The SNL “Say What You Want To Say” Commercial Skit Was Dead On Balls Accurate

 

Nailed it.  I think I have been in every one of those scenarios.  Not wanting to hang out with certain co-workers outside of the cubes or being stuck with the person that shorts the restaurant bill every damn time.  And the toilet scene is a dagger to the heart of any cube monkey. I recently got a job where I work from home. And other than having to commute exactly 0 minutes a day, being able to poop in the privacy of my own bathroom is easily the best part of the “work from home” life.

The only problem with this video is that I have ‘Nam-like flashbacks of that commercial being beaten into my brain every NFL Sunday for 20+ weeks. And anytime you bring up commercials that were beaten to death during NFL season, you leave the gate open for this song to re-enter your life.

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Is AMC’s Commercial For Groundhog Day The Best Commercial Ever?

Yes.  Yes it is.  I can’t wait to see all my old buddy Ned Ryerson again.  Needlenose Ned.  Ned The Head.  It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  Actually early February after the Super Bowl is quite literally the worst time of the year.  But this glorious movie at least lets us forget our problems for 101 fantastic minutes. God bless Bill Murray and Harold Ramis.

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Remember The Time I Anointed The Glade “Let It Shine” Song As The Holiday Jam Of The Year And Then Dominated My Own Rendition Of It? Oh Yeah, That Was Yesterday

If you don’t think that the “Let It Shine, Shine, Shiiiiiiiine” song in the Glade commercial was the Best New Holiday Song of 2014, you are insane.  And if you don’t think my rendition of it at least gets me a Mark Ronson song, if not an actual record deal, you are batshit crazy. Pipes like you read about.

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I Hate Myself For How Much I Like The Derek Jeter Gatorade Commercial

I have to admit that the ad agencies in charge of Derek Jeter’s farewell money grab tour have been killing it the last few months.  The #Re2pect commercial went viral and even the biggest Yankees hater had to tip his cap to the (likely sleazy) marketing group that put it all together.  Even as someone who has rooted against Derek Jeter for his entire adult life, it was hard to not get goosebumps on my goosebumps.  Visiting Stan’s was an especially nice touch.  I have always been jealous of the Yankees having an actual fun environment outside their stadium, instead of the vast Flushing wasteland the Mets play in.

If David Wright had a Gatorade commercial, he would be pushed around the 7 train by Asians, mugged at one of the chop shops, have his entire farewell speech drowned out by a plane flying overhead, get hit by a pitch, and have the Mets lose a crucial September game (if they were still in the race).  God I hate baseball (and baseball apparently hates me).

P.S. The most believable part of this commercial is Jeter not knowing how to use a smartphone, right?  He probably is like a drug kingpin that hasn’t touched a cell phone since 1996.  That’s what your entourage is for.  They will keep Minka hanging on your every text while setting up a quick session with Hannah Davis.  Derek Jeter: The modern day Frank Sinatra (without the unwanted publicity and mob connections.  I think).

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Marshawn Lynch Turning His Super Bowl Ring Into A Pinky Ring Is A Pure, Uncut Beast Mode Move

You may not have noticed it during the first 500,000 viewings of the Xbox One NFL commercial, but it looks like Marshawn Lynch decided to turn his Super Bowl ring a pinky ring.  This is just a reminder that Marshawn Lynch is a complete space cadet and should be cherished as long as he is around.

I don’t think I properly appreciated Manny Ramirez when he was in his “I am super crazy and super talented so I can now do weird shit and get away with it” phase.  And this is coming from a guy who has the Johnny Damon cutoff in his Top 10 favorite baseball plays ever.  The pinky ring statement is ever so subtle but still 100% pimp.

TL; DR- Marshawn is just about that pinky ring, boss.

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The Manning Brothers Are Doing It Again. And By “It” I Mean Making Platinum Records

Name the last hip hop combo that dropped fire like this.  Kanye and Jigga? Pac and Dre?  Biggie and Puffy (where B.I.G. ghostwrites the entire song)?  This duo drops one song per year and it scorches the entire Earth.  Damn it feels good to have your team quarterbacked by a gangsta.  I need multiple tattoo tears on Eli’s babyface ASAP, though.  The Louisiana rap game is back in full force.  Next up is a Manning Hip Hop Camp.  A few other thoughts:

Toyota Releases Swagger Wagon Commercial. Hip Hop Officially Declared Dead Shortly Thereafter

Peyton Manning killed the cool white person movement last week.  Now Toyota has killed hip hop altogether.  White people just can’t have nice things for this reason.  God dammit.

Regardless, #MotherFathers will be trending by the time this blog goes up.

PS- Busta Ryhymes is not without blame for this monstrosity.  Then again, he probably got paid a small fortune to spit a few bars.  Don’t hate the player, hate the (now deceased) game.  Also, Busta Rhymes is 42 years old.  I wanted to go and hide in a corner after finding that out on Google.

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I’m Not Crying At TD Bank’s Thank You Commercial, You’re Crying!

<sniff, sniff>.  Sorry, the ending really got to me.  If the extended hours and endless supply of free pens didn’t make you a TD Bank customer, this commercial just might.  I have been with the bank since they were Commerce and I am still waiting for my free trip to Disney or a bouquet of roses.  But nonetheless, awesome work on this commercial.  Can the Mets hire TDBank’s PR guy immediately?  They can definitely use the help.

PS- Giving this long-time customer a free jersey, free tickets, and a chance to throw out the first pitch for his favorite team?  AMAZING.  But that free jersey being the same number as the biggest star on the team, yet with the customer’s last name on it instead?  Definitely less amazing (sorry, I had to call a spade a spade).

 

PSS- Other than the awesome giveaways, I think my favorite Thank You surprise would have been the Mariachi band.  Even when I was at my lowest point as a subway straphanger, the Mariachi could always make me smile.  Which is basically the hardest thing to do to a New Yorker whose heart has been eaten up and spit out by the big city.  Wait, what?

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I Think The Derek Jeter Re2pect Commercial May Be The Best Commercial Of All-Time

I may hate the Yankees and their fans, but if you don’t respect Derek Jeter, you must have some personal issues you need to work out (or your sister has come home with one of his gift baskets).  Funny, emotional, star-studded.  I actually got chills from this commercial and all Jeter has done is break my heart the last 20 years as a Mets fan/Yankees hater.

h/t Ballow for the link

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Classic Youtube Tuesday: Three Funny And Adorable Trigon Kid Commercials

“You know what he did?!?! He kicked him in the penis. He was injured. Injured bad”. Gets me every time.

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