Best Daily News Headline Ever?: Woman ‘tripping balls’ on acid streaks nude in Arkansas city

Posted: July 11, 2014 in Random Thoughts, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,


NY Daily News- A woman “tripping balls” on LSD ran naked through an Arkansas city and fought with officers when they tried to restrain her, police in Fayetteville wrote in a startlingly straightforward report.

Incredible dash cam video footage catches Melissa Valencia, 21, streaking nude through a parking lot near South Church Ave. and West Mountain St. in the city in the northwest corner of Arkansas.

“Come here! Stop running!” the officer yells as he approaches the naked woman, who takes off when she sees the approaching police car.

A second car arrives and officers eventually grab the woman, who “ran approximately 75 feet to a pole in the parking lot and appeared to be attempting to hid from me,” an officer wrote in their report, obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Police first responded after a caller “stated (Valencia) was intoxicated on drugs and ‘tripping balls,'” the officer wrote.

A few things to absolutely love about this story.

1. “Tripping balls” is now an industry term in law enforcement.  I hope “balls deep” and “blind drunk” become commonplace, if they haven’t already.

2.  “Tripping balls” has also now made it onto a major newspaper in the biggest media market in the world.  I get excited when someone retweets a tweet/blog post that I wrote.  I can only imagine the pride of the dude who coined the phrase “tripping balls”, likely in the 60s.  Also, that guy is 100% dead by now.

3.  If we are being honest, this chick is a 4.8.  But being 21 and streaking bumps here up to a soft 5.7.  And I’m talking softer than baby poop.

4. If you aren’t doing mind-expanding drugs in Arkansas, then what the hell can you really be doing?  The people not doing LSD or cow tipping should be the ones who are arrested.


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