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Final Rating: 6.2/10. Burger King could have gotten away with a below average effort if they just made a Whopper with a black bun. Who doesn’t love food coloring? Green beer on St. Patty’s Day is the tits! But if you are going to load a burger with A1 sauce and say the bun is “infused with A1 sauce”, you need to bring your fastball. And The King didn’t. Be better, Burger King. (PS: That is black bun in my teeth. I promise you my mouth is not rotting, even if I patently refuse to floss)
On a positive note, at least I found out this lovely tidbit after eating the Halloween Whopper. I should be in for a nice treat in a few hours (probably less than that if we are being honest, since it is Burger King after all)
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Final Rating: 10/10. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are my favorite candy. Reese’s peanut butter is a sacred candy flavor. Anything less than perfection would have been simply unacceptable for me. But you know what? Carvel NAIIIIIIILED it. The ice cream tasted exactly like Reese’s peanut butter. God Bless you Carvel for making this old junk food reviewer’s heart soar and reminding him why he’s in the food review game.
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Final Rating: 6.4/10. I wish I could love it. I truly do. But in the end it just leaves me slightly disappointed with a bitter taste in my mouth. Just like LeBron James’ personality.
Boom. Roasted.
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Final Rating: 5.5/10. Kind of weird, kind of good. Still not sure what to make of these snacks. They also had strawberry jelly flavored snacks, but if you use strawberry jelly on your PB&J, you are a flat out lunatic. And I will not debate the crust issue. Crust on pizza = AWESOME. Crust on grilled cheese = good. Crust on PB&J = :Spit:
That was me spitting on my computer. That’s how strongly I feel about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to clean my monitor.
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Final Rating: 9.6/10. First off, let me be clear on this. Ben & Jerry’s is easily the best ice cream around. They make their products the right way because they are a bunch of crunchy hippies, so the base of the ice cream is good. And then they pack it with the most extras in the game. Tonight Dough is caramel & chocolate ice creams with chocolate cookie swirls & cobs of chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cookie dough. Long story short, every single on of those flavors hits. I am more of a vanilla fan than a chocolate fan, though. That’s why I couldn’t rate it a perfect 10. But this ice cream received the best rating I have ever given a food since I started doing this bloggin nonsense. I have been to the Ben & Jerry’s factory multiple times and the longest minutes of my life are experienced during the ride home after buying some fresh Ben & Jerry’s from the store. So when I say this is the best Ben & Jerry’s ice cream I have ever had, you know it comes from the heart.
And I feel just as passionately about my stance on Kimmel being better than Fallon. Fallon has some funny skits and ideas. But Jimmy Kimmel is just infinitely funnier/cooler than Fallon. And oh yeah, Kimmel would never EVER pull a stunt like this.
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Final Rating: 6.4/10. Cookies and creme is one of my favorite ice cream flavors. And the candy bar is good as hell too. But there is something missing in this cereal. Not a ton of flavor is present and it just feels wrong to eat a candy bar without a lot of flavor. And don’t get me wrong, i LOVE Reese’s Puffs. In fact, I think it’s safe to say Reese’s Puffs are my favorite cereal. But these things don’t hold a candle to Reese’s Puffs. And to be honest, the Cookies ‘n’ Creme box shouldn’t even come close to having a similar looking label to Reese’s Puffs. It’s sacrilegious. Go to hell, Cookies ‘n’ Creme cereal. OK, that was kind of strong. But still, you suck.
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Final Rating: 8.5/10. Basically a Corn Nut, if you have ever had one of them. The butter and salt flavor is real good and can lead to some good old fashioned binging. The kernel was not too hard, which was my biggest worry going into the review. Well my biggest worry other than the health effects of doing all these junk food reviews for the love of the game. But that discussion is for another day. We have a bag of partially popped popcorn to finish.
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Final Rating: 8.9/10. Unlike some of the reviews I have done in the past, this actually tastes like the food it is imitating. French toast rules and French Toast Crunch tastes like French toast. I missed French Toast Crunch the first time it made its rounds in grocery stores, but I’m happy I didn’t miss the encore performance. The geniuses at Cinnamon Toast Crunch have done it again!
In related news, I have been eating a lot of cereal for lunch lately. Nothing will make you feel like more of a poor person than eating cold cereal for lunch more than in emergencies (and even in the emergencies, you feel pretty poor).
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Final Rating: 6.8/10. It’s chock full of cheese and steak, which I love. So now you are saying “Hey Clem, stop being such a nincompoop. If it has a ton of cheese and steak, it should be at least a 9.0”. But NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND. The flatbread (or whatever it is) cannot handle the weight. So everything falls apart. Plus it’s just kind of bland. It need a little more flavor in it. Maybe a hint of sour cream or nacho cheese to kick it up a notch. How about some bacon bits? Potatoes? Get creative, Taco Bell. If I am going to put my intestines through the trauma of a Taco Bell run, I want it to be worth it.
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Final Rating: 1,000,000/10. It is true what they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Just tasting that crispy and chocolate concoction under the thin candy shell made all the grave injustices of the world go away for just one moment. Thank you M&Ms by admitting you were a bunch of moronothons for getting rid of Crispy M&Ms. And since I was asked to rank my M&M flavors last week, here is my Top 5 M&M flavors:
Did not make the cut: Mint, Dark Chocolate, Almonds, Birthday Cake, Candy Corn, etc.
5. Crispy: Did I just give these a one million rating and now ranked them only 5? Sure did. That’s just how I roll. I had to prove a point to the pencil-neck geeks at M&M’s that took the crispy flavor off the shelf. But now it’s back to reality.
4. Peanut Butter: They are a pretty solid candy, but every time I eat them, I think about how much more I wish I was eating Reese’s Pieces. Is that fair? No. But I don’t make the rules in the candy game. I just follow them to a tee as I hammer through reviews.
3. Milk Chocolate: Timeless and classic.
2. Pretzel: Criminally underrated in the M&M game and the candy game in general. Doubles as both a candy and a legit snack. Plus salty and sweet is what’s hot in the streets these days.
1. Peanut: When I was young, Peanut M&Ms were gross. They seemed like the adult, “healthier” version of M&Ms. But you really respect the punch that a peanut can pack as you get older. And there are a bunch of different ways to eat Peanut M&Ms. Eat the candy, save the peanut. Suck it down to the peanut. Split the peanut in half. The possibilities are endless.
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The Clem Report 