Your favorite blog covering sports, pop culture, and random internet awesomeness. I write blog posts for the American internet man. Because that's what I am, and that's who I care about.
Ever wondered what a guy that just worked a 10-hour shift as he watched his team completely bumble a trade sounds like? Boy do I have a podcast for you!
But seriously, I was going to bring the podcast back in a few days anyway and then this all happened after I had brought the microphone downstairs. So if you want to hear what I think of the trade that never was, check it out. The podcast will be about anything/everything you want. Sports, pop culture, music, random nonsense, etc. Tweet ideas to me at @TheClemReport on Twitter or email them to me at TheClemReport@gmail.com. And thanks for listening!
I didn’t realize how much I missed Vlady Daddy’s swing until I saw the All-Star Celebrity Softball Game last night. The Home Run Derby’s new format worked like a charm and owned the night, but seeing Vlady just hacking like he was back in Montreal was the cherry on top. No batting gloves and a strike zone from his nose to his toes. Just the coolest player in baseball.
I am still upset that the Mets didn’t sign him as a free agent back in 2004. They elected to go the Mike Cameron/Kaz Matsui route, which I think we can all agree was a mistake, even if Vlady was coming off of a back injury and Ray Ramirez had just become head trainer of the team. But still, just a typically brutal decision by the Mets.
And lets not forget Vlady’s absolute cannon in right field. Ahhh screw it, lets just stop fighting it and go down the Vlady Guerrero wormhole together.
(That last video had it all. Pedro and Vlady on the Expos. Carlos Baerga, Edgardo Alfonzo, and Todd Hundley on the Mets. What a blast from the goddamn past).
Three home run game be damned, if I was Sandy Alderson I would cut Kirk Nieuwenhuis and sign Vlady Guerrero tomorrow. Better bat, better arm, and a slight disadvantage in running (JK, Vlady always ran like one leg was 18 inches shorter than the other).
The video basically says it all. What it doesn’t mention is how they snuck into Michael Jordan’s All-Star party with Ian Kinsler’s buddies and hung out in VIP with MJ, Derek Jeter, and all the other All-Stars (Kinsler, Chase Utley, etc.). If I had tried to pull a move like this, no doubt my ass would have been thrown in a patty wagon. Matt (the younger brother) saw MJ leave the bathroom and froze. So he did what any normal person would do. Gave Michael Jordan the biggest hug possible. They also chatted up Jeter throughout the night, fulfilling every Yankees fan’s wildest (non-sexual) dreams. They basically hung out in VIP until the end of the party. Both have been married and have had children. But I think if you gave them truth serum, both would say that night was the best night of their lives. F my life as a Mets fan.
In honor of the Mets’ home opener, I am going to re-run this blog that I wrote in November. As I did in 2014, I broke down the best promotions of the schedule. This may be the first Mets season in a long time where the product on the field is better than the products given out for free off the field. On to the rankings:
39.
If you wear a fedora, you are an asshole. If you wear a fedora that was given away at a Mets game, you should probably kill yourself*
*This does not hold true for Bruno Mars, who is the only person in the world that can successfully pull off a fedora.
Opening Day projections: Travis and Encarnacion on pace for 162 home runs. Jays on pace for 162 win season. #bookit — Jon Muma (@jonmuma) April 7, 2015
Opening Day. A day of eternal hope. Warm weather and girls in sun dresses are right around the corner. To quote the great Lego Movie, “Everything is awesome”.
And then it happens. The first batch of “on pace” tweets comes in. And then a few minutes later, a couple of coworkers hit you with their own “on pace” jokes. And then finally, your local announcer, the man that will take this 162 game journey with you hand-in-hand, throws his own “on pace” joke out there. And at least he is ensured that the color commentator will laugh at his “joke”. But all this tomfoolery is just another example of why people cannot have nice things like Opening Day.
So if you hear a friend, family member, coworker, or even total stranger using one of these “on pace” stats after one game, please tell him/her that it is not cool or funny. And that no one likes them. And they will die alone and nobody will go to their funeral if they continue to make jokes like this. Together we can save the world from these tyrants.
After appearing on the podcast a few weeks ago, I rejoined the Put It In The Podcast show to talk about Mets seasons predictions and discuss the recent moves (Lagares contract and actually acquiring living, breathing left-handed pitchers for the bullpen) in this episode. Oh yeah, and things get kind of weird.
Listen to the episode below and check out all episodes of the podcast on iTunes by clicking here. Happy Opening Day to all*! (*Mets fans only)
Final Rating: 8.7/10. As a Mets fan, I have no beef with Red Sox fans. We have a common enemy in Yankees fans and there is really no overlay. Plus, one of the greatest moments in Mets history is an all-time testicle kick (the 1986 World Series). This goes double for the Patriots and their fans. Anyway, Red Sox fans have a deep love for the Fenway Franks. I enjoyed them when I went to Fenway in 2005, but I never thought in a million years I would see them in a grocery store in suburban New York.
The Fenway Franks are more Ballpark frank than Nathan’s, Sabrett, or Hebrew National. A good amount of flavor and a compact dog. Thank GOD that grilling season has started again, which is officially anytime after St. Patty’s Day in the Clem household. It also means you cannot wear a winter jacket again until November. But that’s the responsibility that comes with the honor of grilling. Screw the Yankees, Lets Go Mets (and Red Sox too, especially times where it will piss off Yankees fans). And for the record, I am pretty sure that Fenway Franks were better than Dodger Dogs.
To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.
I saw this on /r/NewYorkMets last night and just had to write something about it. I hear people say that his advanced stats and BABIP were at an all-time high, which signifies some luck. Plus he played in Texas, which is a bandbox. But I’m sorry. If you played with those Rangers teams in the mid-90’s, you were juicing. It’s literally that black and white. Instead of cup tests they probably wouldn’t let you leave the locker room unless you had a fresh needle mark in your ass. And I’m not here to judge. Anyone who wouldn’t take something to make them millions of dollars is stupid if you ask me. But lets call a spade a spade.
And while we are talking about the Rangers, look at Juan Gonzalez’s numbers in Texas. They literally make me laugh out loud as I look at them. Again, I realize the Rangers played in a hitter’s ballpark. But said ballpark was still on Earth and adhered to the laws of gravity like every other ballpark.
Also, Juan Gone was one of the best lazy nicknames of all-time, in that it just took the first parts of his name like A-Rod. Dammit, Juan Gone was the man.
Two weeks ago, the Mets announced their promotional schedule for the 2015 season. As I did in 2014, I broke down the best promotions of the schedule. This may be the first Mets season in a long time where the product on the field is better than the products given out for free off the field. On to the rankings:
Sure the Gold Glove is a relatively meaningless award that is somehow occasionally determined by how popular/offensively talented a player is. But as a Mets fan, any type of good news is GREAT news. While I may hate the late 90s-early 2000s Yankees for ruining my childhood, I have to respect how they built their team. They built it up the middle, with a catcher, shortstop, and centerfielder to help anchor their pitching staff. You can usually find decent players on the corners via trade or free agency. But most teams do not let up-the-middle talent walk away (insert Jose Reyes picture here).
I think/hope that the Mets have found their centerfielder and catcher for the next 10 years or so. Both Lagares and Travis d’Arnaud looked like Major League players last season and showed a knack for hitting in the clutch. The long-term outlook for the middle infield positions are still huge question marks, but money or trade assets will likely (hopefully?) be used to fix that problem. So whether the Mets have to take a chance on a middle infielder with injury issues, off-the-field issues, or some other type of warts, I will sleep easy tonight knowing that Juan Lagares will make centerfield in Citi Field the place where fly balls go to die for the foreseeable future. I want Lagares to defensively kill rallies the same way Andruw Jones used to do against the Mets. Tonight’s Gold Glove is a sign that he is one of the (if not THE) best defensive outfielders in the game. I have a feeling that a few Juan Lagares Gold Gloves will turn into Cy Young Awards for some of his teammates in the near future. But that is probably just the Mets fan in me. Our optimistic season only goes from November-July. Juanny Beisbol is now Juanny Be Gold.
Now if you will excuse me, I am going to treat my eyeballs to some Juan Lagares baseball porn. I suggest you do the same.
The Clem Report 