Five Things You Need To Know About New Knicks Legend Alexey Shved

Posted: February 20, 2015 in Basketball, Knicks, Sports
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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NY Post- Phil Jackson was relatively quiet Thursday afternoon at his first trade deadline as Knicks president, missing out on star point guard Goran Dragic and dealing veteran Pablo Prigioni to save a smidgen of cap space.

Prigioni, 37, is headed to the Rockets. The Knicks were to receive two late-second-round picks in 2017 and 2019 and 26-year-old Russian shooting guard Alexey Shved, who has an expiring $3.3 million contract. The Knicks do not plan on waiving Shved.

So the Knicks were pretty quiet at the trade deadline, only trading fan favorite Pablo Prigioni for relative unknown Alexey Shved.  Admittedly I did not know much about Shved, but considering he had a foreign name, I figured his girlfriend would be a foreign hottie.  Turns out my instincts were right, as you can see above.  She has that Russian stare that could melt Siberia, but still raise the Berlin Wall.  Plus those cornrows on #Shvedsanity are incredible.

Anyway, here are five facts about Alexey Shved that I learned from ESPN, Google Images, and Youtube.

 

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1.  He is from Russia, was born in 1988, and wears number 88.  This tells me that Alexey couldn’t understand English when he came over here and they just gave him the number 88 because that is the year of his birthday.  Kind of like if the AIM screen name you wanted was taken, so they just slapped your birth year at the end of your username.  Also, Alexey’s hair game is an 11 out of 10 (1 extra point due to adjusting from the Metric System to the U.S. System).

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2. He played on the Sixers this season, which means he can give us all of their tanking secrets.  This is the best part about Shved, if we are being honest.

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3.  Probably the most underrated part of Shved’s game is that he has 8 arms.  You may think this is illegal, but I checked the whole NBA rule book and there is no mention of any penalty for being a human octopus.  I am not sure how 6 extra arms will effect his ability to play in the triangle, but I believe that Coach Fisher can make it work.

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4. He can ride sharks.  People worry about players being able to handle the media when they come to New York.  But I think Shved can handle a few extra microphones and newspapers if he has already tamed the most dangerous predator in the ocean.  And before you tell me that the shark is clearly a float, I ask you this question: Which would be harder to ride, a real shark or an inflatable shark?  Because I have never seen anyone not named Alexey Shved comfortably ride an inflatable shark in my entire life.  Point, Alexey.

5. He is the worst trick or treater of all-time.  A stapler, a bobblehead, and I think I even saw a tomato in there.  People in Minnesota apparently love picking on big, dumb foreigners.  Shameful.

Bonus Video: Here are some highlights from Alexey’s performance in the NBA Rookie Game. It’s basically impossible to look bad in this game, but he is still probably better than half of the D-League talent on the Knicks anyway.

Bonus Math Equation: I have no idea what this equation means, but I am pretty sure we may have just backed into the weirdest player in the league with this trade.  Plays the same position as George Hill + the downtrodden look of Adam Morrison = Alexey Svhed?

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