Posts Tagged ‘espn’

I watched that video three times trying to figure out what the hell Jeremy Fowler meant by the Browns having rubber duckies at quarterback, and it still doesn’t make sense.  But regardless, Fowler seemed proud as a peacock about that analogy.  However, a tip from Twitter telling me that maybe Fowler was referring to the Urban Dictionary definition of a rubber ducky.

duck

As it turns out, the Browns HAVE had rubber duckies at quarterback for years.  Great job by Jeremy Fowler and the Worldwide Leader for finally getting weird like the rest of us.

 

http://player.theplatform.com/p/BxmELC/gc_embedplayer/select/cN2U3LEUn_i_?&parentUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.golfchannel.com%2Fmedia%2Ftim-tebow-crushes-driver-343-yards%2F&params=mbr%3Dtrue%26zone%3Dmedia_morningdrive&originalReferrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.golfchannel.com%2F#playerurl=http%3A//www.golfchannel.com/media/tim-tebow-crushes-driver-343-yards/

via Golf Digest

 

Tim Tebow is such a stud. How are we letting America’s National Treasure go to waste on college football broadcasts and random oddball appearances for golf magazines? I mean guess I understand why no NFL team gives him a shot.  If you sign him as a backup, all the Tebow Truthers go crazy until he becomes the starter.  And ESPN covers the teams every goddamn move just because of his name.

But can we get this guy work doing something other than hammering long drives on a golf simulator?  If the U.S. government came to Tebow and offered to make him a real life Captain America, could he possibly say no?  I know there is no other person in the world that I would want as a superhuman creation defending the stars and stripes than Timothy Richard Tebow.

If he was able to stay a virgin during his time at Florida (a HUGE if), he simply cannot be cracked. And those ISIS assholes would have to think twice about killing innocent people from their sandcastles if Captain Tebow was a real thing.  We can put people on Mars, but making Tim Tebow a real life superhero is a stretch?  Get it done, Obama. What are my taxes paying for anyway?

 

h/t Ballow for the link

http://player.espn.com/player.js?playerBrandingId=4ef8000cbaf34c1687a7d9a26fe0e89e&adSetCode=91cDU6NuXTGKz3OdjOxFdAgJVtQcKJnI&pcode=1kNG061cgaoolOncv54OAO1ceO-I&width=576&height=324&externalId=espn:12383260&thruParam_espn-uiautoPlay=false&thruParam_espn-uiplayRelatedExternally=true

 

Wow wow wow wow wow. The music, the intense Harvey stare, the promise of weather above 10 degrees. This video has it all. I am laying next to a pile of “happy tissues” at my house after watching that. And the best part about all of it is that Harvey Day will be back in our lives once every five days. Glorious. Simply glorious.    

https://vine.co/v/O2iQbrIpHBw/embed/postcard

 

P.S. Derek Jeter comes off as such a villain in this trailer. The good-looking, well dressed rich guy with the life that is too good to be true. Similar to Harvey Dent, except Maggie Gylenhaal looks closer to me than she does Hannah Davis.

jete

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That chart is just stupid. That is a phenomenal GAME, let alone a quarter. I will go to my grave saying that there is no better feeling than being on fire in basketball. Sure people will bring up a billion other things that can compare (sexual or otherwise). But when you are just feeling it and swish that heat-check shot, which usually will lead to a dumb, giddy laugh. The hoop looks like it’s the size of the Atlantic Ocean and you can hit a shot from wherever you want. That was Klay Thompson in an NBA game. It makes me want to lace’em up and keep shooting til I get that feeling back again. Then I take a look at my gut, and say “I’ll just remember the good ol’ days”.  Keep doing you, Klay. Keep doing you.

And now a hearty tribute to the man who owned the NBA tonight, from my favorite movie villain ever:

https://vine.co/v/OI9rAYvzP6K/embed/postcard//platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

When I closed my eyes, I could have sworn that Christopher Wallace was spitting hot fire again.  Nope, just a 70+ year old Cuban immigrant on a sparsely watched ESPN show.  However, I can’t lie, I was pretty disappointed when I realized Papi wasn’t going to rap any Bone Thugs lines.  I have listened to “Notorious Thugs” roughly 10,000 times and I still just grunt noises whenever the Bone Thugs parts come on.  Being disappointed that Dan Le Batard’s dad didn’t break down the lyrics to a timeless hip hop classic is #WhitePeopleProblems like you read about.

Say what you want about Michael Kay, but he is an annoying moron that isn’t even a pimple on Mike Francesa’s fanny. Kay can tell you how many gray hairs Derek Jeter has on his face, but he can’t recognize the voice of the guy who hands him his lunch every day in the ratings? What an uttuh, uttuh disastuh *handwave*.  You come at Numbah One, you best not miss.

Your “soon to be” new ESPN.com 😦
ESPN-peek

New and Old Mobile Design

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Apparently someone at ESPN has a fever and the only prescription is more white space.  And Heaven to Betsy is it ugly.  It’s like they are opening the current ESPN.com site in Safe Mode.  ESPN pulled a similar stunt with Scorecenter SportsCenter, which may have (or definitely) lead to me using Yahoo Sports as my scores app.

So instead of having to use the abortion of a site above, I have decided to slightly modify the current page.  More scores, more fantasy and more stories relating to actual sports (the sports that people care about, that is).  Meanwhile there will be less X Games (as in none), less espnW (as in none), and less repetitive bullshit (as in 90% of what ESPN does when a big story breaks).

*Click to enlarge unless you want your eyes to explode from squinting.screencapture-espn-go-com

TL;DR. The ESPN.com redesign looks great…

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It’s not just my TV, right?  Great job ESPN!  That being said, Ray Ray is still lightyears ahead of The Emmitt Smith Experiment.

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NY Daily News-  An ESPN anchor has filed suit against an upstate hockey arena after a promotional appearance there went bad.

“Listen Closely” host Linda Cohn — a former goalie at SUNY Oswego — was at the Brewster Ice Arena in March to face off against the AHL’s Hartford Wolf Pack when she says she suffered “severe and disabling injuries” in what the team described as a “freak accident.”

The accident took place off ice, when “a heavy, large coin change machine fell upon her,” her Manhattan federal court suit says.

In a post on her Whosay.com page in March, she said “some kids paying in (the) arcade” were responsible” for the crash, which left her with a gash in her arm that required 25 stitches to close.

The Hartford Courant reported at the time that Cohn, 54, was confident she’d be back on the ice quickly.

First of all, I take great offense to the Daily News calling Brewster “upstate”.  As a resident of a nearby town, I don’t get down with the upstate moniker.  Dutchess County is the border for upstate.  Brewster is basically Westchester County, which is the county that Yonkers is in.

Okay, now that the geography lesson is over, let’s talk about Linda Cohn.  How do you get into a situation where a large coin machine can cut you?  Was she trying to get some quarters to try her hand at Ms. Pac-Man?  If so, I can’t blame her.  The rush I get from a good Ms. Pac-Man game is probably the same rush that Danny Ocean got from knocking over Terry Benedict’s casinos.  But that being said, a coin machine is one of the most ludicrous things in the world that can injure you.

And what exactly is a “disabling” injury for a SportsCenter anchor?  You sit behind a desk all day and throw it to clueless ex-players and rambling columnists.  A disabling injury would be growing a brain and realizing you are above the drivel that is ESPN’s flagship show.  Hating on ESPN is cliche now, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun.

However, I will say this.  Linda Cohn is still bringing the HEAT after all these years.  Horseface killah?  Sure.  But she is still as sexy as she ever was, especially with those F ME boots.  Linda Cohn was always kind of an acquired taste.  She had her good days and her bad days.  But to still throw in the mid-80s at the age of 54 is impressive, no matter who you are.

PS- Being a goalie and a sports anchor means Linda Cohn is one of the coolest chicks of all-time, right?  I would rather hang out with her more than some of my guy friends, and that has nothing to do with her ageless body.  I didn’t think I would fall in love with Linda Cohn when I woke up this morning.  But that’s the way love goes (that’s a Janet Jackson line).

h/t Ding

EliNY

There are only a few rules in life that you have to remember.

  1. You do not talk about Fight Club
  2. You DO NOT TALK about Fight Club
  3. When someone asks if you’re a God, you say “Yes”
  4. When one of your favorite players/teams is in a SportsNation poll, you vote in favor of the player/team every single time.

Do I think Eli can POSSIBLY throw 70%?  Sure, even thought it’s only a remote chance.  But if by some miracle Eli can pick up Ben McAdoo’s quick-hitting West Coast offense, there is a chance his numbers improve a la 2013 PHILLIP RIVERSSSSSS.

But that isn’t the point here.  My responsibility as a Giants fan is to vote Yes to this and thumb my nose at every other NFL fan base in the country.  Eli may be a goofy, turnover prone quarterback.  But he is OUR goofy, turnover prone quarterback.  I realize that some of the 271 votes come from New Yorkers that aren’t Giants fans.  But I also realize that some Giants fans forgot their duty as a sports fan.  And that duty is to constantly defend Eli by pointing out his two Super Bowl MVPs, sit back, and act like watching him quarterback your team doesn’t feel the same as a passenger in a car being driven by Helen Keller.

By the way, I understand that Louisiana is Eli’s home state and they will stuff the ballot box for him.  But how in the world did Eli get that much support in Oregon, North Dakota, Maine and Kansas?  Do these states only watch the NFL during the playoffs?  As much as I love the guy, there is no other reasonable explanation for these results.

h/t Greg T.D. for the link