It is with a heavy heart that we do our annual fantasy preview for this season of MTV: The Challenge. Last year I power ranked each player in The Challenge: Free Agents. With the passing of Diem and Knight, this season kind of has a black cloud over it. But nonetheless, my wife, sister, and brother-in-law drafted our teams. Rest in peace Diem and Knight. Fuck cancer and the personal demons that took Diem and Knight from us. But we will push on and try to have some fun watching the show that has brought us so much joy over the years. The rules are as follows.
Each individual player gets drafted. If Nany and Johnny Bananas are a team, that’s fine. But you can only draft one player at a time. If their team wins a challenge, both the players that have Nany and Bananas get points. The draft is a typical snake draft. Even though you will probably read this way too late to draft before the season actually begins, you can still draft after the first episode airs. There’s nothing wrong with that.
The point system is:
|First place in challenge= 25 Points
|Last place in challenge= -5 Points
|Winning a Dome= 10 Points
|Losing a Dome= -10 Points
|Surviving an episode= 5 Points
|Leave the show for anything other than losing a Dome. This includes giving up in the finals= -25 Points
|First place in finals= 100 Points
|2nd Place in finals= 50 Points (Must cross finish line)
|3rd Place in finals= 15 Points (Must cross finish line)
1. Johnny Bananas and Nany:
Basically the 2001 Miami Hurricanes of this Challenge.
2. Wes and Theresa:
The 2001 Va Tech Hokies (the only team that may be able to upset Banany, who yes call themselves that). Theresa goes from meh to hot depending on her outfits and can ABSOLUTELY pull off the knee-high sock look.
3. Jordan and Sarah:
Jordan is a hardo asshole that no one likes. Sarah changes between likable to the annoying chick that tries too hard. Unfortunately they have to be taken seriously on these shows because a break here or there makes them the favorites.
4. Leroy and Nia:
ROY LEEEE is the God damn man and my favorite person on the show. Nia is a legit terrible person that I wish ill upon. I just like Leroy too much to not have him higher.
5. Zach and Jonna:
Zach looks like a big tough guy, but has lampooned me in two challenges in a row. Jonna is either a pseudo homeless person or a legit homeless person. That means she may be weak from malnutrition or may be hungrier and willing to do ANYTHING to win that money. Do not count that out. She also goes from a hard 8.5 to a soft 5 depending on her look. Jonna, like Theresa, dominates the knee-high sock look.
6. CT and Diem:
Obviously I feel weird talking about this team because of all the real sadness that has happened. CT is an absolute animal at his peak. I heard Diem goes home this season. Call me a sap, but in my heart I hope CT somehow is able to stay on The Challenge, dominate, and donate his winnings to Diem’s MedGift foundation. It’s not the most likely thing in the world to happen, but I think we are all ROOTING for it to happen.
7. Adam and Brittany:
I know very little about either of these people, but usually one rookie team surpasses expectations. Flexing in your pic makes you an asshole, but Adam has muscles.
8. Johnny and Avery:
I fell for these two harrrrrrd in their season of The Real World. I thought they were the modern day Julie Taylor and Matt Saracen. Except in this version, Johnny broke Avery’s God damn heart. Sure she may be spacey and perhaps somewhat of a floozy. But she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen inside and out. F you Johnny. Still, they have some clout just because they are both so likable.
9. Jay and Jenna:
Jenna is hot. Jay is meh. Nuff said. Actually Jenna is really, really, really hot. Ok, that’s enough.
10. Knight and Jemmye:
Their relationship is always bordering on chaotic. Jemmye has been a great competitor in the past, but the picture of her tells me she isn’t in the best physical shape going into The Challenge. If they were both focused, they could have been contenders.
11. JJ and Simon:
Basically Napoleon Dynamite and Devyn from The Challenge. Pass. HARD pass.
12. Thomas and Hailey:
I never saw their season, but my sister called them “feeble and wack”. So, yeah. That can’t be good.
13. Dustin and Jessica:
The two worst and most annoying people on the challenge BY FAR. F them both. I pray to God they are eliminated first round.
My draft breakdown:
I had the three pick, which was less than ideal. To no one’s surprise, Bananas and Nany were the first two taken. But instead of playing it safe with Wes, I went with my heart. I love CT. I love Diem. I know Diem leaves at some point in the season. But like I said, sometimes you have to draft with what you want to root for. And I want to believe that CT took home a W in the name of Diem. Plus, if they need to give him a new ex, they can say Laurel and CT once had a flirting fling. And THAT would be the 2001 Miami Hurricanes. So CT was my first pick.
The next round, I was blinded by my hatred for Wes and Theresa that I didn’t even look at them. I went with Sarah, who is pretty decent and has a bunch of arm tattoos, which raises her toughness level to well above mine. This was a mistake.
In the 3rd round, I went with Jonna. Again, she is probably willing to do things to win the money that many of us (including some of these desperate SOBs) would never do. Plus she has The Incredible Hulk on her team. That should help slightly.
I literally picked Adam because his blurb on my sheet said “Maybe” which was better than anyone else’s blurb at that time. It’s getting desperate.
Knight was my boy on his Real World season, so I went with him. The long hair and Jemmye’s weight gain is a big red flag however.
Finally, I took Jenna with my last pick because she is hot. That matters because:
1. It is fun to root for hot girls.
2. Guys like to keep hot girls in The Challenge house.
Again, sorry for the shorter blog for this season, but it just never felt right to get excited after all the crappy news we heard last month. Here’s to another season of The Challenge. Rest in peace, Diem and Knight.