Husband Makes Spreadsheet Of Every Time He Asks Wife For Sex And Her Responses. The Spiteful Bitch Uploads Spreadsheet Onto The Internet

Posted: July 20, 2014 in Random Thoughts, Uncategorized
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Daily Mail-  A spreadsheet that a man emailed his wife detailing her reasons for turning him down for sex has been shared by thousands of people online.  For a whole month, the 26-year-old sexually-frustrated husband jotted down every response from his other half when he asked her for intimacy.

He then collated the information and put it into an Excel document before cruelly emailing her as she arrived at an airport ahead of a ten-day business trip.  In the end, she decided to share her husband’s harsh behaviour with users of Reddit by uploading the spreadsheet.

She explained the couple had been together for five years in total but been married for last two. Although they had no kids, they bought a house together five months ago.

‘Our lives have been crazy busy,’ she wrote. ‘We spent all spring renovating our new house. At my job I was given nearly double my usual workload after some of my colleagues were laid off. I gained some weight in the winter and have been busting my a** at the gym to get rid of it.’

When you are a young man sowing your oats, you always get the stories to avoid marriage from the grizzled old veterans of the marriage game.  You hear all of the reasons why:  Your wife will nag you.  You will get dragged around doing crap that you don’t want to do.  And the once plentiful passion in the bedroom will dry up like the Sahara once the ring goes on the finger.

As a married man, let me explain this to the guys thinking about taking the next step.  This WILL happen to you.  Unless your girl is Isla Fisher from Wedding Crashers, a clone of the spreadsheet above will come to fruition in your life.  And if she is Isla Fisher, God bless her.

Just realize this: It is not your girlfriend’s fault.  These excuses have been branded into her just like the desire to spread seed has been branded into you.  She isn’t lying to you when she says that she is too tired or she feels gross.  But since she knows they have you locked up , she does not want to STOP watching Friends to engage in sweaty monkey sex with the chump that put that jewel on her finger.

My favorite response is (non verbal).  Is that a simple shake of the head?  Maybe she gave him the Mutombo finger?  Or better yet, did she just ignore the question altogether?  Like he said “honey, can we have sex tonight” and she just walked past him like he was Bruce Willis from The Sixth Sense and she was one of the living people (spoiler alert).  Also, “No” is short, to the point, and just takes away any potential wiggle room the guy may have.  But it isn’t nearly as disrespectful as whatever (non verbal) is.

When it comes down to it, getting married does have its benefits.  If your wife works, you have two incomes coming in which usually means nicer things.  Plus, being able to ask someone for backscratches without sounding like a weirdo or a pussy is a sweet perk.  When you get married, everything is basically the same.  Except the amount of sex.  That department will have the same hours as a CEO in the summer.  Just prepare for it.

TL;DR

Single/Dating: Enjoy every waking minute of your time in the bedroom.  Sex may not be on demand, but it should be pretty close to it (especially in a new relationship).

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Engaged: Coin flip.  The closer your wedding gets, the less frequent it will occur.  It is like women can smell the freedom once they have their engagement ring on.

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Married:  It is too late.  Get used to a whole lot of (non-verbal) responses.  Light’s out (and not in the good, having sex way).

5dnd0

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