Archive for January, 2015

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This is the time of year when everyone is announcing their favorite prop bets.  I took a quick glance at BetOnline.com and picked out my five favorite/most ridiculous novelty props.  In semi-related news, I took Tim Wright +2500 to score the first touchdown and LOVED the pick as a longshot bet.  But the last few days, I have heard at least four different TV shows/podcasts say they loved the bet as well, which means I am screwed.

Anyway, onto the props!

1.   cleav

This is the question everyone has been talking about since the minute Katy Perry was announced as the Halftime Show performer.  If you bet the No, you hate happiness, fun, and freedom (in that order).

Clem’s Pick: YES (-700).  And a resounding Yes at that.  Katy is pumped.

2. perry

Katy Perry has legs/knees?  You learn something new every day.  As we said in prop #1, Katy is going to show the puppies off.  -700 tells us that much.  But there is no way the NFL is going to green light way too much skin after the year they just had.  After half the NFL was arrested for domestic abuse and all the stupid deflategate talk, the NFL is going to make Katy go somewhat conservative.

Clem’s Pick: Give me Pants (Below the knees) at +350, and I’m not too happy about it.

3. spin

If only Steve Smith Sr. was playing in the game.  Under 20 1/2 seconds would be the pick.  Senior is the best ball-spinner in the league.  Unfortunately, Stevie Smiff isn’t in the game.  But just the fact we can root for someone to spin a ball makes me proud to be an American.  I bet ISIS hates that we can bet on stuff like this.

Clem’s Pick: Under 20 1/2 Minutes Elapsed.  Seattle oozes swag, and spinning the ball is a swagalicious moves out there.  And if you can’t tell, I really miss Steve Smith in my life every Sunday.

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4.conf

This one made my brain explode.  I am not a college football fan, but I know the Pac-12 doesn’t get a ton of love.  But then you think about the players that are most likely to score a TD (Gronk, Lynch, Baldwin, Blount) and you realize that they are all Pac-12 guys.  It just goes to show you that Minor League Football is crazier than any of us know (that was just a dig at people who think College Football is better than NFL Football).

Clem’s Pick: Let’s get nutty.  I am going to pick the Big Ten and hope one of the QBs can sneak one in.  Tom Brady is the king of the short yardage dive, and Russy Wilson could scramble his way to a long TD.  Do the God damn thing, fellas.

5. sleeves

I am really torn on this one.  I want Belichick to turn the world on its head and come out fully sleeved.  But I also have a gut feeling that the NFL’s Emperor Palpaltine is not going to shake the apple cart.  He NEEEEEDS this Super Bowl win, since it will probably be the last one he has a chance to win.  Because noted Patriots killer Eli Manning will be leading the Giants and Odell Beckham Jr. to the big game for the foreseeable future.

Clem’s Pick:  Sleeves.  Lets get crazy, William! 

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Enjoy the game, commercials, food and most importantly the booze on Sunday!

eddy.curry

Real GM- Knicks’ center Eddy Curry is covered with tattoos, and the latest piece of artwork is in response to being omitted from the All-Star team: “Bruised Never Broken” is written across his chest.

“The NBA is killing me but they can’t break me,” Curry said of the tattoo he got on Monday.

 

Not really much to add here other than it is still funny that Eddy Curry felt so strongly to he was snubbed to be an All-Star reserve that he got a tattoo.  Eddy Curry.  Yes, the guy that set the Knicks franchise back 10 years (along with Isiah Thomas).  Actually that 2nd part isn’t so funny.

 

Final Rating: 9.0/10.  You can save thousands of dollars on a vacation by just popping a few of these almonds in your mouth.  Everyone knows the smell from a pina colada machine is the real reason everyone goes to the Caribbean.  Well that and the sound of a steel drum band.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

 

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Elegance and grace personified.

 

h/t Annie for the video

 

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francesacon

For those who don’t know, there is a new, glorious tradition in New York City.  Every year, the biggest mongos in the world gather for a day to celebrate everything Mike Francesa aka The Sports Pope.  I am 0 for 2 when it comes to attending FrancesaCons, but that has been due to work, not desire.  I will do everything in my power to make it there next year.  Anyway, here is a quick journey down the rabbit hole of the best day of the year for people who love the most iconic sports radio blowhard of all-time.

 

Maniacs attend this event dressed as Mike, the Mad Dog, and other random WFAN personalities. My favorite was Diet Coke Pope.

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Speaking of Diet Coke, this was the PERRRRFECT drink for a Mike Francesa tribute party.

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A band singing the Mike’s On (or is it Mike Zaun?) theme.

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//platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js#FrancesaCon was trending on Twitter in New York

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And of course, when the man of the hour took the stage, everyone listened.

Now lets listen to that Michael Kay chant again.

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h/t @JonFrat for recording that Youtube video, which was clearer than the movies Jerry Seinfeld used to shoot back in his bootlegging days.  And of course to @FrancesaCon for organizing the whole damn thing.

 

For more Mike Francesa goodness, check out my Francesa soundboard at MikeAndTheSoundboard.com.

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That chart is just stupid. That is a phenomenal GAME, let alone a quarter. I will go to my grave saying that there is no better feeling than being on fire in basketball. Sure people will bring up a billion other things that can compare (sexual or otherwise). But when you are just feeling it and swish that heat-check shot, which usually will lead to a dumb, giddy laugh. The hoop looks like it’s the size of the Atlantic Ocean and you can hit a shot from wherever you want. That was Klay Thompson in an NBA game. It makes me want to lace’em up and keep shooting til I get that feeling back again. Then I take a look at my gut, and say “I’ll just remember the good ol’ days”.  Keep doing you, Klay. Keep doing you.

And now a hearty tribute to the man who owned the NBA tonight, from my favorite movie villain ever:

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Hey everyone,

Well after a little over 1 year of living at TheClemReport.Wordpress.com, I have decided to take my talents to South Beach.  I mean, I have decided to take my talents to TheClemReport.com.  The reason for doing this is pretty boring.  I basically have more freedom with how the site works and looks and the URL is just prettier.  I went from the kinda happy face emoji to the kissy face emoji just by making this switch.  All the old blogs should be there as well, in case you want to re-read my average jokes or laugh at my NFL picks.

Now the new site is by no means finished.  That is going to take a lot of Youtube tutorials and epic fails.  But if you want the latest ramblings of this madman, go to TheClemReport.com.

Hugs and kisses,

Clem