All The Sonya Curry Pictures You Need To See Tonight

Sit back and bathe in the beauty.

 

The Knicks Get The “Hitler Subtitle Meme” Treatment After Last Week’s Lottery Disaster

Sure, the Hitler meme has been done to death, but I think “Hitler in his bunker as the allied forces close in” is probably the best way to describe the way it felt to be a Knicks fan last Tuesday night. Just hopeless, trying to talk yourself into everything being alright.  Hope Melo stays healthy, the Knicks hit big in free agency, and the pick doesn’t become a complete disaster.  But us Knicks fans have to believe in something.   An entire year of tanking for this bullshit. So sad. So Knicks.

Also, the Cavs bowtie kid line killed me.  Because that son of a bitch has magical powers.  The least LeBron could have done after leaving the entire state of New York with blue balls following the Decision would have been to lend that bowtied rabbit’s foot to the Knicks for the lottery. Instead, nothing but Hitler memes for this sad ass franchise.

h/t Knicksmemes for creating this gem

Follow @TheClemReport

The $20 Challenge Is Back, This Time With College Hoops Players From The Last Five Years

My Twitter pal Bobby came up with another one of these $20 challenges over at Fan Rag Sports.  Basically you choose one player from each position and a coach, but it has to be under $20.  Check out Bobby’s breakdown on Fan Rag Sports when you have a chance.  Anyway, here are my picks.  Granted I’m not a diehard college hoops fan, but I know as much as a decent fan should know, as Syracuse can still rip my heart out every 12 months or so.  And before you ask “wait, where is this guy?”, these are only players from the last 5 seasons.  And if there was a glaring omission, yell at Bobby on Twitter at UKLefty22.  Anyway, here is my squad:

PG Kemba Walker $3

Lets see, a guy that basically dragged his team through the Big East Tournament when it still mattered and then to an NCAA championship?  Biggest no-brainer ever.  Kemba was the mother f’ing TRUTH.

SG Jimmer Fredette $5

If you didn’t fall in love with Jimmermania back in the day, you are an asshole and cannot be trusted in this exercise.  Kemba breaks down the defense for my squad.  And if the defense wants to help, Jimmer will bomb treys from 30 feet out.  I am convinced that Vine was created because of Jimmer, and Steph Curry made it huge/perfected it.

SF Michael Kidd-Gilchrist $4

Now if I have Jimmer on my team, I admit that I need somebody to play defense.  MKG is the Swiss army knife defender that can match up with a bunch of different positions.  Plus he doesn’t need to score.  And if that’s not enough…

PF Kawhi Leonard $1

I have Kawhi at the power forward spot.  Sure he is 6’7″, but in college hoops that can pass for a power forward.  Obviously he isn’t as polished as he is now in San Antonio, but the dude was a stud coming out of college.

C Anthony Davis $5

And then we have The Brow in the middle.  Erasing any mistakes made on defense while also being a nightmare matchup on the offensive end.

Coach Tom Izzo $2

Izzo makes the Final Four every other year with a team usually filled with rag tag players.  With this collection, he can probably top UCLA’s 88-game winning streak no problem.  The more I look at this list, the more I become convinced that this is the only acceptable lineup.

Agree?  Disagree?  Have a roster you want to share? Hit me up on Twitter @TheClemReport.

 

Follow @TheClemReport

I Made An Entire “One Shining Moment” With The Sad Wisconsin Teletubby Because I Had To

Listen, I hate Duke as much as the next guy. Their fans are arrogant and their players are just so hatable. But if you wear a red Teletubby outfit in public and have a sour puss on your face when your team loses, you deserve the countless bad internet memes that will come out for the next few days/weeks/months. They used to say that everyone has 15 seconds of fame. That is no longer the case. Now everyone is either an internet meme or has a sex tape. That’s just like in 2015, folks.

PS- After multiple viewings, I think this is my favorite part of the video:

https://vine.co/v/eBqrKdLrgTj/embed/simplehttps://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

Follow @TheClemReport

Happy 15 Year Anniversary To The Time Chris Childs Punched Kobe In The Face Twice

Fifteen years ago today, Chris Childs punched Kobe Bryant in the face – twice. pic.twitter.com/3LtMpf8PuG

— UPNORTHTRIP$ (@evboogie) April 2, 2015

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

It has been an especially rough season for Knicks fans, so in times like this, it is best that we remember the happier moments. And while the surplus of dick punches and lack of championships has left the memory pool kind of shallow, this was an all-time great highlight for Knicks fans (and every NBA fan that isn’t a Lakers fan).

Kobe at his peak of arrogance just getting punked on national TV by a relatively bummy point guard. I remember hating the Chris Childs contract the minute the ink hit the paper. But when Childs two-pieced Kobe, he totally redeemed himself. I’m not saying Childs should have his number retired for the punches, but if the Knicks ever make a Ring of Honor, they can at least think about honoring the punches there.

Follow @TheClemReport

In Honor Of Al Harrington Retiring, Here Is The Best NBA Call Of Gus Johnson’s Career (And R.I.P. To The Gus Johnson Soundboard)

https://vine.co/v/OV0DIjEiVdO/embed/simplehttps://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

Denver Post- Sixteen years in the NBA can be a blur, Al Harrington can attest to that. He lived it.  On Wednesday, he recounted near two-decades worth of just sheer fun, allowing the words that put an end to things kick off the conversation.  He sat courtside at the Toyota Center after helping out during a Nuggets practice, and finally said it.  “I’m officially retired,” Harrington said. “I don’t know if there’s paperwork that I gotta fill out or anything. But my career is over.”

 

Congrats to Al Harrington, who was a solid, if not unspectacular player during his time in the NBA.  He was USA Today’s National Player of the Year during his senior year in high school before being drafted by the Pacers in 1998.  He was one of those band-aid type players that the Knicks seemed to run through during the 2000s.  But that Vine is the best Gus Johnson call I have ever heard during his days announcing in the NBA.  He has countless better calls during college basketball games, but as for the NBA, there is none better.

But seeing how today kicks off March Madness, I was all ready to link to the Gus Johnson soundboard.  But to my chagrin, it seems like the Soundboard has been killed.  I don’t know how the creator didn’t start a GoFundMe to raise enough money to keep the site running, but it is a damn shame.  We have had a chick raise money so she can get stuffed in Las Vegas and a dude raise money so he can see if his chick is getting stuffed on Spring Break.  How the creator of the soundboard never asked for a few bucks to keep a piece of internet gold alive is beyond me.

So in the absence of said Gus Johnson soundboard, here are some of Gus’ best calls via YouTube.  Happy March Madness, everybody!!!

 

 

P.S. I stumbled upon this Al Harrington ad while searching for a picture for the blog. Gus Johnson just causally making people money with his awesome calls.  He is a national treasure.  And God bless you if you would buy a razor for your head because it is endorsed by Al Harrington holding a bunch of them in a bucket.  That seems like a surefire way to scalp yourself to me.

Follow @TheClemReport

 

Impossible Sports Question: Bill Raftery Vs. Gus Johnson

Wwith today kicking off March Madness, I figured I would ask this question.  Which announcer do you like more, Gus Johnson or Bill Raftery?  Obviously one is play-by-play and the other is color commentary.  Bill Raftery is like your fun old grandpa, telling stories and just acting wacky.  While Gus is your crazy friend that gets so hyped that you get hyped while also laughing at him.  Real tough one here.  Who do you like more, Bill Raftery or Gus Johnson? (below are some videos and a poll to vote on this impossible goddamn question).

Vs.

P.S. I just found this video of Raftery and Johnson songifying the Big East.  And it is as awesome as you would imagine.

 

Follow @TheClemReport

Apparently Marc Gasol Is Not Interested In Signing With The Knicks After All

Sheridan Hoops-  2. Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies (Unrestricted)

He probably isn’t going anywhere, either. And a little birdie who knows of what he speaks tells me Gasol has already ruled out playing for the New York Knicks. It’s nothing personal with Phil Jackson or that consummate New Yorker, Jim Dolan (gag). It’s a matter of money. He can get a five-year deal to stay in Memphis, where he attended high school. After taxes, that will be worth more than twice what he would get from New York.

 

Well that was a real kick in the dick.  I think all Knicks fans thought Gasol was the best free agent the Knicks had a shot at.  You know when you come up with a ton of reasons for why a player will sign with your team that really don’t matter when push comes to shove?  Well here were mine for Marc Gasol and New York, in math equation form:

Marc’s brother Pau loved playing in the triangle for Phil Jackson in L.A. + Pau has 2 rings thanks to Phil + Marc looks up to Pau + Marc is a young Spaniard that apparently loves culture + New York has roughly 1 billion times more culture than Memphis + New York is CLOSER to Spain than Memphis + There are tonnnnnnnns of Spanish-speaking people in New York = Marc Gasol is 100% going to sign with the Knicks.

But I guess the whole “Grew up and loves it in Memphis + The Grizzlies are clearly a better team + Gasol can make twice as much from Memphis as he could from New York” just may be enough to slightly tip the scales out of New York’s favor.

Sheridan lists Greg Monroe and LaMarcus Aldridge as number 4 and 5 on his list, with the Knicks being a potential fit for both (Monroe being much more likely).  So I guess all hope isn’t lost.  And if neither sign with the Knicks, New York can always draft Jahlil Okafor or Karl Anthony-Towns with the number 1 pick (please, please, please you spiteful Basketball Gods).

 

And while we are speaking of the draft, news broke on Sunday that the Knicks were shopping their number 1 pick:

ESPN- In an interview on ESPN New York’s “The Robin Lundberg Show,” ESPN NBA reporter Brian Windhorst said the Knicks are at the very least considering their options when it comes to trading their first-round pick.

Specifically, Windhorst said the Knicks are looking into “opportunities” to see “what they could possibly get if they trade their draft pick.”

Of course, it’s wise for Phil Jackson and the Knicks to at least gauge the market for the pick.  

 

Basically long story short, that report was just some click bait to take advantage of us frail, emotionally-abused Knicks fans.  Obviously the Knicks aren’t going to head into the draft with blinders on and just use their pick.  They are going to see what they can get for it, regardless of where the pick is in the lottery.  And it would honestly be stupid not to.

Now, it’s not like Steph Curry or Russell Westbrook are going to be offered in a trade for the pick.  But you never know how stupid another NBA team may be.  Like, for example, when the Bulls robbed the Knicks blind in the Eddy Curry trade.  Phil is going to have to at least shop around and see what’s out there before deciding what he will do with the pick.  There are going to be a ton of fake trade rumors and discussion about who the Knicks will pick.  But it’s better then what Knicks fans have looked forward to the last few summers.

Follow @TheClemReport

I Will Be Watching This Vine Of An Old Lady Getting Hit In The Head With A Basketball For The Rest Of 2015

“Hey mom, check out this funny picture I saw on Facebook today. Who cares that 10 of the best athletes in the world are competing right in front of us. Annnnnnd, your dead”. Meanwhile orange shirt guy with the “I care but I don’t care” one-handed, cross-body block attempt and Uncle Ben readying himself to catch this old coot’s melon once it pops off her head.

Old lady gets hit in face with basketball. Timeless. Classic. The modern day, real life version of Man Getting Hit By Football.

Follow @TheClemReport

Steph Curry Staring Down His Opponent Before His Shot Went In Was An Underrated Gem In Last Night’s NBA Highlight-Fest

https://vine.co/v/O0xU2TamE6b/embed/simplehttps://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

So puuuuuuuuure (Gus Johnson voice).  Between Russell Westbrook going Full Tecmo Bo against the Sixers and Chris Paul becoming an internet meme, there were plenty of exciting moments in the NBA last night.  But Steph taking a page out of Larry Bird’s playbook with the “stare your man down before the shot even goes in” move was too good to just get lost in the shuffle.  The Baby-Faced Killer has ice cubes in his veins as he shows Swaggy P how to do it.

 

NOW HIT SONYA CURRY’S MUSIC!!!

 

And while we are on the topic, I’d say the Steph Curry SportsCenter commercial gets a solid B.  Not the best they have done, but greatness is always expected out of them.

 

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to stare at what could have been for the Knicks and just whisper the names “Russell Westrbook, Steph Curry” to myself the rest of the day like Arya in Game of Thrones (not with hatred, but instead unfathomable sadness).

 

Follow @TheClemReport