Introducing The Newest, Greatest MTV: The Challenge Podcast Ever. “No Quitters”

MTV: The Challenge is the best reality show on TV. You can talk about The Bachelor, The Real World, or any other show. But The Challenge is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. And on December 2nd, we are #blessed to have the 27th(!!!) season of the challenge debut. Think of it as the best early Christmas (or Hanukkah, Kwanza, Festivus) gift you have ever received in your life.

Since podcasting is what’s hot in the streets these days, Big Cat, Connor and myself decided to tape a podcast discussing this season’s Challenge.  We talk about every cast member from this season along with some of our favorite memories of Challenge past. Now before you listen to the podcast above, make sure you check out the trailer and the Meet The Cast videos below (I had to link to the Meet The Cast special since MTV ain’t bout that Embed life)

 

Watch the Meet The Cast special by clicking here.

 

Another glorious season of Challenge memories are ahead for us.  So follow us on Twitter at the handle @NoQuittersPod and don’t quit on us, we won’t quit on you.

 

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The Impossible Question: Who Is Your Least Favorite Seinfeld Character?

Every season, my fantasy baseball league has a theme for team names.  Each year, you rename your team based on that theme.  Last year was Seinfeld.  And I’m not talking just Seinfeld characters.  You could be David Putty or you could be the Urban Sombrero.  There was obviously no shortage of incredible options.  Because if you ask a group of people what their favorite Seinfeld episode/character/storyline/etc. is, you will get a ton of different answers.

But I kind of went the other way here.  Who is your LEAST favorite character?  I do actually think there is one clear answer, but I may be wrong. So much on that show was great, especially if the character was a terrible person. So write in your answer below, Google Forms will add everything up and yada yada yada we will have our answer for who the worst Seinfeld character is/was.

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New York Police Can Rest Easy About Those Two Escaped Convicts Because Dog The Bounty Hunter Is On The Case

Time Warner News- He’s more than just a reality TV celebrity.  “People expect me to do something,” said Duane “Dog” Chapman. “Do you know what I mean?”  Chapman, better known as Dog The Bounty Hunter, and his crew are following the manhunt for the two escaped prisoners from Clinton Correctional Facility.  “The reward out there is good,” he said. “Somebody’s going to make some money to provide some information.”   Chapman said his website has been receiving two tips an hour about the whereabouts of escapees Richard Matt and David Sweat. Their investigation stepped up last week after U.S. Marshals placed the convicts on the 15 Most Wanted List.  “Once they put them on the top 15, then we’re after them but you’ve got to be very careful. You can’t go up there and jump in the cops’ crime scene or go through the cabin and look for stuff. You’ve got to be very, very careful not to step on anybody’s toes,” Chapman said.

 

This reminds me of back in 95 as MJ watched Scottie Pippen and the Bulls start to fall behind teams like the Knicks, Pacers, and Magic.  Dog is just throwing on the 4-5 and trying to lend a hand to arrest a couple of very dangerous guys.  The only difference from his show is that this isn’t bounty hunting some guy that missed his traffic court date in Hawaii.  These are two cold-blooded murderers that were able to outsmart the system and escape from prison.  If those guys see Dog The Bounty Hunter, they will definitely murder him and nobody wins in that scenario.  I don’t think any of us can handle losing Dog The Bounty Hunter and Steve Irwin in the last 10 years.  They are the Washington and Lincoln on the “Weird Job Reality Show Mount Rushmore.”

 

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The Game Of Thrones + Dumb Ways To Die Mashup Is AWESOME. Plus A Few Other Videos To Get You Excited For Tonight’s Premiere

***WARNING, SPOILERS BELOW IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED SEASONS 1-4***

(Original video for reference)

I am not sure how many people have seen the video or played Dumb Ways To Die on their phone, but I know it had like 100 billion downloads a few years ago.  The game was always a fun way to pass a couple of minutes while getting that goddamn awesome hook stuck in your head.  But whoever took that song and animated the biggest Game of Thrones deaths over it is a genius.  I thought I was hyped for tomorrow night’s premiere until I saw Khaleesi’s dickhead brother get a liquid golden crown and Joffrey die all over again.  Now I am fucking STOKED. If the trade-off is that I have to hear that song in my head until 9 PM tonight, so be it.  And sure, maybe Theon isn’t technically “dead”, but if your dick gets cut off by a raving lunatic and you now think that you are a dog, you certainly cannot be considered “alive”.

However, not all of the video was fun to watch.  #RIP to basically every Stark I ever loved except for Arya.  I flat out refuse to rewatch the Red Wedding and I turn away from the TV in the beginning of the next episode when Robb’s dead body has his dead direwolf’s head stapled on.  I need Arya’s body count to reach triple digits by the end of this season so I can feel like Ned and Robb’s deaths were properly avenged (probably not going to happen).

 

Anyway, here are a few more videos to whet your appetite for tonight’s premiere.

If the video above wasn’t bloody enough for you, here is every death from seasons 1-4:

Season 5 previews:

Compilation of the best Red Wedding reactions:

Arya’s reaction to the Red Wedding:

Compilation of the best reactions to Oberyn Martell getting his head popped the fuck off:

Uncut long shot from last season’s battle on The Wall:

Giants shooting giant bow and arrows:

View this post on Instagram

Best scene from last nights The Watchers and the Wall episode of #GoT

A post shared by Kevin Clancy (@kfcbarstool) on Jun 9, 2014 at 7:18am PDT

And of course, the best show/opening sequence in TV history.  I just have this song playing on loop in my house right now.  In my defense, I am not what you would call a “cool person”.

PS- “Dumb ways to die.  So many dumb ways to die.  Dumb ways to diiiiiie.  So many dumb ways to die”.  Sorry, but you know it’s still stuck in your head.

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The SNL “Say What You Want To Say” Commercial Skit Was Dead On Balls Accurate

 

Nailed it.  I think I have been in every one of those scenarios.  Not wanting to hang out with certain co-workers outside of the cubes or being stuck with the person that shorts the restaurant bill every damn time.  And the toilet scene is a dagger to the heart of any cube monkey. I recently got a job where I work from home. And other than having to commute exactly 0 minutes a day, being able to poop in the privacy of my own bathroom is easily the best part of the “work from home” life.

The only problem with this video is that I have ‘Nam-like flashbacks of that commercial being beaten into my brain every NFL Sunday for 20+ weeks. And anytime you bring up commercials that were beaten to death during NFL season, you leave the gate open for this song to re-enter your life.

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Your Fantasy Draft Guide For MTV The Challenge: Battle of the Exes 2

It is with a heavy heart that we do our annual fantasy preview for this season of MTV: The Challenge.  Last year I power ranked each player in The Challenge: Free Agents.  With the passing of Diem and Knight, this season kind of has a black cloud over it.  But nonetheless, my wife, sister, and brother-in-law drafted our teams.  Rest in peace Diem and Knight.  Fuck cancer and the personal demons that took Diem and Knight from us.  But we will push on and try to have some fun watching the show that has brought us so much joy over the years.  The rules are as follows.

Each individual player gets drafted.  If Nany and Johnny Bananas are a team, that’s fine.  But you can only draft one player at a time.  If their team wins a challenge, both the players that have Nany and Bananas get points.  The draft is a typical snake draft.  Even though you will probably read this way too late to draft before the season actually begins, you can still draft after the first episode airs.  There’s nothing wrong with that.

The point system is:

First place in challenge= 25 Points

Last place in challenge= -5 Points

Winning a Dome= 10 Points

Losing a Dome= -10 Points

Surviving an episode= 5 Points

Leave the show for anything other than losing a Dome. This includes giving up in the finals= -25 Points

First place in finals= 100 Points

2nd Place in finals= 50 Points (Must cross finish line)

3rd Place in finals= 15 Points (Must cross finish line)

Teams Breakdown:

1. Johnny Bananas and Nany:

Basically the 2001 Miami Hurricanes of this Challenge.

2. Wes and Theresa:

The 2001 Va Tech Hokies (the only team that may be able to upset Banany, who yes call themselves that).  Theresa goes from meh to hot depending on her outfits and can ABSOLUTELY pull off the knee-high sock look.

3. Jordan and Sarah:

Jordan is a hardo asshole that no one likes.  Sarah changes between likable to the annoying chick that tries too hard.  Unfortunately they have to be taken seriously on these shows because a break here or there makes them the favorites.

4. Leroy and Nia:

ROY LEEEE is the God damn man and my favorite person on the show.  Nia is a legit terrible person that I wish ill upon.  I just like Leroy too much to not have him higher.

5. Zach and Jonna:

Zach looks like a big tough guy, but has lampooned me in two challenges in a row.  Jonna is either a pseudo homeless person or a legit homeless person.  That means she may be weak from malnutrition or may be hungrier and willing to do ANYTHING to win that money.  Do not count that out.  She also goes from a hard 8.5 to a soft 5 depending on her look.  Jonna, like Theresa, dominates the knee-high sock look.

6. CT and Diem:

Obviously I feel weird talking about this team because of all the real sadness that has happened.  CT is an absolute animal at his peak.  I heard Diem goes home this season.  Call me a sap, but in my heart I hope CT somehow is able to stay on The Challenge, dominate, and donate his winnings to Diem’s MedGift foundation.  It’s not the most likely thing in the world to happen, but I think we are all ROOTING for it to happen.

7. Adam and Brittany:

I know very little about either of these people, but usually one rookie team surpasses expectations.  Flexing in your pic makes you an asshole, but Adam has muscles.

8. Johnny and Avery: 

I fell for these two harrrrrrd in their season of The Real World.  I thought they were the modern day Julie Taylor and Matt Saracen.  Except in this version, Johnny broke Avery’s God damn heart.  Sure she may be spacey and perhaps somewhat of a floozy.  But she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen inside and out.  F you Johnny.  Still, they have some clout just because they are both so likable.

9. Jay and Jenna:

Jenna is hot.  Jay is meh.  Nuff said.  Actually Jenna is really, really, really hot.  Ok, that’s enough.

10. Knight and Jemmye:

Their relationship is always bordering on chaotic.  Jemmye has been a great competitor in the past, but the picture of her tells me she isn’t in the best physical shape going into The Challenge.  If they were both focused, they could have been contenders.

11. JJ and Simon: 

Basically Napoleon Dynamite and Devyn from The Challenge.  Pass.  HARD pass.

12. Thomas and Hailey:

I never saw their season, but my sister called them “feeble and wack”.  So, yeah.  That can’t be good.

13. Dustin and Jessica:

The two worst and most annoying people on the challenge BY FAR.  F them both.  I pray to God they are eliminated first round.

My draft breakdown:

I had the three pick, which was less than ideal.  To no one’s surprise, Bananas and Nany were the first two taken.  But instead of playing it safe with Wes, I went with my heart.  I love CT.  I love Diem.  I know Diem leaves at some point in the season.  But like I said, sometimes you have to draft with what you want to root for.  And I want to believe that CT took home a W in the name of Diem.  Plus, if they need to give him a new ex, they can say Laurel and CT once had a flirting fling.  And THAT would be the 2001 Miami Hurricanes.  So CT was my first pick.

The next round, I was blinded by my hatred for Wes and Theresa that I didn’t even look at them.  I went with Sarah, who is pretty decent and has a bunch of arm tattoos, which raises her toughness level to well above mine.  This was a mistake.

In the 3rd round, I went with Jonna.  Again, she is probably willing to do things to win the money that many of us (including some of these desperate SOBs) would never do.  Plus she has The Incredible Hulk on her team.  That should help slightly.

I literally picked Adam because his blurb on my sheet said “Maybe” which was better than anyone else’s blurb at that time.  It’s getting desperate.

Knight was my boy on his Real World season, so I went with him.  The long hair and Jemmye’s weight gain is a big red flag however.

Finally, I took Jenna with my last pick because she is hot.  That matters because:

1. It is fun to root for hot girls.

2. Guys like to keep hot girls in The Challenge house.

Again, sorry for the shorter blog for this season, but it just never felt right to get excited after all the crappy news we heard last month.  Here’s to another season of The Challenge.  Rest in peace, Diem and Knight.

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Nick Offerman Rumored To Have Been Offered A Role In Season 2 Of Fargo, Probably Because He Would Be A Perfect Fit

IGN- Jeffrey Donovan, who spent seven seasons as the star of USA’s Burn Notice, is joining the cast of FX’s Fargo for its second season. Plus, according to The Wrap, Parks and Recreation’s Nick Offerman has been offered a role – though he’s not currently in negotiations.

Donovan will be playing a character named “Dodd.” No other details have been provided about the character. The same goes for the role Offerman is being sought for, which is “Carl.”

I gotta say, Nick Offerman was born to play a midwestern cop in a dark comedy.  He has the personality, acting chops, and killer stache needed for a quirky show like Fargo.  Plus, he is from Illinois and has the face of someone that has eaten more sausages and cured meats in his life than he’d care to admit.  I have only seen a few episodes of Parks and Rec, but Ron Swanson steals the show every damn time.  Do the right thing Nick and accept the role.  It is your density.

The only person that would be a better fit for a role on Fargo is the mom from Bobby’s World. She had the perfect accent and was always freaking pregnant.   And Bobby’s brother Derek had to be the inspiration for the Billy Bob character from Season 1, right?  Just a diabolical asshole that wanted to watch the world burn.

 

Damn, that show was awesome.  I immediately went down a Bobby’s World YouTube wormhole and found the old intro.  Straight fire.

 

And you may ask, who wrote such a great theme song?  There is only one answer, my friends.

TESHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

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The How I Met Your Mother Alternate Ending Has Been Released And It Is Roughly 1 Million Times Better Than The Original Ending

***Spoilers follow if you didn’t watch the finale for How I Met Your Mother (Duh)***

Original Ending:

Alternate Ending:

How do you end a fun, light-hearted show that had you root for the underdog main character, despite his annoying tendencies?  Kill his wife of course!  I hated the living shit out of the original ending after I saw it and now refuse to watch old episodes of the show because of it.  In the words of Mike Franecsa “what an uttah, uttah disastuh”.

That being said, the alternate ending was basically perfect.  It recapped some of the fun moments from the earlier seasons and made you feel like Ted Evelyn Mosby went through all that crap for a reason.  And when the credits come on for one last time, you are smiling as you reminisce about all the fun times you spent with those characters instead of wondering why you just wasted 9 years of your life following a show that would end so grimly.

Finally, am I crazy to think that the alternate ending was one of the best endings of all-time?  Like I said earlier, it wraps up some of the best moments into one little package and leaves you smiling.  That is more than you can say for a lot of other sitcoms.

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Game of Leagues: Sports Leagues And The Game Of Thrones Families They Represent

After a week of great news and uplifting stories, I figured the only place scarier than the sports world is the world in George R.R. Martin’s twisted mind.  So here is my list of sports leagues and the Houses of Westeros that they represent.

***Spoilers ahead if you are not caught up on Game of Thrones***

Rust Cohle Is Back! But This Time In A Lincoln MKC Commercial. Wait, What?

Remember how people used to always say Matthew McConaughey wasn’t a great actor because he basically just played himself in his movies?  Well it looks like Matty boy is typecasting himself yet again.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved True Detective and the countless Reddit theories that it created.  And if Peter Dinklage dressed up as Tyrion Lannister with a fresh pair of Nikes, I would be waiting outside of a Foot Locker right now  Hell, I even tossed around the idea of becoming a meth head just because I respected Walter White’s hustle that much.

But despite one of the greatest years in acting history, McConaughey (I have to look up how to spell it every time) should probably create some fresh characters for his Lincoln commercials.  Just hearing his voice or seeing him will perk up the undercarriage of any respectable American consumer.  No need to bring back our favorite characters for capitalistic gains, right?  (Thinking…).  Well I guess it got people talking about the commercial, so jokes on me I guess.  Keep doing you, Matt.  Keep doing you.

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