Posts Tagged ‘chow time’

15 Second Review: Fenway Franks From The Grocery Store

Posted: March 31, 2015 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food, Food Reviews
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Final Rating: 8.7/10.  As a Mets fan, I have no beef with Red Sox fans.  We have a common enemy in Yankees fans and there is really no overlay.  Plus, one of the greatest moments in Mets history is an all-time testicle kick (the 1986 World Series).  This goes double for the Patriots and their fans.  Anyway, Red Sox fans have a deep love for the Fenway Franks.  I enjoyed them when I went to Fenway in 2005, but I never thought in a million years I would see them in a grocery store in suburban New York.  

The Fenway Franks are more Ballpark frank than Nathan’s, Sabrett, or Hebrew National.  A good amount of flavor and a compact dog.  Thank GOD that grilling season has started again, which is officially anytime after St. Patty’s Day in the Clem household.  It also means you cannot wear a winter jacket again until November.  But that’s the responsibility that comes with the honor of grilling.  Screw the Yankees, Lets Go Mets (and Red Sox too, especially times where it will piss off Yankees fans).  And for the record, I am pretty sure that Fenway Franks were better than Dodger Dogs.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

15 Second Review: Cheetos Sweetos

Posted: March 10, 2015 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food, Food Reviews, Uncategorized
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Final Rating: 9.4/10.  Wow.  Just wow.  A puffy, kind of buttery churro. I had the 100 emoji up because I really felt they were a 100/10. But since this was the best food I have reviewed so far, I had to make it fit in the scale of 10. So I deducted 0.6 from Sweetos because sometimes the butter taste is a little strong. But other than that, pure binge junk food perfection.  Hats off, Chester Cheetah.  You done did it again! Get these right meow before they take them off the shelves.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

15 Second Review: Lunchables S’mores Dippers

Posted: February 27, 2015 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food, Food Reviews
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Final Rating: 7.1/10.  S’mores are 2 things:

1. Awesomely American.

2. The epitome of a hit or miss dessert.

I have made a few s’mores the last couple of years, and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if you pull off a great s’more, it may be the king of desserts.  But the odds of doing that are slim to none.  They either get too messy, the mallow doesn’t come out right, or everything falls apart.  It was a decent try by Lunchables, but it is impossible to replace how great a roasted mallow tastes or a freshly broken Hershey bar.  And graham crackers are probably the most underrated food in the history of the world.  I am never in the mood for a graham cracker, but can easily finish a brick of them if I just have one.  A for effort, D for execution, Lunchables (I think a 71 is a D, right?).

And if these are actually considered lunch food for kids now, the diabetes numbers of today will be child’s play to what they are in 10 years.

 

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

15 Second Review: Oreo Jell-O Pudding

Posted: February 24, 2015 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food, Food Reviews
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Final Rating: 6.4/10.  This tastes nothing like an Oreo.  It’s just vanilla and chocolate pudding in a cup.  While I don’t hate that combination, you don’t lead people to believe that you are going to have that glorious taste of Oreo creme in the pudding cup.  The Oreo cookie (especially the creme part) is an American treasure.  Don’t you dare disgrace it, Jell-O.  Straight up communist shit right there.

Bill Cosby Impersonation Rating: 3/10.  I have learned that the camera adds (at least) 15 pounds and completely ruins all of my celebrity impressions.  Though to be fair, I don’t think I have ever tried to impersonate Bill Cosby until this video.  Big mistake.  Anyway, here is a Bill Cosby Gelatin Pop commercial that comes across much differently now than it did back then.  What exactly WAS he doing with his other hand during filming?  I don’t think we want to know.

 

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

15 Second Food Review: Dunkin’ Donuts Croissant Donut

Posted: December 12, 2014 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food, Food Reviews
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You have to give it to Dunkin’ Donuts.  It only took them a year and a half to come out with an imitation Cronut.  Being the tireless blogger that I am, I have decided to add another chin to my resume’ in order to try out this “new” creation.  Two things you should know about the Croissant Donut:

1. It was $2.50.  Regular donuts at Double D’s are $0.99.  So I thought my reaction was pretty fair:

2. It came in a fancy box.  Once I paid the small fortune for the donut, I was happily surprised to see that my money went to good use.  This donut is apparently bougie as hell.

On to the review.

 

Review: The dirty secret about Dunkin’ Donuts is that they aren’t actually very good at making donuts.  Give me Entenmann’s, Krispy Kreme, or almost anyone else’s donuts over DD’s.  That being said, this is a legit donut.  It tastes like a thicker Krispy Kreme donut, which is definitely a good thing.  Dunkin’ Donuts trying to get all fancy is like the kid from the wrong side of the tracks trying to impress the uptown girl.  It may be lipstick on a pig, but it works.

Rating: 8.5/10.

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15 Second Food Review: Skittles Dark Side Review

Posted: November 21, 2014 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food
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I can’t lie, the marketing department at Skittles suckered me in with their Darkside flavors.  If you want to be a bad boy, you have to eat Darkside Skittles.  There is just no two ways about it.  Anyway, here are the flavor reviews:

Pomegranate

Rating: 3.8/10.  If Skittles came out with cough medicine, this flavor would fit right in.  But alas, it doesn’t.  Also, I hate how everyone says they love pomegranate just because it is a trendy fruit.  If Pomegranate was always grown in the good ol’ US of A instead of “exotic” China, we wouldn’t even feed it to our pets.  Just a terrible fruit.

Midnight Lime

Rating: 7.8/10.  Lime isn’t the best flavor in the world, but it beats the hell out of green apple.  When lime was in the package, you could eat a few Skittles at once and have a nice medley of flavors.  Now if you do that, you have green apple dominate your taste buds.  Going from lime to green apple is like when the Bills went from Doug Flutie to Rob Johnson.  Johnson was the bigger name, but Flutie was the scrapper that made everything somehow work.

Dark Berry

Rating: 6.2/10.  Meh as meh can be.  

Blood Orange

Rating: 8.4/10.  Did Skittles take regular orange and just dye it to be a little red?  Probably.  Can my small brain figure out that this is all a marketing ploy?  Probably not.

Forbidden Fruit

Rating: 7.2/10.  If something is forbidden, it should be incredible.  We all know what the forbidden fruit was in the Garden of Eden.  This was not as good as that forbidden fruit.  

Overall Pack Rating: 6.7/10.  Basically crap.  Back to the drawing board, John Skittles (who Skittles are named after)*.

*Not true (probably) 

15 Second Food Review: The Clem Report Reviews Saratoga Chips (And It Gets Weird)

Posted: October 20, 2014 in 15 second review, Uncategorized
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Rating: 9.0/10: It is pretty hard to mess up kettle cooked potato chips in my eyes, as they are the kings of the potato chip family.  This chip has a solid crunch and isn’t too salty.  Cape Cod chips are still my #1, but Saratoga did a prettyyyyyy, prettyyyyyy, pretyyyyyyy good job with their chip.  They also have a dark russet chip which I have to try, as Cape Cod has apparently discontinued their take on the classic flavor.  That makes me 😦

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15 Second Food Review: Trolli Sour Watermelon Sharks Review

Posted: October 13, 2014 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food, Food Reviews
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Rating: 8/10.  The best part of the candy is the texture.  It is the perfect mix of chewy and firm.  The sharks are also not sour and have a more subtle taste than most watermelon candies.  However, don’t get it twisted.  Sour Patch Watermelons are still the king of the watermelon candy game.  And maybe the king of all fruit candy (yeah, I said it).

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15 Second Food Review: Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups Review

Posted: September 23, 2014 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food, Food Reviews
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Seeing these little gems intrigued the daylights out of me.  But like Omar says in The Wire, “If you come at the king, you best not miss”.  And make no mistake about it, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the king of the peanut butter cup, chocolate, and perhaps entire candy kingdom.

The Butterfinger cups have a smooth Butterfinger-flavored peanut butter with little pieces of actual Butterfinger inside.  They are tasty enough, but nothing great.

Rating: 7.4/10.  Just putting peanut butter and chocolate together gets you a 6.0, so a 7.4 is nothing to be proud of, Butterfinger.  But at least I am not picking this shit out of my teeth for hours on end. #progress

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15 Second Food Review: Stride Sour Patch Kids Redberry Gum Review

Posted: September 11, 2014 in 15 second review, Chow Time, Food
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Wow.  This gum actually tastes identical to the red Sour Patch Kid.  Whatever nerdy flavor scientist concocted such a tasty treat should be getting a call from Willy Wonka any day now.  That being said, the gum gets an 8.9 because you do get sick of the flavor pretty quickly.  Before I became a coffee addict drinker, chewing gum was the thing that got me through my cubicle hours.  I couldn’t imagine binging on a pack of Redberry Stride during my 9-5 death sentence.

Also, look at the artwork they put inside of the pack.  Stride must have had some hippies put in overtime work at the Stride headquarters after dropping acid.

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Rating: 8.9/10.  Not really slimy but definitely satisfying. So sue me if I love The Lion King and Hakuna Matata is my life’s motto (or at least it should be).

P.S. I would like to thank my co-star (the badass movie villain goatee I grew for my wife) for participating in the review as well.  Sorry ladies the goatee and I are spoken for.

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