After Reading The Houston Astros Trade Leaks, I Have Found The Mets Free Agency Leaks (Or Made Up, You Decide)

Posted: July 18, 2014 in Baseball, Mets, Sports, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Deadspin- Two years ago, the Houston Astros constructed “Ground Control”—a built-from-scratch online database for the private use of the Astros front office. It is by all accounts a marvel, an easy-to-use interface giving executives instant access to player statistics, video, and communications with other front offices around baseball. All it needs, apparently, is a little better password protection.

Documents purportedly taken from Ground Control and showing 10 months’ worth of the Astros’ internal trade chatter have been posted online at Anonbin, a site where users can anonymously share hacked or leaked information. Found below, they contain the Astros front office’s communications regarding trade overtures to and from other teams, as well as negotiations—a few of which actually led to trades. You will find heavy efforts to get a big haul for Bud Norris at last year’s trade deadline (before settling for very little), pushes to acquire touted young talents like Dylan Bundy and Gregory Polanco, and even evidence the Astros rejected out of hand a blockbuster deal that could have brought them Giancarlo Stanton.

This story broke a few weeks ago, which gives some fascinating insight on what exactly goes down when teams are discussing roster moves internally.  The Clem Report has gotten its hands on exclusive chatter from behind the scenes of the Mets front office this winter.*

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Sandy Alderson, Mets General Manager: Hey guys, what do you think about signing Jose Abreu?  He may cost us more than we’d like to spend, but his price is much lower than a domestic slugger.  Plus he can play first base or the outfield, which is great news given our long-term uncertainty at both positions.  Fred?

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Fred Wilpon, Mets Chairman and CEO: Absolutely not, Sandy.  We just don’t have the funds for that right now.  However, I have great news. I just got an email from a Nigerian Prince that needs our help.  He said if I send him $10 million dollars, he will be able to repay us 10 times as much!  Saul, can you sell some of SNY to get us funds for this incredible investment opportunity?

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Saul Katz, Mets President: No Fred, this is an extremely well-known scam.  For the last time, THERE IS NO PRINCE and your money is going into the pocket of some faceless African scammer.

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Sandy Alderson, Mets General Manager:  <Sigh> Come on guys, I think this would be a great signing for us.  Abreu is a player that would be able to step right in and hit Major League pitching while also potentially becoming a true leader in the clubhouse.  The Cuban baseball pipeline has been extremely fruitful lately and I say we take a shot at helping our wretched offense.  Or how about Shin Soo Choo?  He may cost us a TON of money, but he will fit into the leadoff role that has been a problem since we let Jose Reyes leave town with nothing to show other than a compensatory pick.

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Jeff Wilpon, Mets COO: Sorry Sandy, no can do.  What about Chris Young?  He was one of the best players on my fantasy team in 2007.  He brought me tons of joy even as the Mets collapsed into oblivion.  Granted, I am the worst owner in my fantasy league and have never finished higher than dead last.  I always seem to overpay for players that outperformed their talent the year before.

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Sandy Alderson, Mets General Manager:  Alright boss, I will sign Chris Young for you and hope that we can find a trade partner in the near future.  The 2015 free agency class does not fit our positions of need at all.

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Fred Wilpon, Mets Chairman and CEO:  Thank you for your help in this matter, Sandy.  Our luck has already started to turn around.  I just received a phone call that I am a finalist for Publisher’s Clearing House!

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Saul Katz, Mets President: :Ties rope into a noose and stands on chair:

*These accounts may or may not have been fueled completely by my imagination and the utter ineptitude of the Mets Front Office for years.

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Comments
  1. Rose Moreno says:

    Mets scouting director Tommy Tanous according to [google it] Toronto Sun 12/06/08 suspended in the scouts gambling probe [later reinstated] … just another day in baseball 😁

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