Posts Tagged ‘food review’

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Even though I am a junk food connoisseur, sometimes legendary foods can fly under even my radar.  Boulder Canyon Natural Foods recently released Thanksgiving flavored kettle cooked potato chips and I was none the wiser.  Luckily Sean from The Sean And Bo Show was kind enough to tip me off about these glorious flavors and sent me bags of each flavor.  As you guys know, I have gone on the Sean And Bo Show a couple of times to talk about sports and the such.  They are definitely worth a listen if you want to get a funny take about what is going on in the sports world.  Check out their podcast over the Thanksgiving break by clicking here.

Anyway, I am going to review these chips as I have done with all my other reviews.  You will see that I am wearing a Barry Sanders jersey, as is my Thanksgiving tradition.  In related news, if you don’t wear a Barry Sanders Lions jersey on Thanksgiving, you are a communist.  Anyway, on to the reviews, you communist bastard.

Cranberry

Rating:  6.2/10.  In full disclosure, I do not like cranberries.  I don’t like them as a berry, as a sauce, or as a juice (what are you, on your period?).  Anyway, the chips didn’t really have a strong cranberry taste.  Just kind of a subtle, sweet flavor.  However, the band The Cranberries are incredible.  I wanted to go with “Zombie” for this review, but that seemed more Halloween-ish than Thanksgiving-ish.  “Dreams” is my 2nd favorite Cranberries song, but I didn’t think it had enough appeal.  Okay, I’m rambling.

 

Stuffing

Rating:  9.2/10.  A quick rant here.  Stuffing is the best side dish on Thanksgiving.  Mashed potatoes are great, but that’s more of an all-year-round side.  Yams, corn, sweet potatoes, etc. cannot even DREAM of being on the same level as stuffing.  <End of rant>.  They nailed the multifaceted taste of stuffing in these chips and I am now fiending the living daylights for homemade stuffing.  Fantastic work, Boulder Canyon.

 

Turkey & Gravy

Rating:  8.4/10.  Turkey and gravy is like the quarterback and head coach for an NFL team.  If they are bad, your team/meal cannot be anything better than average.  But if they are good-to-great, all the other pieces fall into place perfectly.  This chip flavor falls in the good range.

Pumpkin Pie

Rating:  6.7/10.  <Rant #2>  I dislike pumpkin flavored items.  If pumpkins tasted so good, we would eat pumpkins.  We wouldn’t process it and load it up with sugar/seasoning/etc.  This latest pumpkin trend is out of control.  It is a disgrace to America that apple is not the official and unofficial flavor of fall <End of rant #2>.  Anyway, this “pumpkin” pie chip was pretty good.  Better than the cranberry chip, but still pretty weak.  To this day, I will ask for a slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream, eat the whipped cream, and throw the piece of pie away untouched.  I have that much disrespect for pumpkin flavoring.

Again, I’d like to thank the Sean And Bo Show for sending along these tasty treats.  Make sure to follow them on Twitter by clicking the button below.

 

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Rating: 7.2/10.  You can kinda taste the nacho cheese flavor, but you still need more.  The Doritos Locos Tacos at Taco Bell give you plenty of flavor but also loads your fingers up with cheese dust.  The Old El Paso taco shells don’t mess up your fingers, but they just aren’t cheesy enough.  When you add in that these shells taste like Bravos (AKA welfare Doritos), I had to give them a barely passing grade.  

However, these shells and Old El Paso in general gets extra credit for inventing the Stand ‘n Stuff Shells a few years ago.  We put a man on the moon before we had taco shells that were (relatively) easy to fill.  That being said, the shells need to be wider so they don’t break.  I had 4 broken shells when I opened the package.  An uttah, uttah disgrace (Mike Francesa voice).  Long story short, the king (Doritos Locos Tacos) stay the king.  

Would I spend a couple extra pennies to get the cheese shells?  Yes.  They aren’t great, but they are better than plain corn shells.

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I can’t lie, the marketing department at Skittles suckered me in with their Darkside flavors.  If you want to be a bad boy, you have to eat Darkside Skittles.  There is just no two ways about it.  Anyway, here are the flavor reviews:

Pomegranate

Rating: 3.8/10.  If Skittles came out with cough medicine, this flavor would fit right in.  But alas, it doesn’t.  Also, I hate how everyone says they love pomegranate just because it is a trendy fruit.  If Pomegranate was always grown in the good ol’ US of A instead of “exotic” China, we wouldn’t even feed it to our pets.  Just a terrible fruit.

Midnight Lime

Rating: 7.8/10.  Lime isn’t the best flavor in the world, but it beats the hell out of green apple.  When lime was in the package, you could eat a few Skittles at once and have a nice medley of flavors.  Now if you do that, you have green apple dominate your taste buds.  Going from lime to green apple is like when the Bills went from Doug Flutie to Rob Johnson.  Johnson was the bigger name, but Flutie was the scrapper that made everything somehow work.

Dark Berry

Rating: 6.2/10.  Meh as meh can be.  

Blood Orange

Rating: 8.4/10.  Did Skittles take regular orange and just dye it to be a little red?  Probably.  Can my small brain figure out that this is all a marketing ploy?  Probably not.

Forbidden Fruit

Rating: 7.2/10.  If something is forbidden, it should be incredible.  We all know what the forbidden fruit was in the Garden of Eden.  This was not as good as that forbidden fruit.  

Overall Pack Rating: 6.7/10.  Basically crap.  Back to the drawing board, John Skittles (who Skittles are named after)*.

*Not true (probably) 

Rating: 9.0/10: It is pretty hard to mess up kettle cooked potato chips in my eyes, as they are the kings of the potato chip family.  This chip has a solid crunch and isn’t too salty.  Cape Cod chips are still my #1, but Saratoga did a prettyyyyyy, prettyyyyyy, pretyyyyyyy good job with their chip.  They also have a dark russet chip which I have to try, as Cape Cod has apparently discontinued their take on the classic flavor.  That makes me 😦

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Rating: 8/10.  The best part of the candy is the texture.  It is the perfect mix of chewy and firm.  The sharks are also not sour and have a more subtle taste than most watermelon candies.  However, don’t get it twisted.  Sour Patch Watermelons are still the king of the watermelon candy game.  And maybe the king of all fruit candy (yeah, I said it).

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Citrus Slush

Rating: 7.75/10. Not 100% orange flavor, but still mostly orange.  You can live with this being the low flavor on the totem pole.

Blue Raspberry Rush

Rating: 5.75/10. Blue raspberry is the most overrated flavor in the history of flavors, with green apple finishing a close 2nd.  This flavor throws off the entire chemistry of the pack.  It is the opposite of the rug that ties the room together in The Big Lebowski. 

Strawberry Lemonade Chill

Rating: 8.8/10. Full disclosure: I love the living shit out of strawberry lemonade drinks.  If it is on a menu at a restaurant, it is going down my gullet.  Starburst nailed the flavor, too.  Good work, faceless flavor scientist being paid to give America diabetes.

Cherry Splash

Rating: 9.2/10. I constantly waver between Strawberry and Cherry for what the best Starburst flavor is.  Strawberry is more subtle and tasty, while cherry brings the heat.  So the Starburst people go by the tried and true Keep It Simple Stupid mantra here.  So Cherry splash tastes like a regular cherry Starburst with a little extra flavor (like Santa Coke, which I am convinced has extra syrup compared to regular Coke).

Overall Pack

Rating: 7.9/10.  Admittedly, the blue raspberry flavor just completely sidetracks the entire pack.  But as every person that found their way to this blog knows, your grades suffer when you get a D.  Poor form, Starburst.

When the F did Oreo release Mega Stuf?  Being a veteran of the junk food game, I know once companies start selling food in small packages, that means they have been out for a little while.  How did I miss one of the biggest moments of the 21st century?  Shamful.  That was the reason for this emergency food review.  A few other thoughts:

1. I have asked for Triple Stuf Oreos ever since the first time I laid my eyes (and tongue) on Double Stufs.  These cookies should be named Triple Stuf, not Mega Stuf.  That is because…

2. Mega Stuf should be one obnoxiously big cookie with so much creme, the surgeon general has to post a warning about diabetes on it.  And when I say “should”, I mean there better be a bunch of cookie scientists literally doing exactly that right now.

3. Did you know that some people like the cookie wafer more than the creme?  Crazy, right?  If the wafer was better, they would sell cookies where you get extra wafers.  Instead they are just stepping up the creme amount to ridiculous heights.  GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Rating: 9.999/10.  I cannot give it a perfect score because it was not absolutely perfect.  But it was as close to perfection as any mortal cookie could get.  Keep adding more Stuf to your cookies, Oreo, and I will keeping adding more 9’s and decimal places.

Seeing these little gems intrigued the daylights out of me.  But like Omar says in The Wire, “If you come at the king, you best not miss”.  And make no mistake about it, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the king of the peanut butter cup, chocolate, and perhaps entire candy kingdom.

The Butterfinger cups have a smooth Butterfinger-flavored peanut butter with little pieces of actual Butterfinger inside.  They are tasty enough, but nothing great.

Rating: 7.4/10.  Just putting peanut butter and chocolate together gets you a 6.0, so a 7.4 is nothing to be proud of, Butterfinger.  But at least I am not picking this shit out of my teeth for hours on end. #progress

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Hot Buffalo Bugles

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Hot Buffalo Bugles review #food #review #clemfoodreport #bugles

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Long story short, these are basically regular Bugles that are spicy but have no real buffalo flavor. Once the spiciness leaves, you can taste a hint of regular Bugles. Nothing special. But don’t get it twisted. Bugles rule.
Rating: 7.3/10

Pringles Tortillas

There is just something about the shape, thickness, and salt on a Pringle that causes you to have the same brain reaction as a crack addict.
Rating: 8/10. Jusssst enough Pringles crack to keep you coming back for more.

The streets are talking and their words have been heard loud and clear at The Clem Report HQ.  The people WANT NEEEEED reviews of the four finalists in the Lay’s “Do Us A Flavor” contest.

The four flavors of chips that will be reviewed are Mango Salsa, Cappuccino, Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese and Wasabi Ginger. Since these flavors are very unique, I will be judging them on how appetizing they are, NOT how much they taste like the flavor they were named after.  Onto the reviews. (more…)