The Dallas Cowboys Get The Mean Tweet Treatment

     

For some reason, we never see a negative Tony Romo tweet.  Trying to find a good, disparaging tweet about Tony Romo is like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles the size of Cowboys Stadium.

Anyone who has ever owned or played against Jason Witten in fantasy football knows exactly how accurate that tweet was.

What are the odds Dez Bryant tracked down this tweeter and beat him up?  65%?  80%?

I’m not sure I understand the Dwayne Harris tweet, but it is still a ridiculously hilarious statement.

However, the most accurate tweet was for Zack Martin.  Xbox Ones are awesome to have, but they don’t keep your feet warm and clean.  Just like a new playmaker is fun to have, but O-Linemen make sure your quarterback doesn’t need to have another back surgery.  Sometimes it’s about needs over wants.

The look Brandon Weeden gives the people behind the camera after he reads his tweet says “this person is 100% correct.  I don’t know why Jerry Jones is paying me, either”.

Brandon Carr attempting to read was as painful as it was funny.  I liked his fake outrage when he left after the third tweet, even though you know he doesn’t care what us peasants have to say about him.  Keep cutting those checks, Jerry!

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Brandon Belt Does His Best Babe Ruth Impression, Promises And Hits Home Run For Cancer Survivor In First At Bat

San Jose Mercury News- Lyndsey Dworkin woke up Saturday morning, climbed out of bed and asked her mom a question.

“Did that all really happen last night?” she wondered. “Otherwise, I just had the craziest dream.”

It was real, her mom assured her. Every magical moment.

Brandon Belt really did tell the 12-year-old cancer survivor that he would hit a home run for her at the San Jose Giants game. And Belt really did deliver in the first inning, blasting a towering shot over the right-field fence at Municipal Stadium.

The autographed home run ball sitting in the Dworkin home in Mountain View now serves as proof. It says: “To Lyndsey, My Good luck charm. — Brandon Belt.”

A ball is signed for Lyndsey Dworkin, a 12 year old girl who last year was diagnosed with Medulla Blastoma, a brain tumor. Inspired by her story, members of the San Jose Giants Players personally presented to her a pink autographed jersey with the promise to throw out a ceremonial first pitch upon completion of her treatment.

Belt made his promise just before game time, after watching Lyndsey throw out the ceremonial first pitch. The girl had chosen to wear a Belt T-shirt for the occasion, so as she trotted off the mound, Belt raced out of the dugout to say hello.

Belt, on a rehab assignment from a broken thumb, felt an instant kinship with the girl on the mend. Lyndsey has undergone 31 bouts of radiation and nine rounds of chemotherapy. At the end of the conversation, Belt told her: “I’m going to hit a home run for you.”

Brandon Belt.  Hit and miss power hitter.  Player that has been on everyone’s fantasy team already in his 3+ years in the bigs.  God damn wish granter.   Heroes get remembered but legends never die.

Below is what Belt looked like as he trotted the bases.

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15 Second Food Review: The Top 5 Brands That I Am A Food Snob For

With summer’s arrival and BBQ season about to go into full gear with the 4th of July, we are about to have another glorious year of stuffing our faces here in America.  With that said, there will be universal disappointment around the countries when certain brands are taken out of the bags for the parties and picnics.  Here are the top 5 brands I am a food snob for:

The Forrest Gump Honest Trailer Has Arrived

A few thoughts:

1. Couldn’t agree more with the Jenny hate.  The chick just breaks a mentally challenged man’s heart on the reg, hides his own kid from him for years, and finally comes around when she gets the bug.  Simply the pits.
2. Forrest Gump is one of my favorite movies of all-time, but if you remove all of the pointless running scenes (mostly the jogging across America), it goes up a full point in my book.
3. The Lieutenant Dan becomes an astronaut line was perfect.  That is why you must watch the Honest Trailers all the way until the end.

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90’s TV Theme Tournament: Final 4

I don’t think there are many surprises in the Final Four.  However, I will say that seeing Home Improvement beat Growing Pains 7-1 was a shock.  If I made a “greatest song ever” tournament, I would put the Growing Pains theme song in there.  Just putting it out there.  But I digress.  Onto the Final Four:

Summer Jam Of The Week: The Notorious B.I.G. -“Hypnotize”

My apologies for not putting up the Old School Jam Of The Week during it’s typical Thursday afternoon time slot. To make up for that, I am going to hit you with perhaps the best summer jam of all time: Hypnotize by Biggie. You are welcome. RIP B.I.G.!

A couple of quick things about this video.  No one could pull off the “holding a cane” look better than Biggie. As pimp as the day is long.  Simple facts, people.  And while we are talking fashion, the outfits the girls wore in this video are wretched. Nothing like giving attractive video dancers dresses that have too much flow and knee pads. I wish I had more hands so I could give those dresses four thumbs down.

When this chick appeared in the video, you could have convinced me should would be anything.  The next Tyra Banks.  The next Julia Roberts.  The next Preisdent of the United States.  It was all on the table for her.  MTV’s version of Helen of Troy.

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The Clem Report’s Breakdown Of The Knicks Draft

First of all, lets just remember that the Knicks didn’t even have a pick until the emancipation of Knicks fans from Raymond Felton.  Thank you Phil.

With pick 34, the Knicks selected Cleanthony Early.  Early was the best player on a team that went undefeated in the regular season, granted in the MVC.  But there have been enough players in the NBA that played against weaker competition and still made a good name for themselves (Steph Curry, Gordon Hayward).  Getting a player that can play on both ends of the court, has been compared to Clifford Robinson, and was predicted to go in the first round at pick 34 is a legit win for the Knicks.  Plus, this:

Clyde will work wonders if he’s handed the name “Cleanthony Early”

— Kevin McElroy (@knickerbacker) June 27, 2014

In Case You Missed It: The Clem Report’s 2014 NBA Draft Recap

The draft starts out with Chad Ford pulling a Schefter and spoiling picks right before they happened.  

Dear sports writers,

If you tell us the draft picks before they happen, there isn’t much of a reason to watch the draft on TV.  And if we just watch the draft on TV without going on Twitter, than my Twitter addiction kicks in and I want to claw my eyes out.  Cut the shit!

Love,

Clem

I wish I had Chad Ford’s cell number so I could text him GoT spoilers that I know from the books 30 seconds before they happen on TV.

— Kevin McElroy (@knickerbacker) June 27, 2014

The Clem Report Podcast Episode 1: Straight Cash Homey. 2014 NFL Over/Under Picks

I recorded my first podcast last night and I think it came out pretty well.  On this episode, I give five NFL Over/Under picks for the 2014 season.  I have included the full list of Over/Unders in case you want to make some picks yourself.

White Men Can’t Jump Proves It Is A Timeless Movie, Explains How The US Is Still In The World Cup

Gloria Clemente.  Jeopardy champion, sex symbol, World Cup tiebreaker expert.

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Gloria explains how the #USA is still alive in the #WorldCup #usmnt #whitemencantjump

A post shared by Clem (@theclemreport) on Jun 26, 2014 at 11:39am PDT

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