Well It Was A Good Run, World. Westchester, NY Doctors Monitoring Patient Showing Ebola Symptoms

Posted: October 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

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Westchester News 12-  A patient at a Westchester hospital is being monitored for possible Ebola symptoms.

Westchester County Executive Rob Astorino says the risk of the patient having Ebola is extremely low. “I don’t think they are even going to test for Ebola,” he said.

Sources tell News 12 reporter Tara Rosenblum a patient was brought in last night that is being watched through an abundance of caution. They say the patient is from Liberia, but has not been back to the country in a while. However, the patient recently came into contact with someone from Liberia. Rosenblum says the patient is being treated at Phelps Memorial Hospital in Tarrytown. A hospital spokesman has not confirmed that information.

The source says the patient has a high fever, but there has been no test for Ebola yet. The name of the patient has not been released.

Well that was a rollercoaster ride of an article, huh?

HEY, SOMEONE IN NEW YORK MAY HAVE EBOLA!

But don’t worry, there odds of it being ebola are very low.

THE POTENTIAL EBOLA PATIENT IS FROM LIBERIA!

But he/she hasn’t been to Liberia in years.

HOWEVER, THE PATIENT RECENTLY CAME INTO CONTACT WITH SOMEONE FROM LIBERIA AND MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SUCKED ON THE TONGUE OF THE LIBERIAN CITIZEN FOR DAYS ON END!!!

Just a hodge podge of good news and bad news lumped together so you don’t know how you should feel.  But you DO know that you have to go back to the news website or turn CNN on if you want to find out when you will be bleeding out of your eyes like the patients from Outbreak.  After years of bungling the internet, news organizations may have finally figured it out.  Just scare and confuse us.  Well done, mainstream media.  You are now the frogurt Krusty doll salesman from The Simpsons.

P.S. I cannot wait to watch a ton of old Simpsons episodes from my quarantined house after I get Ebola.  Basically everything from Bart The General until Season 12 or so.  Anything after that is basically the Ebola of television.

For more thoughts before I inevitably contract Ebola, click the beautiful button below.

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