Archive for March, 2015

ludacrisnelly

Today’s Impossible Music Question delves into a much deeper discussion into everyone’s favorite 2000s rappers.  For my money, these two defined 2000-2010.  Just hot party jump offs left and right.  If you weren’t getting wasted to the soundtracks of Ludacris and Nelly, I don’t know why you are here (well except for you, mom.  Hi and thanks for reading!).  Anyway, without comment, here are some of their biggest hits.  Who do you got?  Ludacris or Nelly?

Ludacris:

 

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Nelly:

 

 

 

 

 

Now that you have voted, here is the video that would sway anyone to Nelly.  Tip Drill.  A staple for anyone who stayed up and watched Uncut on BET growing up.

 

Final Rating: 9.4/10.  Wow.  Just wow.  A puffy, kind of buttery churro. I had the 100 emoji up because I really felt they were a 100/10. But since this was the best food I have reviewed so far, I had to make it fit in the scale of 10. So I deducted 0.6 from Sweetos because sometimes the butter taste is a little strong. But other than that, pure binge junk food perfection.  Hats off, Chester Cheetah.  You done did it again! Get these right meow before they take them off the shelves.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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Yesterday I posed the first “Impossible Music Question” to you guys and the masses responded LOUDLY.  K-Ci & JoJo blew out All 4 One in a bloodbath (I apologize for the lack of white glove or old school microphone).  So I will give the soulful brothers their time to shine by playing the classic video below.  If you would like to nominate a song/songs for the Impossible Music Question, tweet me @TheClemReport with the hashtag #ImpossibleMusicQuestion.  Now take us away with your velvet-smooth voices, K-Ci & JoJo.

A-Rod truly cannot catch a break. He is like Richie Rich in the beginning of Richie Rich. He is always somehow one step behind what is trending or cool, despite having all the money in the world (except for the McDonald’s in his house. That was AWESOME).

One day, the A-Rod handwritten apology note is the topic around countless watercoolers. The next day, Big Vince Wilfork goes and changes the entire game with using some clip art and Microsoft Word concoction from hell. In fact, I don’t even know what to think of that picture. Just text bleeding onto different pages on the virtual clipboard.

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So puuuuuuuuure (Gus Johnson voice).  Between Russell Westbrook going Full Tecmo Bo against the Sixers and Chris Paul becoming an internet meme, there were plenty of exciting moments in the NBA last night.  But Steph taking a page out of Larry Bird’s playbook with the “stare your man down before the shot even goes in” move was too good to just get lost in the shuffle.  The Baby-Faced Killer has ice cubes in his veins as he shows Swaggy P how to do it.

 

NOW HIT SONYA CURRY’S MUSIC!!!

 

And while we are on the topic, I’d say the Steph Curry SportsCenter commercial gets a solid B.  Not the best they have done, but greatness is always expected out of them.

 

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to stare at what could have been for the Knicks and just whisper the names “Russell Westrbook, Steph Curry” to myself the rest of the day like Arya in Game of Thrones (not with hatred, but instead unfathomable sadness).

 

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NY Post- Matt Harvey unleashed 25 pitches in batting practice on Monday, displaying a curveball he had abandoned in recent years, and focus immediately turned to the Mets’ exhibition home opener on Friday.

The Mets ace is scheduled to take the mound for 35-40 pitches over two innings against the Tigers in what will mark Harvey’s return to competitive action, just over 16 months removed from Tommy John surgery.

 

Oh…my…lanta.  So Matt Harvey was the best pitcher in baseball in 2013 despite barely using his curveball?  That is insane.  I honestly don’t even know what to expect from Harvey this season.  Super-competitive, super-talented, and getting better?  Yikes.  That would be like giving John McClane a bazooka instead of a handgun in Die Hard.

Luckily I have special metrics and a state-of-the-art statistics machine to help me translate what Harvey’s stats will be this season armed with good health and a nasty curveball.

Here are Harvey’s 2013 “Awesome but with an arm injury and not much of a curveball” stats.

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I will now place them into the machine……

 

 

 

BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP (That’s the sound the machine makes as it’s working)

 

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Ladies and gentlemen, here are your 2015 Matt Harvey numbers.

 

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I am kind of surprised at the numbers.  For one, I was thinking that he would have a few saves or holds this season.  He is the Dark Knight and I am sure the Mets will need some saving during the season.  Secondly, K/9 should not be infinity.  It should be 27.00.  But I guess Healthy Matt Harvey With A Curveball broke my revolutionary machine.  Time to go back to the drawing board with Doc Brown.  #jiggawatts

 

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Last week on Twitter I said: “If you asked me to choose between “This Love” by Maroon 5 and “Cupid’s Chokehold” by Gym Class Heroes, I would just have to end my life”. Shortly thereafter, Cupid’s Chokehold curb stomped This Love in Twitter votes. So I decided to make this a daily weekly “whenever I hear a couple of songs that are equally as awesome” blog.  Today’s matchup is between two incredible R&B jams from the 90s.  I will just post the videos below and let the music do the talking.  Vote at the bottom of the blog.

 

“I Swear”- All 4 One

Vs.

“All My Life”- K-Ci & JoJo

 

Nailed it.  I think I have been in every one of those scenarios.  Not wanting to hang out with certain co-workers outside of the cubes or being stuck with the person that shorts the restaurant bill every damn time.  And the toilet scene is a dagger to the heart of any cube monkey. I recently got a job where I work from home. And other than having to commute exactly 0 minutes a day, being able to poop in the privacy of my own bathroom is easily the best part of the “work from home” life.

The only problem with this video is that I have ‘Nam-like flashbacks of that commercial being beaten into my brain every NFL Sunday for 20+ weeks. And anytime you bring up commercials that were beaten to death during NFL season, you leave the gate open for this song to re-enter your life.

http://player.theplatform.com/p/BxmELC/gc_embedplayer/select/cN2U3LEUn_i_?&parentUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.golfchannel.com%2Fmedia%2Ftim-tebow-crushes-driver-343-yards%2F&params=mbr%3Dtrue%26zone%3Dmedia_morningdrive&originalReferrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.golfchannel.com%2F#playerurl=http%3A//www.golfchannel.com/media/tim-tebow-crushes-driver-343-yards/

via Golf Digest

 

Tim Tebow is such a stud. How are we letting America’s National Treasure go to waste on college football broadcasts and random oddball appearances for golf magazines? I mean guess I understand why no NFL team gives him a shot.  If you sign him as a backup, all the Tebow Truthers go crazy until he becomes the starter.  And ESPN covers the teams every goddamn move just because of his name.

But can we get this guy work doing something other than hammering long drives on a golf simulator?  If the U.S. government came to Tebow and offered to make him a real life Captain America, could he possibly say no?  I know there is no other person in the world that I would want as a superhuman creation defending the stars and stripes than Timothy Richard Tebow.

If he was able to stay a virgin during his time at Florida (a HUGE if), he simply cannot be cracked. And those ISIS assholes would have to think twice about killing innocent people from their sandcastles if Captain Tebow was a real thing.  We can put people on Mars, but making Tim Tebow a real life superhero is a stretch?  Get it done, Obama. What are my taxes paying for anyway?

 

h/t Ballow for the link

Last night’s Knicks game against the Raptors was oddly fun and entertaining.  Here are the top 5 moments from the game.  R.I.P. Big Mase.

 

5. Lou Amundson set the white basketball movement back 25 years and probably spawned countless White Men Can’t Jump jokes on the internet.

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4. A fan hit a halfcourt shot to win $10,000.  I am 100% sure Anthony Mason helped this shot go in.

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3. DeMar DeRozan’s missed 360 dunk on a fast break was legit LOL stuff.  I can’t wait to hear the old, cranky sportswriters talk about this play on Monday.

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https://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js2. Langston Galloway either channeled Michael Jordan or Michael Jordan copied Langston Galloway 17 years early.

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1. The Anthony Mason tribute video was very well done by Madison Square Garden.  That full-court shake and back he had against the Hawks was siiiick.  I remember seeing that move live on TV back in the day and didn’t even know Mase had that in him.

 

Bonus Video: Clyde breaking down the kind of player Anthony Mason was.  Despite the countless heartache the team has caused me, this Vine reminds me why I love being a Knicks fan.

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