Posts Tagged ‘Mets’

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Solid work by the Wilpons trying to sneak this one under the radar right after Scandal Week.  Nothing says corporate greed like replacing the symbol for world unity with a building that is the headquarters for the bank that sponsors your stadium.

But if we are being honest, I am not outraged in the least.  I imagine that Citi is paying a pretty penny for the Mets to whore out their logo.  And while there is a 99.9999999% chance that the Wilpons are pocketing all of the Citi money, if by some miracle they decide to use any of it on a big bat, I will be happy.  In fact, I would be in favor in disbanding the UN altogether if it meant that I could watch Tulo play 100 games before his annual season-ending injury.

Finally, what kind of sick Rain Man noticed that they changed the logo?  Even with the yellow box, it took me a few seconds to actually see the difference.  Internet watchdogs, man.  Your ass is never safe.

So I had a nice Friday night planned with the wife.  “Neighbors” on TV1, Mets/Cubs on TV2.  Maybe sprinkle in some preseason football moneymaking viewing to get the weekend started.  And then my entire world was turned upside down when I saw the Mets ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

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What the hell is going on with Jay Horwitz’s midsection?  There are so many possibilities.

3:1- He is getting a jump on the next viral fundraiser, the Rabies Fupa Challenge.

6:1- Jay has the most epic pair of man boobs we’ve ever seen.  Swing low, sweet chariots.

10:1- He is slowly turning into Grimace.

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20:1- Horwitz is the main villain in the new Goosebumps book.

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Finally, what is going on with those sock marks, Jay?  I respect the high sock game and all*, but that is patently ridiculous.  May be time to hit the ol’ Big And Tall store for some socks, Jay Bird.

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*Editor’s note: I don’t respect anyone who wears socks from April-October, I was just trying to be nice**

**I actually respect any girl that wears high socks, regardless of month. 

I think it moved.

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Also, no dibs on being the one to tell Harvey he has to pitch out of the bullpen next year.  Sorry Matthew, but when you have The 2014 NL Rookie of the Year (deGrom), The 2015 Cy Young (probably Wheeler), The Lefty (Niese), The 2015 NL Rookie of the Year (Syndergaard), and The Comedic Relief That Everyone ADORES (Fat Bart), there just isn’t any room for stud Cy Young candidates.  Oh yeah, and lets not forget Mr. Guts Dillon Gee and legit prospect Rafael Montero.  Life as a Mets fan is about to be prettyyyyy, prettyyyy, prettyyyyyy good.

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Best July Moment:  July 7th-9th vs. The Braves.  If it is illegal to pick three days instead of one moment, sue me.  After the Braves swept the Mets in Atlanta to begin the month, it felt real good to win a squeaker, a blow out, and a pitching duel.  This series, sandwiched between the Rangers and Marlins series, gave Mets fans hope that the team wasn’t going to call it quits before August came.  

Worst July Moment: The End Of The Padres Rubber Game.  You remember the game.  Odrisimar Dispagne was throwing a no-hitter and any Mets fan was ready to give his/her right arm to avoid having the Mets be the first no-hit victim in Padres history.  Then something funny happened.  The Mets broke up the no-hitter, tied the game up, and looked like they were going to sneak out a win.  The Mets used to be the kings of throwing 7+ no-hit innings and then end up taking the loss.  So I was salivating at the thought of them turning the tables on the Friars.  Instead, Vic Black gave up the game-winning run and the Mets left San Diego losing 2 of 3 games.  This game sucked. (more…)

Still not as scary as the 2007 or 2008 collapses.  And as much as I hate to admit it, the Mets being a part of a movie as dumb and silly as Sharknado 2 is the most Mets thing ever.

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Dear Troy,

Hi, my name is Clem and I am a diehard Mets fan.  I am writing to you because I would really love it if you requested a trade out of Colorado.  If the owner and GM ask where you would like to go, tell them Flushing, Queens (it’s kind of a weird name, but you will get used to it).  I blog about sports and pop culture on my site The Clem Report.  If you ever wanted to get into blogging, you could be a guest writer on my blog.  We could talk about Game of Thrones and review all kinds of new foods and candies.

Anyway, I read on Wikipedia that you married your high school sweetheart.  Guess what?  I married my college sweetheart!  Maybe we could all go to the movies if/when you get traded here.  I always have a tough time deciding between getting popcorn or candy.  Maybe I could get popcorn, you could get candy, and we could share.  I also have a best friend named Rambo (he’s a hawk that lives in my yard).  He doesn’t speak English, but I bet he could be your best friend as well.  We could be known as The Three Amigos, which is Spanglish for The Three Friends.

I also read that you recently became a father and have a son named Taz.  I don’t have any children yet, but my wife and I would love to babysit if you ever needed a night out.  I was a fan of the Looney Tunes growing up and Taz was one of my favorite characters.  I even had a few of those Taz shirts that were two sided.  I don’t have them anymore, but I could buy one for you as a welcome present for when you get to New York.

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A lot of people downgrade your offensive numbers because you play in Colorado.  I can promise you that will not be the case if you come to the Mets.  Citi Field is, ummmm, different than Coors Field.  The Mets owners built a ballpark that was designed to neutralize our best player’s power alleys.  But don’t worry Troy, they can’t screw that up again (I think).  We also have a cool mascot named Mr. Met.  He is really nice and has a family as well.  All their heads are baseballs!  How cool is that?  I know the Rockies have a mascot named Dinger that is a triceratops.  If you have ever seen Jurassic Park, you know that once the electricity goes off, dinosaurs try to eat people.  Is that really the type of animal you would want near your growing family?  I wouldn’t trust a triceratops as far as I could throw it (which isn’t very far at all).

I know you have a lot of great memories in Colorado and feel loyal to the Rockies franchise, as well as their fans.  I happen to know what that feels like.  When I was in little league, I became great friends with my coaches, teammates, and their families.  Unfortunately in little league, you are forced to change teams every season.  But guess what?  You make a new set of friends with your new coaches, teammates, and their families.  So you end up with double the amount of friends after the season is over!

Also, I am not sure if you heard, but the Rockies messed up your t-shirt giveaway night by spelling your name wrong.  Considering how long you have been there and how good you have been, that is really messed up.  I can already spell your name with my eyes closed.  T-U-L-O-W-I-T-Z-K-I.  Editor’s note: His (my) eyes were really closed.

Finally Troy, I know Derek Jeter was your favorite player growing up.  But trust me, you do not want to go to the Yankees.  You will have to change your number and they won’t even put your last name on the back of your jersey.  Plus the Mets are going to be about 20 games better than the Yankees next year.  The Mets also have David Wright, who has been the best third baseman in the National League for the last 10 years and is a mix of Mickey Mouse and a boy scout.  You will love playing with him.

The ball is in your court, Tulo (I can call you that, right?).  All I can do is sit here and wait.  Give my best to your wife and Taz.  I hope to see you in New York soon!

Sincerely,

Clem

PS- Rambo says hi and really hopes you come here.

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ESPN- Andy Milovich has offered to go this week where no man has gone before: A prostate exam in front of a full stadium of fans.  Milovich, the general manager of the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, the Single-A affiliate of the Texas Rangers, offered to have the exam while singing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” during the seventh-inning stretch if local 10-year-old Fallon Emery, who has brain cancer, gets 10,000 likes on her Facebook page before the game.

“It’s not like I would be getting it at home plate,” Milovich said. “I’ll likely do it from our radio booth and the fans will see me from the shoulder up.”  Last week, Milovich was promoting Thursday night’s game, which has a prostate cancer awareness focus, when a reporter for a morning talk show asked him if he was willing to get a prostate exam at the game.

Any time a minor league team can get some free publicity, it is a huge win for them.  Add in this whole charade being for a good cause and it can bring a smile to any person’s face.  Good work by Milovich and the Pelicans franchise.

With that being said, I don’t understand the big deal.  Mets fans have been paying for this kind of pain for years.  The 2007 collapse was a month-long prostate exam.  You felt it in the morning, during the games, and all through the night.  Rinse and repeat the next day.

Maybe I am being kind of tough on what a prostate exam feels like.  I guess being a Mets fan is more like the treatement Cartman gets from his mom when he wants an iPad.

If this ending isn’t a metaphor for painful anal penetration, I don’t know what is.  And yes, after I wrote that sentence I wondered aloud what my life is coming to as a blogger.

Finally, lost in all the hullabaloo, we find out that the Myrtle Beach baseball team is named the Pelicans and not the Mermen?  Easily the biggest name downgrade since the Washington Bullets turned into the Washington Wizards.  Shameful.

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