NBC Looking To Sexually Confuse The Youth Of America, Casts Allison Williams As Peter Pan

Hollywood Reporter: NBC has found its Peter Pan: Allison Williams.

The Girls actress will star in the title role of the live Sound of Music follow-up, which NBC will broadcast on Dec. 4, NBC announced Wednesday morning.

She joins Christopher Walken, who was previously cast as Captain Hook.

This story pisses me right off.  You have one of the most attractive girls on TV and you have her play a guy with boyish features.  How does that make sense?  If you are hiring Allison Williams for a Peter Pan show, tell her to throw on some tights and wings.  BOOM, a sexy ass Tinkerbell that everyone will tune into see.  Instead you are going to have a bunch of kids wondering why in the world they are all of a sudden attracted to Peter Pan.  That’s on you, NBC.

By the way, I LOVE the thought of Christopher Walken playing Captain Hook and saying every.  Word.  With.  An.  Unnecessary.  Pause.  Should be interesting at the very least.  Dustin Hoffman raised the bar pretty high, though.

PS- I’ve said it a million times before and I will say it a million times again.  Rufio was a punk who deserved to die.  Either you are Team Pan from Day 1 or you are a traitor that deserves some pirate steel through the heart.  That’s just the way Neverland works.

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15 Second Food Review: The Clem Report’s Carvel Nutella Ice Cream Review

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My Carvel Nutella flavored ice cream review #carvel #nutella #icecream

A post shared by Clem (@theclemreport) on Jul 27, 2014 at 5:14pm PDT

This is another example of there being jussssst not enough flavor in the ice cream.  Nutella usually has a chocolate burst with a subtle hint of hazelnut.  The ice cream had the chocolate part down pat, but the hazelnut was a little slow to arrive.

When the ice cream melted a little bit, I drank it out of the cup like it was soup broth (AKA like a savage).  For some reason, the hazelnut flavor was much more evident when eating the ice cream like this.  If all of the ice cream tasted like this, the rating would go up to an 8.9.

A few other things to note:

1. When eating Carvel ice cream, you have to go with the Carvel plastic spoon.  It doesn’t matter whether you eat at the store or at home.  They are the smoothest spoons in the world.

2. Ice cream is always better when it’s soft and soupy.  Messy, but better.

3. If you are going to Carvel for a cake, you better be getting Cookie Puss or Fudgie The Whale.  Anything less would be uncivilized.

4. For some reason, I used a million commas in this blog.  I, don’t, know, why.

5. The old Carvel Ice Cream song was straight baby making music back in the day.  There have to be a million kids named Carvel that were born 9 months after this commercial first aired.

Rating: 7.8/10

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I’m Not Crying At TD Bank’s Thank You Commercial, You’re Crying!

<sniff, sniff>.  Sorry, the ending really got to me.  If the extended hours and endless supply of free pens didn’t make you a TD Bank customer, this commercial just might.  I have been with the bank since they were Commerce and I am still waiting for my free trip to Disney or a bouquet of roses.  But nonetheless, awesome work on this commercial.  Can the Mets hire TDBank’s PR guy immediately?  They can definitely use the help.

PS- Giving this long-time customer a free jersey, free tickets, and a chance to throw out the first pitch for his favorite team?  AMAZING.  But that free jersey being the same number as the biggest star on the team, yet with the customer’s last name on it instead?  Definitely less amazing (sorry, I had to call a spade a spade).

 

PSS- Other than the awesome giveaways, I think my favorite Thank You surprise would have been the Mariachi band.  Even when I was at my lowest point as a subway straphanger, the Mariachi could always make me smile.  Which is basically the hardest thing to do to a New Yorker whose heart has been eaten up and spit out by the big city.  Wait, what?

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Do You Want To See Mets Fans Being Tormented By A Sharknado Instead Of Being Tormented By The Mets Team/Owners?

Still not as scary as the 2007 or 2008 collapses.  And as much as I hate to admit it, the Mets being a part of a movie as dumb and silly as Sharknado 2 is the most Mets thing ever.

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Giants Fans Forget The First Rule Of SportsNation

There are only a few rules in life that you have to remember.

1. You do not talk about Fight Club
2. You DO NOT TALK about Fight Club
3. When someone asks if you’re a God, you say “Yes”
4. When one of your favorite players/teams is in a SportsNation poll, you vote in favor of the player/team every single time.

Do I think Eli can POSSIBLY throw 70%?  Sure, even thought it’s only a remote chance.  But if by some miracle Eli can pick up Ben McAdoo’s quick-hitting West Coast offense, there is a chance his numbers improve a la 2013 PHILLIP RIVERSSSSSS.

But that isn’t the point here.  My responsibility as a Giants fan is to vote Yes to this and thumb my nose at every other NFL fan base in the country.  Eli may be a goofy, turnover prone quarterback.  But he is OUR goofy, turnover prone quarterback.  I realize that some of the 271 votes come from New Yorkers that aren’t Giants fans.  But I also realize that some Giants fans forgot their duty as a sports fan.  And that duty is to constantly defend Eli by pointing out his two Super Bowl MVPs, sit back, and act like watching him quarterback your team doesn’t feel the same as a passenger in a car being driven by Helen Keller.

By the way, I understand that Louisiana is Eli’s home state and they will stuff the ballot box for him.  But how in the world did Eli get that much support in Oregon, North Dakota, Maine and Kansas?  Do these states only watch the NFL during the playoffs?  As much as I love the guy, there is no other reasonable explanation for these results.

h/t Greg T.D. for the link

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Rest In Peace Joseph Takagi (For Real This Time)

The Independent-  James Shigeta, the famed character actor who played memorable roles in Die Hard (1988) and musical Flower Drum Song (1961) has died.  “It is with great sadness that I report the loss of my long-time friend and client James Shigeta,” his agent said in a statement to E! News yesterday.

It’s just a shame that this had to happen to Mr. Takagi.  Joseph Yoshinobu Takagi.  Born: Kyoto, 1937.  Family emigrated to San Pedro, California, 1939.  Interned at Manzanar: 1942 to 1943.  Scholarship student: University of California, 1955.  Law degree: Stanford, 1962.  MBA: Harvard, 1970.  President: Nakatomi Trading.  Vice Chairman: Nakatomi Investment Group.  And father of five.

I know this is part of getting older, but I don’t think I am ready to start saying goodbye to the actors of Die Hard.  I had Takagi ranked at number 12 in my Die Hard Character Power Rankings.  Shigeta took a bullet through the head for his craft and still lived for another 26 years.  That’s incredible.

They say these things happen in threes.  So watch your back Al Powell and Ms. Gennaro.  Look both ways before crossing the street, Argyle.  And I don’t even want to think of a world without John McClane or Hans Gruber.

PS- I found this gem while messing around with my Google machine.  This is the only good thing LinkedIn has ever produced.

h/t to Z-Man

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Classic Youtube Tuesday: Real Life Goldeneye

The guys who made this absolutely NAILED it.  The Goldeneye blood spray, the double gun shooting, and of course Natalia being the worst video game character ever.  It is always nice to remember the simpler times.

PS- Here is a little “Two For Tuesday” Classic Youtube Clips.  Sticking with the Nintendo 64 theme, here is the classic “Nintendo Sixty-FOOOOOOOOOOOUR” video, which has it all.  The anticipation.  The reveal.  The fist bump celebration.  And then the slow-motion replay to put a bow on top.  Timeless.

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This Video Of The NHL Through The Years Is Just Awesome

Very Cool Historic Map + Incredible Song = This Gem

h/t @LowBallJ for the link

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Ladies And Gentlemen, I Present The Winners Of Comic-Con

 

“Yo!  Vincent Vega’s in the house!  Our man in Amsterdam!  Jules Winnfield!  Our man in Englewood!  Get your asses on in here!”

Sure Pulp Fiction may be 20 years old and there is about a 10% 1% chance these guys actually got laid out there, but these are the best non-female costumes I have ever seen at Comic-Con.

On that note, enjoy the best quotes from the movie.

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Peyton Manning Sets The Cool White Person Movement Back One Million Years

http://instagram.com/p/rAbhgPA_8H/

So this just happened.  All the countless hours of hard work done by Justin Timberlake and Johnny Manziel to make white people seem kinda cool just went down the drain in a 2-minute video.

This is exactly how I have always pictured Peyton Manning dancing.  I don’t care if this is some sort of Rocky Top dance or not.  If you throw in Wes Welker dancing like a maniac in the background and you can place white people back to ground zero in the coolness department.

As if I needed another excuse to link to an old Chapelle skit.

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