Posts Tagged ‘florida’

As Dr. Ian Malcolm said back in 1993, “Life, uh, finds a way”.  And that video is basically the real-life version of raptors learning how to turn door knobs in Jurassic Park. So if you are in Florida, you better ask your parole officer (I imagine every single Florida resident is born with a parole officer) if you can flee the state in self defense.  Because if you don’t, it is only a matter of time until you are gator bait, starting with the redneck that called an alligator that learned how to climb a fence a retard. He was already probably the first casualty of the rise of the alligators.

Also, two quick questions:

1. If Florida just becomes a state that has nothing but alligators and human remains, can we consider that a win for the world?

2. Can JPP just say that he lost his finger due to some fence jumping alligator biting him instead of handling fireworks like a jackhole?

The people at Daily Snark did one of those “if players returned home like LeBron, what would those teams look like” things for NFL players.  To no one’s surprise, Texas, Florida, and California laid the smack down on any the other states out there.

I think this comes down to Texas vs. Florida.  Texas has a million pro quarterbacks, but Florida has some serious depth on the defensive side of the ball.  If you put a gun to my head and asked me to choose, I think I would pick Texas due to the super-duperstars on the roster  Florida is a little older and doesn’t have the same weapons at every position.  But then I would call the cops, since you put a gun to my head.  The rest of the hypothetical rosters below (and I’m not sure why guys like Antonio Brown and Troy Polamalu appear on multiple lists).

Texas

Texas-copynew (more…)