The Clem Report’s NFL Week 1 Betting Picks

Posted: September 6, 2014 in Football, Gambling, Sports, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,



Play this song in the background as you read the blog for full effect.

For those of you that are audibly deficient and chose not to listen to my Football Friday Pow Wow Podcast, here are the first batch of picks that will add a bunch of money/happiness to your life*.

*Money or happiness not guaranteed.


Bengals @ Ravens (Pick’em):  It is never fun to bet on Bum Ass Joe Flacco (that’s his new name) when he is playing against another good team.  But with the Bengals employing Bum Ass Andy Dalton these days (original, right?), I’ll take the Ravens and their shiny new Gary Kubiak offense at home.  Plus, I bet Steve Smith beats up like five Bengals this game (and probably one Raven too, if we are being honest).

The Pick: Ravens (Pick’em)


Panthers @ Buccaneers (Bucs favored 2.5): I think the Bucs are going to be slightly better on offense and much better on defense this year, while the Panthers will regress in both categories.  This game was at -2 before the creep of Cam Newton’s availability really became clear.  Lovie Smith’s defense will do what they usually do.  Turn the ball over and rack up fantasy points.  I love the Bucs in this game and for the rest of the season.

The Pick: Bucs -2.5


Jaguars @ Eagles (Eagles favored 10.5): As you will see in a little bit, I think the Eagles are the best bet to win today.  But I also believe that the Jags are not going to completely suck this season.  Is part of this pick made purely out of spite because I hate Philadelphia?  Of course.  But what is an NFL season without enough spite to choke a horse.  Give me a little backdoor cover for the jungle cats and we go about our business.

The Pick: Jags +10.5


Giants @ Lions (Lions favored 6.5): Before I get called a homer for picking the boys in blue, I would like to point out Jim Caldwell’s coaching record when he didn’t have Peyton Manning as his quarterback.


Year Team Overall Conference Standing Bowl/playoffs
Wake Forest Demon Deacons (Atlantic Coast Conference) (1993–2000)
1993 Wake Forest 2–9 1–7 9th
1994 Wake Forest 3-8 1-7 8th
1995 Wake Forest 1–10 0–8 9th
1996 Wake Forest 3–8 1–7 8th
1997 Wake Forest 5–6 3–5 7th
1998 Wake Forest 3–8 2–6 7th
1999 Wake Forest 7–5 3–5 5th W Aloha
2000 Wake Forest 2–9 1–7 8th
Wake Forest: 26-63 12-52
Total: 26-63
IND 2011 2 14 0 .125 4th in AFC South

The defense rests, your honor.  I’ll take the coach/QB that usually starts their season 6-2 instead of the combo they have in Detroit Rock City.  Now go take a shower after seeing those numbers.

The Pick: Giants +6.5


Survivor Pool Pick of the Week:  Philadelphia Eagles.  I don’t LOVE the pick simply because I am also betting the Jaguars to cover the 10.5.  So I will be rooting against myself in a sense.  But the only other game on the board that I considered was Bills vs. Bears.  And despite improving their defense, the Bears rushing defense was an abject failure last season.  I can already see CJ Spiller ripping off a couple of 80 yard touchdown runs on the Red Zone Channel, while Fred Jackson finishes them off with a goal-line plunge.  Give me Philly and I will hope to hit the happy middle (like the cream filling of an Oreo).  And while we are on the subject, if you like the cookie part of an Oreo more than the cream, you need to stop drinking out of the toilet and get real.


Finally, find a better video explaining how every NFL fan feels about the season right now.  You can’t.


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