Archive for the ‘Knicks’ Category

Sure, the Hitler meme has been done to death, but I think “Hitler in his bunker as the allied forces close in” is probably the best way to describe the way it felt to be a Knicks fan last Tuesday night. Just hopeless, trying to talk yourself into everything being alright.  Hope Melo stays healthy, the Knicks hit big in free agency, and the pick doesn’t become a complete disaster.  But us Knicks fans have to believe in something.   An entire year of tanking for this bullshit. So sad. So Knicks.

Also, the Cavs bowtie kid line killed me.  Because that son of a bitch has magical powers.  The least LeBron could have done after leaving the entire state of New York with blue balls following the Decision would have been to lend that bowtied rabbit’s foot to the Knicks for the lottery. Instead, nothing but Hitler memes for this sad ass franchise.

h/t Knicksmemes for creating this gem

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It has been an especially rough season for Knicks fans, so in times like this, it is best that we remember the happier moments. And while the surplus of dick punches and lack of championships has left the memory pool kind of shallow, this was an all-time great highlight for Knicks fans (and every NBA fan that isn’t a Lakers fan).

Kobe at his peak of arrogance just getting punked on national TV by a relatively bummy point guard. I remember hating the Chris Childs contract the minute the ink hit the paper. But when Childs two-pieced Kobe, he totally redeemed himself. I’m not saying Childs should have his number retired for the punches, but if the Knicks ever make a Ring of Honor, they can at least think about honoring the punches there.

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Sheridan Hoops-  2. Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies (Unrestricted)

He probably isn’t going anywhere, either. And a little birdie who knows of what he speaks tells me Gasol has already ruled out playing for the New York Knicks. It’s nothing personal with Phil Jackson or that consummate New Yorker, Jim Dolan (gag). It’s a matter of money. He can get a five-year deal to stay in Memphis, where he attended high school. After taxes, that will be worth more than twice what he would get from New York.

 

Well that was a real kick in the dick.  I think all Knicks fans thought Gasol was the best free agent the Knicks had a shot at.  You know when you come up with a ton of reasons for why a player will sign with your team that really don’t matter when push comes to shove?  Well here were mine for Marc Gasol and New York, in math equation form:

Marc’s brother Pau loved playing in the triangle for Phil Jackson in L.A. + Pau has 2 rings thanks to Phil + Marc looks up to Pau + Marc is a young Spaniard that apparently loves culture + New York has roughly 1 billion times more culture than Memphis + New York is CLOSER to Spain than Memphis + There are tonnnnnnnns of Spanish-speaking people in New York = Marc Gasol is 100% going to sign with the Knicks.

But I guess the whole “Grew up and loves it in Memphis + The Grizzlies are clearly a better team + Gasol can make twice as much from Memphis as he could from New York” just may be enough to slightly tip the scales out of New York’s favor.

Sheridan lists Greg Monroe and LaMarcus Aldridge as number 4 and 5 on his list, with the Knicks being a potential fit for both (Monroe being much more likely).  So I guess all hope isn’t lost.  And if neither sign with the Knicks, New York can always draft Jahlil Okafor or Karl Anthony-Towns with the number 1 pick (please, please, please you spiteful Basketball Gods).

 

And while we are speaking of the draft, news broke on Sunday that the Knicks were shopping their number 1 pick:

ESPN- In an interview on ESPN New York’s “The Robin Lundberg Show,” ESPN NBA reporter Brian Windhorst said the Knicks are at the very least considering their options when it comes to trading their first-round pick.

Specifically, Windhorst said the Knicks are looking into “opportunities” to see “what they could possibly get if they trade their draft pick.”

Of course, it’s wise for Phil Jackson and the Knicks to at least gauge the market for the pick.  

 

Basically long story short, that report was just some click bait to take advantage of us frail, emotionally-abused Knicks fans.  Obviously the Knicks aren’t going to head into the draft with blinders on and just use their pick.  They are going to see what they can get for it, regardless of where the pick is in the lottery.  And it would honestly be stupid not to.

Now, it’s not like Steph Curry or Russell Westbrook are going to be offered in a trade for the pick.  But you never know how stupid another NBA team may be.  Like, for example, when the Bulls robbed the Knicks blind in the Eddy Curry trade.  Phil is going to have to at least shop around and see what’s out there before deciding what he will do with the pick.  There are going to be a ton of fake trade rumors and discussion about who the Knicks will pick.  But it’s better then what Knicks fans have looked forward to the last few summers.

Last night’s Knicks game against the Raptors was oddly fun and entertaining.  Here are the top 5 moments from the game.  R.I.P. Big Mase.

 

5. Lou Amundson set the white basketball movement back 25 years and probably spawned countless White Men Can’t Jump jokes on the internet.

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4. A fan hit a halfcourt shot to win $10,000.  I am 100% sure Anthony Mason helped this shot go in.

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3. DeMar DeRozan’s missed 360 dunk on a fast break was legit LOL stuff.  I can’t wait to hear the old, cranky sportswriters talk about this play on Monday.

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https://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js2. Langston Galloway either channeled Michael Jordan or Michael Jordan copied Langston Galloway 17 years early.

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1. The Anthony Mason tribute video was very well done by Madison Square Garden.  That full-court shake and back he had against the Hawks was siiiick.  I remember seeing that move live on TV back in the day and didn’t even know Mase had that in him.

 

Bonus Video: Clyde breaking down the kind of player Anthony Mason was.  Despite the countless heartache the team has caused me, this Vine reminds me why I love being a Knicks fan.

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Usually following Frank Isola on Twitter is a chore for Knicks fans. The dude oozes negativity and one-liners clowning the Knicks. But after news of Anthony Mason’s passing, Isola did a good job getting some quotes and stories about Mason and those tough 90s Knicks teams.  R.I.P. Mase.

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Will NBA travels ever not be completely absurd and hilarious? As someone who grew up watching Patrick Ewing incorporate a 3 Step Shuffle as a signature move, I have always had respect for great travels. And if we are being honest, I can’t even blame Amundson. You never know when LeBron is going to come from behind and swat your breakaway dunk to oblivion like some sort of snake.

You also have to love Clyde and Breen just laughing their asses off at Amundson blatantly traveling. They are simply the best.

 

I can’t lie, this made me a little jealous as a Knicks fan. The Knicks suck just like the Lakers, but there is no joy in New York. These idiots are loving life after beating another shitty team (the Celtics) in overtime.

Now the NBA fan that spent his whole life listening to old, cranky sportswriters says these guys should be more serious about becoming a better team. But the evolved blogger with my own thoughts and feelings says this is great.

Can you imagine being on the Lakers and not having to look over your shoulder to make sure Dictator Kobe wasn’t going to murder you? It’s like staying at your girlfriend’s parents house for a weekend. You are on your best behavior the entire time, holding in all your farts and trying to avoid dropping an F bomb. The minute you leave that house, you can just let the farts fly and curse your brain off. Swaggy P is going to be extra Swaggy the next few months, and I for one cannot wait to see him finally fulfill his potential.

However, seeing Jeremy Lin and Jordan Hill having a ball was a nice kick in the dick. Lin because Peak Linsanity was probably the most fun the Garden has had since the 90s. And Jordan Hill because…well…you know.

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*Drinks full gallon of bleach*

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NY Post- Phil Jackson was relatively quiet Thursday afternoon at his first trade deadline as Knicks president, missing out on star point guard Goran Dragic and dealing veteran Pablo Prigioni to save a smidgen of cap space.

Prigioni, 37, is headed to the Rockets. The Knicks were to receive two late-second-round picks in 2017 and 2019 and 26-year-old Russian shooting guard Alexey Shved, who has an expiring $3.3 million contract. The Knicks do not plan on waiving Shved.

So the Knicks were pretty quiet at the trade deadline, only trading fan favorite Pablo Prigioni for relative unknown Alexey Shved.  Admittedly I did not know much about Shved, but considering he had a foreign name, I figured his girlfriend would be a foreign hottie.  Turns out my instincts were right, as you can see above.  She has that Russian stare that could melt Siberia, but still raise the Berlin Wall.  Plus those cornrows on #Shvedsanity are incredible.

Anyway, here are five facts about Alexey Shved that I learned from ESPN, Google Images, and Youtube.

 

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1.  He is from Russia, was born in 1988, and wears number 88.  This tells me that Alexey couldn’t understand English when he came over here and they just gave him the number 88 because that is the year of his birthday.  Kind of like if the AIM screen name you wanted was taken, so they just slapped your birth year at the end of your username.  Also, Alexey’s hair game is an 11 out of 10 (1 extra point due to adjusting from the Metric System to the U.S. System).

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2. He played on the Sixers this season, which means he can give us all of their tanking secrets.  This is the best part about Shved, if we are being honest.

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3.  Probably the most underrated part of Shved’s game is that he has 8 arms.  You may think this is illegal, but I checked the whole NBA rule book and there is no mention of any penalty for being a human octopus.  I am not sure how 6 extra arms will effect his ability to play in the triangle, but I believe that Coach Fisher can make it work.

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4. He can ride sharks.  People worry about players being able to handle the media when they come to New York.  But I think Shved can handle a few extra microphones and newspapers if he has already tamed the most dangerous predator in the ocean.  And before you tell me that the shark is clearly a float, I ask you this question: Which would be harder to ride, a real shark or an inflatable shark?  Because I have never seen anyone not named Alexey Shved comfortably ride an inflatable shark in my entire life.  Point, Alexey.

5. He is the worst trick or treater of all-time.  A stapler, a bobblehead, and I think I even saw a tomato in there.  People in Minnesota apparently love picking on big, dumb foreigners.  Shameful.

Bonus Video: Here are some highlights from Alexey’s performance in the NBA Rookie Game. It’s basically impossible to look bad in this game, but he is still probably better than half of the D-League talent on the Knicks anyway.

Bonus Math Equation: I have no idea what this equation means, but I am pretty sure we may have just backed into the weirdest player in the league with this trade.  Plays the same position as George Hill + the downtrodden look of Adam Morrison = Alexey Svhed?

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Real GM- Knicks’ center Eddy Curry is covered with tattoos, and the latest piece of artwork is in response to being omitted from the All-Star team: “Bruised Never Broken” is written across his chest.

“The NBA is killing me but they can’t break me,” Curry said of the tattoo he got on Monday.

 

Not really much to add here other than it is still funny that Eddy Curry felt so strongly to he was snubbed to be an All-Star reserve that he got a tattoo.  Eddy Curry.  Yes, the guy that set the Knicks franchise back 10 years (along with Isiah Thomas).  Actually that 2nd part isn’t so funny.

 

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F you, Wal-Mart.  The last thing I needed after a close loss and another Melo hat was to see Jeremy Lin’s face laughing at me.  Linsanity was basically the polar opposite of the current state of Knicks basketball.  A bunch of straight up nerds (Lin, Landry Fields, and Steve Novak) winning games they had no business winning as The Garden completely ate it up.  Then we let Lin go for nothing and brought back Fatboy Ray Felton to run the point.

Fast forward to today and we have a team that isn’t even trying to tank losing every game in the most heartbreaking fashion possible.  And I understand that this was probably a mistake made by some Wal-Mart employee making $3 per hour.  But I would hope that Carmelo Anthony is a big enough name to know that he isn’t an Asian basketball player, let alone that his name is not Anthony Carmelo.  But this is just sad.