Posts Tagged ‘first pitch’

OK, I have had enough of this malarky.  It was funny when elected officials with noodle arms and no athletic skill threw out a bad first pitch.  Even the occasional 50 Cent or Carl Lewis blooper got a chuckle.  But now we are just shitting all over our national past time.  Did Miss Texas have a problem finding an American flag to burn as she threw out the pitch?  Shameful.

As far as I am concerned, we should kick Texas out of the Union for this.  They have always wanted to be their own country, anyway.  This was the final straw.  Tax the living shit out of the Cowboys and Longhorns when they want to play a football game against American teams. Win/win.

Also, what happened to beauty queens besmirching their states and family names with sex scandals?  I miss the good old days.  Now I have to give the Ceremonial First Pitch the Oregon Trail treatment.ore

No matter what you think of the Dubya or the Yankees, this is the best first pitch ever. I am going to petition future MLB commissioner Rob Manfred to right the wrongs of his predecessors by creating a rule that all stadiums must show the George W. Bush first pitch before every baseball game. This way, the terrorists (both local* and abroad) lose.
*Yes, I just called Miss Texas a terrorist. I stand by that statement 100%

If that doesn’t work, we can all agree that Plan B should be showing Chrissy Teigen’s first pitch before every game, right?  Sexy, fun, and a legit throw.  Just the way our forefathers would have wanted it.

Not sure if anything else really needs to be said about this.  50 Cent with the worst first pitch in modern history throwing to Vlady, whose strike zone went from his toes to his nose.  Not wearing batting gloves made Vlady 1000000% cooler than he would have been, even though he was already the coolest player in baseball back then.  Loved that dude.

Also, lets not forget Guerrerro had an absolute CANNON of an arm.