Posts Tagged ‘basketball’

Sit back and bathe in the beauty.

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Final Rating: 6.4/10. I wish I could love it.  I truly do.  But in the end it just leaves me slightly disappointed with a bitter taste in my mouth.  Just like LeBron James’ personality.

Boom.  Roasted.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

Sure, the Hitler meme has been done to death, but I think “Hitler in his bunker as the allied forces close in” is probably the best way to describe the way it felt to be a Knicks fan last Tuesday night. Just hopeless, trying to talk yourself into everything being alright.  Hope Melo stays healthy, the Knicks hit big in free agency, and the pick doesn’t become a complete disaster.  But us Knicks fans have to believe in something.   An entire year of tanking for this bullshit. So sad. So Knicks.

Also, the Cavs bowtie kid line killed me.  Because that son of a bitch has magical powers.  The least LeBron could have done after leaving the entire state of New York with blue balls following the Decision would have been to lend that bowtied rabbit’s foot to the Knicks for the lottery. Instead, nothing but Hitler memes for this sad ass franchise.

h/t Knicksmemes for creating this gem

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So puuuuuuuuure (Gus Johnson voice).  Between Russell Westbrook going Full Tecmo Bo against the Sixers and Chris Paul becoming an internet meme, there were plenty of exciting moments in the NBA last night.  But Steph taking a page out of Larry Bird’s playbook with the “stare your man down before the shot even goes in” move was too good to just get lost in the shuffle.  The Baby-Faced Killer has ice cubes in his veins as he shows Swaggy P how to do it.

 

NOW HIT SONYA CURRY’S MUSIC!!!

 

And while we are on the topic, I’d say the Steph Curry SportsCenter commercial gets a solid B.  Not the best they have done, but greatness is always expected out of them.

 

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to stare at what could have been for the Knicks and just whisper the names “Russell Westrbook, Steph Curry” to myself the rest of the day like Arya in Game of Thrones (not with hatred, but instead unfathomable sadness).

 

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Usually following Frank Isola on Twitter is a chore for Knicks fans. The dude oozes negativity and one-liners clowning the Knicks. But after news of Anthony Mason’s passing, Isola did a good job getting some quotes and stories about Mason and those tough 90s Knicks teams.  R.I.P. Mase.

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NY Post- Phil Jackson was relatively quiet Thursday afternoon at his first trade deadline as Knicks president, missing out on star point guard Goran Dragic and dealing veteran Pablo Prigioni to save a smidgen of cap space.

Prigioni, 37, is headed to the Rockets. The Knicks were to receive two late-second-round picks in 2017 and 2019 and 26-year-old Russian shooting guard Alexey Shved, who has an expiring $3.3 million contract. The Knicks do not plan on waiving Shved.

So the Knicks were pretty quiet at the trade deadline, only trading fan favorite Pablo Prigioni for relative unknown Alexey Shved.  Admittedly I did not know much about Shved, but considering he had a foreign name, I figured his girlfriend would be a foreign hottie.  Turns out my instincts were right, as you can see above.  She has that Russian stare that could melt Siberia, but still raise the Berlin Wall.  Plus those cornrows on #Shvedsanity are incredible.

Anyway, here are five facts about Alexey Shved that I learned from ESPN, Google Images, and Youtube.

 

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1.  He is from Russia, was born in 1988, and wears number 88.  This tells me that Alexey couldn’t understand English when he came over here and they just gave him the number 88 because that is the year of his birthday.  Kind of like if the AIM screen name you wanted was taken, so they just slapped your birth year at the end of your username.  Also, Alexey’s hair game is an 11 out of 10 (1 extra point due to adjusting from the Metric System to the U.S. System).

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2. He played on the Sixers this season, which means he can give us all of their tanking secrets.  This is the best part about Shved, if we are being honest.

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3.  Probably the most underrated part of Shved’s game is that he has 8 arms.  You may think this is illegal, but I checked the whole NBA rule book and there is no mention of any penalty for being a human octopus.  I am not sure how 6 extra arms will effect his ability to play in the triangle, but I believe that Coach Fisher can make it work.

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4. He can ride sharks.  People worry about players being able to handle the media when they come to New York.  But I think Shved can handle a few extra microphones and newspapers if he has already tamed the most dangerous predator in the ocean.  And before you tell me that the shark is clearly a float, I ask you this question: Which would be harder to ride, a real shark or an inflatable shark?  Because I have never seen anyone not named Alexey Shved comfortably ride an inflatable shark in my entire life.  Point, Alexey.

5. He is the worst trick or treater of all-time.  A stapler, a bobblehead, and I think I even saw a tomato in there.  People in Minnesota apparently love picking on big, dumb foreigners.  Shameful.

Bonus Video: Here are some highlights from Alexey’s performance in the NBA Rookie Game. It’s basically impossible to look bad in this game, but he is still probably better than half of the D-League talent on the Knicks anyway.

Bonus Math Equation: I have no idea what this equation means, but I am pretty sure we may have just backed into the weirdest player in the league with this trade.  Plays the same position as George Hill + the downtrodden look of Adam Morrison = Alexey Svhed?

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That chart is just stupid. That is a phenomenal GAME, let alone a quarter. I will go to my grave saying that there is no better feeling than being on fire in basketball. Sure people will bring up a billion other things that can compare (sexual or otherwise). But when you are just feeling it and swish that heat-check shot, which usually will lead to a dumb, giddy laugh. The hoop looks like it’s the size of the Atlantic Ocean and you can hit a shot from wherever you want. That was Klay Thompson in an NBA game. It makes me want to lace’em up and keep shooting til I get that feeling back again. Then I take a look at my gut, and say “I’ll just remember the good ol’ days”.  Keep doing you, Klay. Keep doing you.

And now a hearty tribute to the man who owned the NBA tonight, from my favorite movie villain ever:

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