Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

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Yesterday I posed the first “Impossible Music Question” to you guys and the masses responded LOUDLY.  K-Ci & JoJo blew out All 4 One in a bloodbath (I apologize for the lack of white glove or old school microphone).  So I will give the soulful brothers their time to shine by playing the classic video below.  If you would like to nominate a song/songs for the Impossible Music Question, tweet me @TheClemReport with the hashtag #ImpossibleMusicQuestion.  Now take us away with your velvet-smooth voices, K-Ci & JoJo.

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Last week on Twitter I said: “If you asked me to choose between “This Love” by Maroon 5 and “Cupid’s Chokehold” by Gym Class Heroes, I would just have to end my life”. Shortly thereafter, Cupid’s Chokehold curb stomped This Love in Twitter votes. So I decided to make this a daily weekly “whenever I hear a couple of songs that are equally as awesome” blog.  Today’s matchup is between two incredible R&B jams from the 90s.  I will just post the videos below and let the music do the talking.  Vote at the bottom of the blog.

 

“I Swear”- All 4 One

Vs.

“All My Life”- K-Ci & JoJo

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I wrote this blog a few weeks ago but never published it, so I apologize for the delay.  The YouTube video has millions of views, but I had to blog about it just because this was huge news for anyone who loved that video/song.  That is on me.  I can assure you it won’t happen again (just kidding, I’m sure it will happen all the time because I am a moron).  Anyway….

Between the Super Bowl Halftime Show and her old dancers coming up with tributes for her, this has to be the year of Missy Elliott, right?  It has been almost 20 years since the Supa Dupa Fly music video gave us all nightmares and Misdemeanor is still somehow semi-relevant.

 

Anyway, we can all agree that seeing young girls from TV/movies all grown up is always weird for guys, right?  Like it was weird when Hayden Panettiere went from the little kid from Remember The Titans to the smokeshow that was getting destroyed by one of the Klitschko man-mountains.  Or watching Natalie Portman in Leon and then seeing her in Black Swan.  That is just flat out weird.  You don’t want to feel like a pederass, but hot is hot.

Also, definitely would.

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He’s so hotttt (hot damn)
Make a dragon wanna retire man

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He’s so hotttt (hot damn)
Has 200 white people in an Ellen crowd dancing in unison

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He’s so hotttt (hot damn)
He is a pseudo midget from Hawaii and can still pull of the Eazy-E look

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He’s so hotttt (hot damn)
He will be the Michael Jackson of our generation (it’s true, I promise).

 


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If you don’t think that the “Let It Shine, Shine, Shiiiiiiiine” song in the Glade commercial was the Best New Holiday Song of 2014, you are insane.  And if you don’t think my rendition of it at least gets me a Mark Ronson song, if not an actual record deal, you are batshit crazy. Pipes like you read about.

When I closed my eyes, I could have sworn that Christopher Wallace was spitting hot fire again.  Nope, just a 70+ year old Cuban immigrant on a sparsely watched ESPN show.  However, I can’t lie, I was pretty disappointed when I realized Papi wasn’t going to rap any Bone Thugs lines.  I have listened to “Notorious Thugs” roughly 10,000 times and I still just grunt noises whenever the Bone Thugs parts come on.  Being disappointed that Dan Le Batard’s dad didn’t break down the lyrics to a timeless hip hop classic is #WhitePeopleProblems like you read about.

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I hate J.Lo.  Like hate, hate, hate J.Lo.  The hate in my heart for her would make Clayton Bigsby blush.  But having the OG of booty team with Child Bearing Hips Mcgee is at the very least intriguing.  It would be like seeing Washington Wizards MJ face rookie season LeBron.  One is at the absolute end of her reign on top while the other is just getting started.

Now before you say “Clem, what about Nicki Minaj?  She needs to be in this video.”  My answer to that is Nicki Minaj scares me more than Gia from Full House.  If you think I have the gumption to watch a video with her and these two, you don’t know what type of white boy you are talking to.

Anyway, this will be one of the five music videos I actually see until the 2015 VMAs.  Sure hope it is decent.

PS- The best JLo music video of all-time (musically and booty-wise) is the I’m Real (Remix) video.  There will be no debating this.  Those pink shorts caused a ton of funny feelings in stomachs across this great country of ours.

Chattrisse-Dolabaille-Isaak-Smith-Aaliyah-Lifetime-castings-618x400The Wrap- You can’t have a movie about Aaliyah without her musical mentors. A network representative told TheWrap that Lifetime’s Aaliyah biopic has cast Chattrisse Dolabaille and Izaak Smith as producer-rappers Missy Elliott and Timbaland, respectively. Dolabaille is a newcomer to Hollywood. She’s a Canadian actress, singer and dancer.

Izaak Smith, on the other hand, was a contender on “So You Think You Can Dance Canada.” He has appeared in “Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief” and “Mirror Mirror” as a dancer. He also played Cal Rice on popular Canadian series, “Tower Prep,” and Danny on digital series “Totally Amp’d.” 

Were Timbaland and Missy the casting directors for this movie?  The girl playing Missy Elliott looks closer to Aaliyah than Misdemeanor.  And Timbaland?  Good try my dude.  But this Izaak guy is a legit dreamboat.  He doesn’t drink quarter water out of gallon jugs.  Timbo and Missy may be geniuses in the rap game, but they aren’t exactly dimes in the looks department.  Just another day in the life of an internet watchdog.

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OK, I am not sure if I “fixed” the Timbaland actor, but I got us a little closer to reality.  Missy is still wayyyy off, though.

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An absolute BANGER and maybe the most underrated hip hop song of all-time.  From the moment the words “super ugly” drop until the last “yeahhhh”, the song kills everything in its path.  Now if you will excuse me, I am going spend the next 4 hours searching out every Detox rumor that I can get my hands on.

If we are being honest here, this may be the best actual song of all-time.  God Bless you Lil’ Troy, wherever you may be.  And if you are dead, R.I.P.