I Will Eat An Entire McDonald’s FIFA World Cup Bundle Box In Under 10 Minutes If I Get A Blogging Job Or 1,000 Retweets

Posted: June 23, 2014 in Food
Tags: , , , , , ,


So here is my pitch.  McDonald’s has released the FIFA World Cup Bundle Box.  It comes with 2 Big Macs, a 20 piece Chicken McNuggest, 2 medium fries, and 2 medium drinks for $14.99.  Despite the health issues this could cause and the complete destruction that it would do to my self-esteem, I would be willing to slam down this entire meal in under 10 minutes for a ton of retweets and/or a full-time blogging job.  And don’t worry about health insurance, prospective hiring managers.  I am under my wife’s health insurance (as long as you don’t tell her I am doing this).  My thoughts on the challenge:

  • I will probably have to tackle at least one of the Big Macs right off the bat.  Here is a little secret though.  I haven’t eaten a McDonald’s hamburger in at least 25 years.  I found them completely disgusting as a kid and only get chicken when I am eating a meal at Mickey D’s.  This also means I have never had a Big Mac in my life, so I am going into this challenge relatively blind.  I know of the fabled Secret Sauce and have an idea what it may taste like, but it is still a complete wild card.  Instead of being surprised by everything the Big Mac has to offer, I might as well know my enemy early in the fight.  Sun Tzu type stuff.
  • I would probably have to mix in some fries and nuggets after the first burger, since we all know McDonald’s fried food goes from pure heaven to complete cardboard when it becomes cold.  And yes, I will be mixing in some Sweet and Sour sauce with my ketchup.  Duh.
  • When it comes to drink choice, I am going to go with the fat man’s compromise, Diet Coke.  No matter what kind of crap you eat, if you drink a Diet Coke with it, you feel like you are doing your body a solid.
  • The end would just be an orgy of all three foods being mashed together straight out of Dr. Oz’s nightmares.  And I need to make sure I have enough drink left to wash down the last few bits of Fat Ron’s sludge.

Some highlights of the blog for anyone thinking of hiring me:

  1. If you Google “Ted Mosby Mexico Goalie”, my blog is the first result you will see.  That’s just me driving results, regardless of how random the goal may be.
  2. Can you find a better sports blogger?  Sure.  Can you find a better pop culture blogger?  Definitely.  But can you find a sports and pop culture blogger who will debate the superiority of rainbow sprinkles to chocolate sprinkles as long as it takes him to convince you?  I think not.
  3. The blog has been featured on Barstool Sports and by the Internet Baseball Writers Association of America.  So yeah, we do have SOME sort of traction.
  4. Am I borderline obsessed with blogging and completely addicted to Twitter?  You betcha.  Have I even created a Facebook account to reach people who don’t use/are afraid of Twitter?  Yup.
  5. Is there a 1% chance I just man up and do this challenge without the retweets or job?  Nope.  And it is not because I am driving a hard bargain.  It’s because I am somewhat terrified of what eating all that food in less than ten minutes will do to me both immediately afterwards and years down the road.

So there you have it, the ball is in your virtual court, internet.  Obviously I will post a video of me eating all this stuff online once I get the retweets/job.  And yes, I hate people who pull these kind of self-promotional stunts.  But why not play to my strengths in the game of life?

Again, please don’t tell my wife (kidding but not kidding).

  1. Wifey says:

    Too late.

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