The Best/Worst Time Of The Year: Mainstream Media Prepares To Make It’s NFL Predictions AKA Chalk City!

Posted: July 28, 2014 in Football, Sports
Tags: , , , ,

image_1 Just a friendly reminder that the mainstream NFL media will be re-entering our lives with their predictions.  A quick refresher course for what you will hear:

  1. Every team that made the playoffs last season will probably make the playoffs this season, despite the fact that this never, ever happens.
  2. No teams that came in last place in 2013 will win their division in 2014.  In these people’s minds, the NFL standings are the epitome of stability on a year to year basis.
  3. The only team that is not allowed to believe that it will be good is the Jets.  They should be the only team in the league that is pessimistic about their chances for the season.
  4. At least one analyst will participate in a mock fantasy draft and say something like “I don’t care what his numbers are, I want a player like Joe Flacco on my fantasy team because he wins football games”.  If you see this, turn off your TV and throw it out the nearest window.
  5. Every Super Bowl prediction will include the Broncos or the Seahawks, and likely have both.  The last Super Bowl with the same matchup as the year before was in 1994.
  6. The phrase “THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE” will be unnecessarily uttered 849,294,402,028 times (give or take).
  7. No matter what, we will eat up every single word because we are fiends for the drug known as THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

So it begins.


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