Posts Tagged ‘america’

Final Rating: 9.2/10. Wow. That’s all I can really say after eating these Chocolate Covered Twinkies. They were much better than I was ready for them to be. The best way I can compare how good they are is by referencing the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Twinkies are like Wes. A name everybody knows about when discussing desserts/The Challenge. But they are truly nothing special in the grand scheme of things. But the season where Wes was on steroids and destroyed the competition? That is what Twinkies dipped in chocolate tastes like. Contenders for the title. Is that a bold statement? Yes. But I wholeheartedly stand by it. Chocolate Covered Twinkies = Wes From MTV: The Challenge. Where else can you get analysis like that?

P.S. This review was done outside while having a picnic on a blanket. Try and be more wholesomely American than eating Twinkies during a picnic. You can’t.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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Sorry folks, but I am completely at a loss here.  I understand why the Browns are popular near Texas (Johnny Football).  I understand that the Steelers, Packers, and Raiders have a wide reach because they are/were national teams.  But the Rams being the most popular jersey in Alaska flummoxes me to no end.  I mean I could see some Eskimo in Sam Bradford if I try, but that’s not it.  Maybe the brief Michael Sam experiment inspired the homosexual communities in the Great White North?  Perhaps.  But something just doesn’t add up here.

And the Panthers being the team of the Aloha state?  Again, no clue.  Riverboat Ron looks like he could be a Hawaii native, but my thorough investigation (reading his Wikipedia page) says that is not the case.  Maybe the islanders just don’t know that Panthers Steve Smith has evolved into the indestructible force known as Ravens Steve Smith Sr.

Keep up, Alaska and Hawaii.  Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

For more nonsensical NFL football thoughts, follow me on Twitter @TheClemReport

OK, I have had enough of this malarky.  It was funny when elected officials with noodle arms and no athletic skill threw out a bad first pitch.  Even the occasional 50 Cent or Carl Lewis blooper got a chuckle.  But now we are just shitting all over our national past time.  Did Miss Texas have a problem finding an American flag to burn as she threw out the pitch?  Shameful.

As far as I am concerned, we should kick Texas out of the Union for this.  They have always wanted to be their own country, anyway.  This was the final straw.  Tax the living shit out of the Cowboys and Longhorns when they want to play a football game against American teams. Win/win.

Also, what happened to beauty queens besmirching their states and family names with sex scandals?  I miss the good old days.  Now I have to give the Ceremonial First Pitch the Oregon Trail treatment.ore

No matter what you think of the Dubya or the Yankees, this is the best first pitch ever. I am going to petition future MLB commissioner Rob Manfred to right the wrongs of his predecessors by creating a rule that all stadiums must show the George W. Bush first pitch before every baseball game. This way, the terrorists (both local* and abroad) lose.
*Yes, I just called Miss Texas a terrorist. I stand by that statement 100%

If that doesn’t work, we can all agree that Plan B should be showing Chrissy Teigen’s first pitch before every game, right?  Sexy, fun, and a legit throw.  Just the way our forefathers would have wanted it.

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via Movoto

Basically if your state is not light blue or light red, you are surrounded by ignoramuses.  And yes, I understand that most people watch Game of Thrones and Fargo without pirating it.  But that’s not the point here.  If you are going through the effort of illegally downloading TV shows, it better be for something decent.  A few other thoughts.

1. Can we annex the green states to China in exchange for a few dollars off of our crushing debt?  Watching “The Big Bang Theory” is terrible enough.  But spending your time and bandwidth to download that show is almost criminal (well I guess it is definitely criminal, if you think about it).

2. New York should probably be stripped of it’s title as the capital of media (and capital of the world if we are being honest).  Torrenting Beauty and the Beast is just an abject disaster that there is no excuse for.  I would rather have a Tyler Perry show be listed there instead of CW’s production of the tale as old as time.

3. I have never heard of Orphan Black, but if West Virginia is the only state that torrents that show, there is NO way I am ever going to watch it.  It probably makes Deliverance look like a Disney movie.

4. I also don’t know a damn thing about Awkward or Penny Dreadful.  But not having the same TV tastes as the residents of Florida, Texas, and Maine is something I am actually proud of.

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1. I can’t lie, I figured the Asian heavy populations of California and New York would hammer the Godzilla downloads.  Then again, I imagine most Germans avoided watching Inglorious Basterds for similar reasons.

2. If Texas didn’t have Lone Survivor as their movie, this entire map would be a fraud.  Same with Cuban Fury for Florida.  Right in their respective wheelhouses.

3. Alaska’s movie is about a Texas Cowboy who acquires and fights against AIDS.  I give up.

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A union worker on a Fox News channel with the American flag behind him and a cigar in his hand.  Murica gonna Murica.  I cannot possibly describe how much I love this picture.  Keep doing you, Joe Ligotti.  Uncle Sam couldn’t be prouder.

via Reddit

A GoPro camera, a drone, and fireworks.  Basically the most American video ever.

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Also, if this doesn’t make you think of Will Ferrell singing at the end of Step Brothers, you have some soul searching to do.