Denver Broncos
Over/Under Win Total: 11.5
Odds to win division: -300
Odds to win Super Bowl: 6/1
Underrated Fantasy Player: Ronnie Hillman. I believe that Hillman is the guy to pick if you don’t believe in Montee Ball or think Ball may get hurt. The coaching staff spoke glowingly of Ronnie Hillman over the summer. And don’t forget, No Talent Knowshon Moreno was able to beat out Ball as the starter last year. (more…)
More impressive feat: Winning two Super Bowls (along with the MVP) or winning the motherloving internet? Trick question, they are the tied for being the two best things in the world. My quarterback can beat up your quarterback and then make a relatively funny and catchy music video for DirecTV about it.
*Editors Note: God damn this division has an ugly color scheme
Baltimore Ravens
Over/Under Win Total: 8.5
Odds to win division: +275
Odds to win Super Bowl: 40/1 (more…)
NYPost- Now this is some kind of meltdown. One-time Yankees stud farmhand Jesus Montero, whose weight has ballooned since a trade to the Seattle Mariners even as his prospect status has deflated, lost his cool Thursday night and confronted a scout (from his own team!) with a bat — all over an ice cream sandwich.
The incident occurred in Boise, where Montero was on an injury rehab assignment with the Single-A Everett AquaSox. The bizarrely antagonistic scout apparently razzed Montero throughout the game then sent the dairy taunt to him in dugout — guess the vanilla insults weren’t working. According to milb.com, Montero approached the stands wielding a bat and threw the dessert while screaming profanities before he was restrained.
Man I hate the living shit out of Jesus Montero. First I had to hear Yankees fans tell me Montero was going to be better than Mike Piazza. Then he got shipped out to Seattle for Michael Pineda and promptly gained 1,000 pounds. I wanted Montero to become the next Jay Buhner AKA the player Yankees fans bellyached about years after the trade.
And then Jesus went ahead and pulled the ultimate food sin. No matter what someone says to you, you do NOT throw an ice cream sandwich at them. It is the king of the ice cream novelty kingdom (Choco Taco is the crown prince though, don’t get it twisted). Doing something ignorant as that defines the phrase “wasting your food”. I hope all the bad things in life happen to Montero and nobody else but Montero.
God damn I love Bill Murray. He is just like your fun, crazy uncle who always finds himself in the middle of wild stories. Except Bill Murray is a millionaire actor who creates those weird stories just to blow peoples minds. Using my trusty detective equipment, I learned that Murray is a partial owner of the team he was ripping tickets for. So you have the millionaire actor who is also a part owner of the minor league team that you are going to see ripping your ticket. Be cooler than Bill Murray. You can’t.
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A whole lot of chirping coming out of the City of Brotherly Love over this Cody Parkey fellow. I guess he hit a few chip shots in the preseason and has Eagles fans lusting over him more than David Akers and Chris Boniol combined.
I suppose that I can’t get too angry at our little (and definitely uglier) brother dreaming of kicking greatness. Us Giants fans have been real spoiled with championships and kicking aces going back to the Jeff Feagles glory days. Feagles straight to Weatherford. And absolutely no one in between. It’s another great day to bleed blue.
PS- Fuck yo couch
WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!!! You know how you dream of what you would spend your money on if you won the lottery? I am currently doing that with unlimited Taco Bell. Do I start with a Quesarito? You don’t know how much longer they will be around for. Or perhaps I hammer down 5 different Doritos Locos tacos and just black out from all the different flavors. But if we are being honest, I would pull a baller move like my buddy OG once did and order the left side of the menu. I think that’s numbers 1-6 of the Drive Thru menu. And it would lead to the greatest live tweet or live blog of my life.
Actually now that I think about it, my first stop would be Costco. Load up on Charmin Extra Quilted and never look back. Sometimes you gotta think outside the bun. Time to go break all my big bills down and ask for nothing but singles. Next stop, South of the Border.
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This dad is doing God’s work. Sure the words “selfie” and “twerking” have brought many great memories to all of our lives. But hearing grandparents talk about “that selfie story on the news” and “Miley is twerking again” is too much for one man to take.
We need to shame these selfie taking assholes to kill the word from the lexicon. Smokeshows are going to continue to take pictures of themselves to sustain their fantasy life “careers”. But we need to stop the stupid face selfies from getting taken ASAP. Your move, America. Operation Selfie Shaming begins now.
PS- If this is another god damn Jimmy Kimmel prank, I knew it all along. Nice try, pretty boy.
PSS- Take another look at this moronathon
h/t Cullen
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I have to say, Trey makes some pretty good points in this video. This lady obviously just had two babies, you are clearly going to love this new baby more than the existing babies, and the sound of boys crying is clearly worse than girls. Simple science, mom. Read a book, won’t ya?
And don’t try to use Amaya as a witness for your case. That chick doesn’t even understand the English language. And oh yeah. SHE HAS A GOD DAMN BINKY IN HER MOUTH!
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