favorite player.  When did it get so dusty in this room?!?

Is that something you might be interested in?