Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

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As I watch Odell Beckham get hundreds/thousands of favs and retweets every time he tweets ANYTHING, it makes me happy and sad.  Happy that my favorite NFL player has developed a huge following on social media.  And sad because I will never have that type of love from the social media masses despite basically living my entire life on Twitter these days.  So I did a little experiment.  I waited until ODB tweeted something out and then copied/pasted his tweet as my own.  The results are above.  Almost 1400 retweets and 1400 favs for Beckham against my 1 retweet and 5 favs.  Odell just took me to Pound Town.

But in the words of everybody’s favorite mascot head wearer (Lee Corso), “NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND!”.  As of the writing of this blog, Odell Beckham has 404,000 followers (Twitter lists it as 404K to estimate because that is A LOT OF GOD DAMN PEOPLE.  I am jealous of everyone that has a K in their follower count).  I have 3,060 followers (and I love literally each and every one of them.  Especially the bots and Twitter Instagram hoes that just look for follow backs).  So by my math:

1 in every 290 of ODB’s followers retweeted his tweet, while 1 in every 295 of his followers favorited his tweet.

1 in every 3,060 of my followers retweeted my tweet, while 1 in every 612 of my followers favorited my tweet.

Looks like I lost again….

But wait!!!

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Odell Beckham tweeted out his tweet 39 seconds before I did.  So I still have time to make up the difference.

 

Who Tweeted It Better Verdict: Too close to call

 

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I watched that video three times trying to figure out what the hell Jeremy Fowler meant by the Browns having rubber duckies at quarterback, and it still doesn’t make sense.  But regardless, Fowler seemed proud as a peacock about that analogy.  However, a tip from Twitter telling me that maybe Fowler was referring to the Urban Dictionary definition of a rubber ducky.

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As it turns out, the Browns HAVE had rubber duckies at quarterback for years.  Great job by Jeremy Fowler and the Worldwide Leader for finally getting weird like the rest of us.

 

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Pssst, The Patriots will host the Steelers in the Thursday Night season opener.  The Giants and Cowboys will play the first Sunday Night Football game of the season.  The Seahawks will go to Green Bay Week 2.  Miss Lippy’s car is green.

Just random nonsense flood my Twitter timeline as is, but these NFL schedule leaks are the worst.  Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely eat every one of them up because I am an NFL fiend.  But it just seems RIDICULOUS that this is how everyone finds out the schedule before the “announcement” tonight at 8.  I have to print out every Giants schedule tweet and glue it to a piece of poster board just so I can see what the finished product looks like before the official announcement.  JK, that would be creepy.

<Slowly hides poster board and glue stick>

A-Rod truly cannot catch a break. He is like Richie Rich in the beginning of Richie Rich. He is always somehow one step behind what is trending or cool, despite having all the money in the world (except for the McDonald’s in his house. That was AWESOME).

One day, the A-Rod handwritten apology note is the topic around countless watercoolers. The next day, Big Vince Wilfork goes and changes the entire game with using some clip art and Microsoft Word concoction from hell. In fact, I don’t even know what to think of that picture. Just text bleeding onto different pages on the virtual clipboard.

 

The game is over and the parade route has been cleaned up.  All that was left was for someone to drop the African Super Bowl loser t-shirt joke.  Whether you hate the Patriots, their fans, or both, you have to admit that seeing (and listening to) the Seahawks win another Super Bowl was going to be brutal.  Richard Sherman saying he’s the best cornerback ever, Doug Baldwin chirping about how no one respects them enough, and those phony die-hard 12s telling everyone they are the best fans on Earth.

So it was nice to see Prince Amukamara, Akeem from Coming To America himself, drop the joke on the Seahawks grave.  And I’m sure Seattle fans will say an above-average cornerback whose team didn’t make the playoffs shouldn’t talk.  But when that above-average cornerback is on the only franchise to solve the Brady-Belichick combo in the Super Bowl and he knows his team will win about the next 5 Super Bowls with the best receiver in the universe on his team, I think Prince can yap all he wants.

 

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No one makes kind of adorable, Seahawks Skittles girl sad on my watch and gets away with it. Am I happy that Richard Sherman and the 12s are crying in their Starbucks this morning? You’re God damn right.  But this girl is cute as a button, especially with that Skittles eye-black on.

Do I think red eye-black doesn’t do a very job of preventing glare?  Of course!  But I can overlook that stuff in the name of cuteness.  For example, I hate cats with every fiber of my being. But I would have to be a cold-blooded asshole to hate kittens.  So I can forgive wearing red eye-black on the biggest game of the year, just because this girl is a legit cutie pie.  That being said, I really hope she isn’t crying on the shoulder of some emo Seattle-ite.  Is that even what they are called?  There are more questions than answers after that Super Bowl.

 

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This is the time of year when everyone is announcing their favorite prop bets.  I took a quick glance at BetOnline.com and picked out my five favorite/most ridiculous novelty props.  In semi-related news, I took Tim Wright +2500 to score the first touchdown and LOVED the pick as a longshot bet.  But the last few days, I have heard at least four different TV shows/podcasts say they loved the bet as well, which means I am screwed.

Anyway, onto the props!

1.   cleav

This is the question everyone has been talking about since the minute Katy Perry was announced as the Halftime Show performer.  If you bet the No, you hate happiness, fun, and freedom (in that order).

Clem’s Pick: YES (-700).  And a resounding Yes at that.  Katy is pumped.

2. perry

Katy Perry has legs/knees?  You learn something new every day.  As we said in prop #1, Katy is going to show the puppies off.  -700 tells us that much.  But there is no way the NFL is going to green light way too much skin after the year they just had.  After half the NFL was arrested for domestic abuse and all the stupid deflategate talk, the NFL is going to make Katy go somewhat conservative.

Clem’s Pick: Give me Pants (Below the knees) at +350, and I’m not too happy about it.

3. spin

If only Steve Smith Sr. was playing in the game.  Under 20 1/2 seconds would be the pick.  Senior is the best ball-spinner in the league.  Unfortunately, Stevie Smiff isn’t in the game.  But just the fact we can root for someone to spin a ball makes me proud to be an American.  I bet ISIS hates that we can bet on stuff like this.

Clem’s Pick: Under 20 1/2 Minutes Elapsed.  Seattle oozes swag, and spinning the ball is a swagalicious moves out there.  And if you can’t tell, I really miss Steve Smith in my life every Sunday.

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4.conf

This one made my brain explode.  I am not a college football fan, but I know the Pac-12 doesn’t get a ton of love.  But then you think about the players that are most likely to score a TD (Gronk, Lynch, Baldwin, Blount) and you realize that they are all Pac-12 guys.  It just goes to show you that Minor League Football is crazier than any of us know (that was just a dig at people who think College Football is better than NFL Football).

Clem’s Pick: Let’s get nutty.  I am going to pick the Big Ten and hope one of the QBs can sneak one in.  Tom Brady is the king of the short yardage dive, and Russy Wilson could scramble his way to a long TD.  Do the God damn thing, fellas.

5. sleeves

I am really torn on this one.  I want Belichick to turn the world on its head and come out fully sleeved.  But I also have a gut feeling that the NFL’s Emperor Palpaltine is not going to shake the apple cart.  He NEEEEEDS this Super Bowl win, since it will probably be the last one he has a chance to win.  Because noted Patriots killer Eli Manning will be leading the Giants and Odell Beckham Jr. to the big game for the foreseeable future.

Clem’s Pick:  Sleeves.  Lets get crazy, William! 

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Enjoy the game, commercials, food and most importantly the booze on Sunday!