Posts Tagged ‘candy’

Final Rating: 8.7/10.  If you have watched my reviews, two things have become abundantly clear about me: I love flavored Blue Diamond almonds and I love 90s/2000s hip hop. So this review takes care of both of those. These things taste more like a candy than they do a snack, so keep that in mind if/when you buy them. And Foxy Brown remains incredibly underrated.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 


Final Rating: 1,000,000/10.  It is true what they say.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Just tasting that crispy and chocolate concoction under the thin candy shell made all the grave injustices of the world go away for just one moment.  Thank you M&Ms by admitting you were a bunch of moronothons for getting rid of Crispy M&Ms.  And since I was asked to rank my M&M flavors last week, here is my Top 5 M&M flavors:

Did not make the cut: Mint, Dark Chocolate, Almonds, Birthday Cake, Candy Corn, etc.

5. Crispy: Did I just give these a one million rating and now ranked them only 5?  Sure did.  That’s just how I roll.  I had to prove a point to the pencil-neck geeks at M&M’s that took the crispy flavor off the shelf.  But now it’s back to reality.

4. Peanut Butter: They are a pretty solid candy, but every time I eat them, I think about how much more I wish I was eating Reese’s Pieces.  Is that fair?  No.  But I don’t make the rules in the candy game.  I just follow them to a tee as I hammer through reviews.

3. Milk Chocolate: Timeless and classic.

2. Pretzel: Criminally underrated in the M&M game and the candy game in general.  Doubles as both a candy and a legit snack.  Plus salty and sweet is what’s hot in the streets these days.

1. Peanut: When I was young, Peanut M&Ms were gross.  They seemed like the adult, “healthier” version of M&Ms.  But you really respect the punch that a peanut can pack as you get older.  And there are a bunch of different ways to eat Peanut M&Ms.  Eat the candy, save the peanut.  Suck it down to the peanut.  Split the peanut in half.  The possibilities are endless.

 

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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Rating: 8.6/10.  Not as tasty or soft as Orange, but still pretty damn good.  I still don’t understand why grape is such a great candy flavor.  Actually, any grape candy should just be called purple.  Purple is a great candy flavor.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

 

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I can’t lie, the marketing department at Skittles suckered me in with their Darkside flavors.  If you want to be a bad boy, you have to eat Darkside Skittles.  There is just no two ways about it.  Anyway, here are the flavor reviews:

Pomegranate

Rating: 3.8/10.  If Skittles came out with cough medicine, this flavor would fit right in.  But alas, it doesn’t.  Also, I hate how everyone says they love pomegranate just because it is a trendy fruit.  If Pomegranate was always grown in the good ol’ US of A instead of “exotic” China, we wouldn’t even feed it to our pets.  Just a terrible fruit.

Midnight Lime

Rating: 7.8/10.  Lime isn’t the best flavor in the world, but it beats the hell out of green apple.  When lime was in the package, you could eat a few Skittles at once and have a nice medley of flavors.  Now if you do that, you have green apple dominate your taste buds.  Going from lime to green apple is like when the Bills went from Doug Flutie to Rob Johnson.  Johnson was the bigger name, but Flutie was the scrapper that made everything somehow work.

Dark Berry

Rating: 6.2/10.  Meh as meh can be.  

Blood Orange

Rating: 8.4/10.  Did Skittles take regular orange and just dye it to be a little red?  Probably.  Can my small brain figure out that this is all a marketing ploy?  Probably not.

Forbidden Fruit

Rating: 7.2/10.  If something is forbidden, it should be incredible.  We all know what the forbidden fruit was in the Garden of Eden.  This was not as good as that forbidden fruit.  

Overall Pack Rating: 6.7/10.  Basically crap.  Back to the drawing board, John Skittles (who Skittles are named after)*.

*Not true (probably) 

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Citrus Slush

Rating: 7.75/10. Not 100% orange flavor, but still mostly orange.  You can live with this being the low flavor on the totem pole.

Blue Raspberry Rush

Rating: 5.75/10. Blue raspberry is the most overrated flavor in the history of flavors, with green apple finishing a close 2nd.  This flavor throws off the entire chemistry of the pack.  It is the opposite of the rug that ties the room together in The Big Lebowski. 

Strawberry Lemonade Chill

Rating: 8.8/10. Full disclosure: I love the living shit out of strawberry lemonade drinks.  If it is on a menu at a restaurant, it is going down my gullet.  Starburst nailed the flavor, too.  Good work, faceless flavor scientist being paid to give America diabetes.

Cherry Splash

Rating: 9.2/10. I constantly waver between Strawberry and Cherry for what the best Starburst flavor is.  Strawberry is more subtle and tasty, while cherry brings the heat.  So the Starburst people go by the tried and true Keep It Simple Stupid mantra here.  So Cherry splash tastes like a regular cherry Starburst with a little extra flavor (like Santa Coke, which I am convinced has extra syrup compared to regular Coke).

Overall Pack

Rating: 7.9/10.  Admittedly, the blue raspberry flavor just completely sidetracks the entire pack.  But as every person that found their way to this blog knows, your grades suffer when you get a D.  Poor form, Starburst.

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The Clem Report's Birthday Cake M&Ms review #candy

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We will keep this one short and sweet (pun not even slightly intended).  When you bite into the Birthday Cake M&M, you taste a hint of a chemical made to taste like birthday cake.  Once that disappears, you get just a regular, gross chemical taste.  After that disappears, you taste a chocolate M&M.  5.2 of the points in this review were due to the chocolate M&M taste at the end.  Terrible.

Rating: 5.4/10