Pregnant Tarantula Missing In Brooklyn. Just Kidding It Was Just A Hoax By A Complete Psychopath

Posted: July 13, 2014 in Random Thoughts, Uncategorized
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NY Daily News-  He was spinning a yarn.  The man who papered his Brooklyn neighborhood with pictures of his missing pet Penelope — an eight-legged tarantula with a red bum and a bellyful of babies — caught everyone in his web of lies. 

The mystery of Penelope — if she was real or a fiendish figment of someone’s imagination — gripped most of Park Slope for two days.  But by Friday night, the prankster behind the hoax — who didn’t return numerous calls to the number on his posters — finally confessed.  “I never expected it to blow up,” he told The New York Times, which reached him by phone.

The man, who declined to give his name, said he’d decided to create the most absurd missing pet poster he could think of as sort of a lark.  His description of Penelope was so over the top, he never expected anyone to think it was real, he told The Times.  But the public fell right into the trap he set with his carefully designed posters featuring Penelope and her eight legs. 

So in case the noise, smells, ridiculous prices, pests, soul-crushing public transportation rides, and constant threat of terrorism wasn’t enough fun for an NYC resident, we have some sick son of a bitch in Brooklyn making up hoaxes about missing a tarantula.  And not just any missing tarantula, but one that could be pregnant with 400 to 1000 eggs.  

You know in The Dark Knight when Alfred tells the story about how “some people just want to watch the world burn“?  That quote fits this story to a T.  And you have to love the balls on this kid to act surprised that it went viral.  

When you move to a city, you realize that roaches, rats, and pigeons kind of come with the territory.  That is the unofficial contract you sign with your brain when you decide to pay a small ransom for a shoebox.  But an infestation of tarantulas?  F that noise.  I’m sure Brooklyn’s population dropped at least 5% just from the two days everyone thought the story was real.  Find me a hipster who is cool with living in a place infested with tarantulas and I will show you someone who doesn’t know what a hipster is.  

PS- Has there ever been a better/more fitting name for an animal than a tarantula?  You can’t do a better job making up a word for a giant, scary, hairy spider than can kill you.

PSS- I wouldn’t be doing my job as a blogger if I didn’t include the Home Alone spider scene.  



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