Posts Tagged ‘jimmy kimmel’

Wait, what?!?  Granted this video is more than 10 years old and Eazy-E died 20 years ago, but can you really put anything past Suge Knight?  I went to see Straight Outta Compton the other night and was scared of Suge Knight the entire time, and that was while he was being played by an actor in a movie.  Cigar in mouth, dressed head-to-toe in red, cocky as hell.  He is and always will be the scariest dude on the planet.

And to be honest, you could sell me on the fact that Suge Knight has committed any murder that he wasn’t in prison for (and was the mastermind behind every murder that happened while he was in prison).  I bet if you gave Sarah Koenig and Serial some time, we could have Suge in prison for the murder of Hae.  Suge Knight is to violence what Mike Trout is to baseball.  There are really no limits to his abilities.  Just a once in a lifetime talent.  Injecting someone with AIDS during the mid-90’s would be a reach for basically every other person on the planet other than Suge Knight.

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Final Rating: 9.6/10. First off, let me be clear on this. Ben & Jerry’s is easily the best ice cream around. They make their products the right way because they are a bunch of crunchy hippies, so the base of the ice cream is good. And then they pack it with the most extras in the game. Tonight Dough is caramel & chocolate ice creams with chocolate cookie swirls & cobs of chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cookie dough. Long story short, every single on of those flavors hits. I am more of a vanilla fan than a chocolate fan, though. That’s why I couldn’t rate it a perfect 10. But this ice cream received the best rating I have ever given a food since I started doing this bloggin nonsense. I have been to the Ben & Jerry’s factory multiple times and the longest minutes of my life are experienced during the ride home after buying some fresh Ben & Jerry’s from the store. So when I say this is the best Ben & Jerry’s ice cream I have ever had, you know it comes from the heart.

And I feel just as passionately about my stance on Kimmel being better than Fallon.  Fallon has some funny skits and ideas.  But Jimmy Kimmel is just infinitely funnier/cooler than Fallon.  And oh yeah, Kimmel would never EVER pull a stunt like this.

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To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

romo      

For some reason, we never see a negative Tony Romo tweet.  Trying to find a good, disparaging tweet about Tony Romo is like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles the size of Cowboys Stadium.

witten

Anyone who has ever owned or played against Jason Witten in fantasy football knows exactly how accurate that tweet was.

dez

What are the odds Dez Bryant tracked down this tweeter and beat him up?  65%?  80%?

harris

I’m not sure I understand the Dwayne Harris tweet, but it is still a ridiculously hilarious statement.

martin

However, the most accurate tweet was for Zack Martin.  Xbox Ones are awesome to have, but they don’t keep your feet warm and clean.  Just like a new playmaker is fun to have, but O-Linemen make sure your quarterback doesn’t need to have another back surgery.  Sometimes it’s about needs over wants.

weeden

The look Brandon Weeden gives the people behind the camera after he reads his tweet says “this person is 100% correct.  I don’t know why Jerry Jones is paying me, either”.

carr

Brandon Carr attempting to read was as painful as it was funny.  I liked his fake outrage when he left after the third tweet, even though you know he doesn’t care what us peasants have to say about him.  Keep cutting those checks, Jerry!

letterman4n-1-web

NY Daily News:  David Letterman has announced his retirement.  The gap-toothed comic, a favorite of Johnny Carson, will hang up his Top Ten list and Stupid Pet Tricks in 2015, he shared with the audience at the taping of tonight’s “Late Show.”  Letterman said his first call was to CBS chief, Les Moonves.

“He and I have had a relationship for years and years and years, and we have had this conversation in the past, and we agreed that we would work together on this circumstance and the timing of this circumstance. And I phoned him just before the program, and I said ‘Leslie, it’s been great, you’ve been great, and the network has been great, but I’m retiring,'” said Letterman.  “I just want to reiterate my thanks for the support from the network, all of the people who have worked here, all of the people in the theater, all the people on the staff, everybody at home, thank you very much. What this means now, is that Paul and I can be married.”

Letterman added, “We don’t have the timetable for this precisely down – I think it will be at least a year or so, but sometime in the not too distant future, 2015 for the love of God, in fact, Paul and I will be wrapping things up,” he added, to a standing ovation from the audience in the Ed Sullivan Theater.  Mike Mills, bassist for tonight’s musical guest REM, broke the news on Twitter.  Letterman is the longest-serving late-night host in TV history, last year surpassing his friend and mentor Johnny Carson at the 31-year mark. His verion of NBC’s “Late Show” debuted in 1982.

This is one of those things that surprises you but doesn’t really SHOCK you.  As a longtime Letterman fan, it definitely felt like he had lost his fastball, as well as most of his secondary pitches over the last few years.  Obviously in his prime he was a Hall of Famer.  The guy changed the way these late night shows worked, going off the cuff and getting all kinds of weird with some of his skits.  Pure genius.  But it has been a while since he was consistently entertaining, and some of the new hosts/shows are just running circles aroung him creatively.  When push comes to shove, I wonder if he ever got over getting snaked out of the Tonight Show by Jay Leno and NBC.  F that big chinned bastard.

Anyway, here’s my Top 10 late night hosts you would want to hang out with off camera:

10. Carson Daly- The man who haunted my teenage afternoons with boy band and Korn music videos on TRL tried his hand at a late night show.  Either a real cool, down to Earth guy or an arrogant bastard.  I really can’t decide, but the fact he once had a nose ring isn’t helping his cause.

9. Arsenio Hall- Old Arsenio would be Top 5, but this new Arsenio just seems a little weird to me.  If we are being honest, the original Arsenio probably died in the 90s and this newest version is a robot.

8.  Jimmy Fallon- Has some funny 90s nostalgia, but his gimmick would wear thin real quick.  Always jumpy and seems to have a schtick on at all times.  Scores points for being from New York.

7. David Letterman- Clearly an old curmudgeon, but if you were able to talk to him about the crazy shit they did back in the 80s, the stories would be worth it.  If you hit a ball into his yard, he would never let you come over to get it.  But damn, that dude was funny back in the day.

6. Seth Meyers- Always seems pretty down to Earth and would clearly be more fun to be around than Fallon and Letterman.  Still not 100% sure about him though, since he has only been on TV so long.  Killed it during the White House Correspondents Dinner.

5. Pete Holmes- Easily the most underrated host on this list.  Watch this interview with James Harden and try not to laugh.  Pete Holmes is going to be a star.  The last time I said that about someone, they hosted the Super Bowl Halftime Show 2 years later.

4.  Stephen Colbert- Good dude, basically just as cool as Jon Stewart.  Clearly seems zanier and can always get half of America riled up pretty easily.

3.  Jon Stewart- Wins the tiebreaker with Colbert for being the first to have a show.  Also, is a Mets fan and was in Big Daddy.  Would definitely be cracking jokes on me in his head because he is so much smarter.

2. Conan O’Brien- Self loathing as hell and a legitimate giant in real life.  Asking him Simpsons questions like The Chris Farley Show would be amazing.

1. Jimmy Kimmel-  Easily seems like the coolest guy of the bunch.  Was responsible for The Man Show and Girls Jumping On Trampolines.  Enough said.