15 Second Food Review: The Top 5 Brands That I Am A Food Snob For

Posted: June 30, 2014 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

With summer’s arrival and BBQ season about to go into full gear with the 4th of July, we are about to have another glorious year of stuffing our faces here in America.  With that said, there will be universal disappointment around the countries when certain brands are taken out of the bags for the parties and picnics.  Here are the top 5 brands I am a food snob for:

ma

5. Hellman’s Mayonnaise: Full disclosure, I am not a mayo fan.  I just don’t enjoy the taste of it, which is probably a good thing for my heart.  But everyone I know says that Hellman’s is by far the best.  I was actually shocked to find out that Hellman’s brand mayonnaise is the best-selling condiment in America.  So when I buy mayo for parties and whatnot, Hellman’s is a no-brainer purchase.  The other selections at the grocery store just look bootleg.  Get your act together, mayo companies.

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4. Tropicana Orange Juice:  You can go with the cheap stuff, but it is usually acidic or bland as hell.  You can’t go wrong with Tropicana OJ, and if the sight of the orange with the straw in it doesn’t take you back to your youth, then you probably weren’t alive when those commercials were on.  And I feel sorry for you.

gatorade

3. Gatorade: There have been many imitators, but no one has been able to take down the king.  Whether you are an athlete or someone with a hangover, Gatorade hits the spot every damn time.  Brands like All Sport and Powerade have attempted to seize the crown, but were not able to.  For the record my Gatorade flavor ranking goes Riptide Rush, Orange, Red, Yellow.  Also Lemon-Lime is YELLOW, not green.

HeinzKetchupSqueexeBottle

2. Heinz Ketchup: If I go to a restaurant and they have any type of ketchup other than Heinz, I feel like they are taking the cheap way out.  And if they are shorting you on the ketchup, God knows what they are shorting you behind the scenes in the kitchen.  Facts are facts.

boar

1. Boar’s Head Cold Cuts: While being stuck with non-Heinz ketchup is a legit bummer every single time, it is not a complete disaster.  However, having to eat cold cuts that are not Boar’s Head is downright wrong.  You don’t want to throw subpar quality meats do your gullet when you are eating a sandwich, that’s just gross.  Boar’s Head is so far above their competitors, they should have a full-blown monopoly on the cold cut business.  You shouldn’t be allowed to stock anything else in your store when it comes to cold cuts.  Have I ever eaten just the bread of a sandwich after finding out the cold cuts were not Boar’s Head?

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