Tim Tebow is such a stud. How are we letting America’s National Treasure go to waste on college football broadcasts and random oddball appearances for golf magazines? I mean guess I understand why no NFL team gives him a shot. If you sign him as a backup, all the Tebow Truthers go crazy until he becomes the starter. And ESPN covers the teams every goddamn move just because of his name.
But can we get this guy work doing something other than hammering long drives on a golf simulator? If the U.S. government came to Tebow and offered to make him a real life Captain America, could he possibly say no? I know there is no other person in the world that I would want as a superhuman creation defending the stars and stripes than Timothy Richard Tebow.
If he was able to stay a virgin during his time at Florida (a HUGE if), he simply cannot be cracked. And those ISIS assholes would have to think twice about killing innocent people from their sandcastles if Captain Tebow was a real thing. We can put people on Mars, but making Tim Tebow a real life superhero is a stretch? Get it done, Obama. What are my taxes paying for anyway?
h/t Ballow for the link