Sit back and bathe in the beauty.
Final Rating: 6.4/10. I wish I could love it. I truly do. But in the end it just leaves me slightly disappointed with a bitter taste in my mouth. Just like LeBron James’ personality.
To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.
Sure, the Hitler meme has been done to death, but I think “Hitler in his bunker as the allied forces close in” is probably the best way to describe the way it felt to be a Knicks fan last Tuesday night. Just hopeless, trying to talk yourself into everything being alright. Hope Melo stays healthy, the Knicks hit big in free agency, and the pick doesn’t become a complete disaster. But us Knicks fans have to believe in something. An entire year of tanking for this bullshit. So sad. So Knicks.
Also, the Cavs bowtie kid line killed me. Because that son of a bitch has magical powers. The least LeBron could have done after leaving the entire state of New York with blue balls following the Decision would have been to lend that bowtied rabbit’s foot to the Knicks for the lottery. Instead, nothing but Hitler memes for this sad ass franchise.
h/t Knicksmemes for creating this gem
Fifteen years ago today, Chris Childs punched Kobe Bryant in the face – twice. pic.twitter.com/3LtMpf8PuG
— UPNORTHTRIP$ (@evboogie) April 2, 2015
It has been an especially rough season for Knicks fans, so in times like this, it is best that we remember the happier moments. And while the surplus of dick punches and lack of championships has left the memory pool kind of shallow, this was an all-time great highlight for Knicks fans (and every NBA fan that isn’t a Lakers fan).
Kobe at his peak of arrogance just getting punked on national TV by a relatively bummy point guard. I remember hating the Chris Childs contract the minute the ink hit the paper. But when Childs two-pieced Kobe, he totally redeemed himself. I’m not saying Childs should have his number retired for the punches, but if the Knicks ever make a Ring of Honor, they can at least think about honoring the punches there.
Denver Post- Sixteen years in the NBA can be a blur, Al Harrington can attest to that. He lived it. On Wednesday, he recounted near two-decades worth of just sheer fun, allowing the words that put an end to things kick off the conversation. He sat courtside at the Toyota Center after helping out during a Nuggets practice, and finally said it. “I’m officially retired,” Harrington said. “I don’t know if there’s paperwork that I gotta fill out or anything. But my career is over.”
Congrats to Al Harrington, who was a solid, if not unspectacular player during his time in the NBA. He was USA Today’s National Player of the Year during his senior year in high school before being drafted by the Pacers in 1998. He was one of those band-aid type players that the Knicks seemed to run through during the 2000s. But that Vine is the best Gus Johnson call I have ever heard during his days announcing in the NBA. He has countless better calls during college basketball games, but as for the NBA, there is none better.
But seeing how today kicks off March Madness, I was all ready to link to the Gus Johnson soundboard. But to my chagrin, it seems like the Soundboard has been killed. I don’t know how the creator didn’t start a GoFundMe to raise enough money to keep the site running, but it is a damn shame. We have had a chick raise money so she can get stuffed in Las Vegas and a dude raise money so he can see if his chick is getting stuffed on Spring Break. How the creator of the soundboard never asked for a few bucks to keep a piece of internet gold alive is beyond me.
So in the absence of said Gus Johnson soundboard, here are some of Gus’ best calls via YouTube. Happy March Madness, everybody!!!
P.S. I stumbled upon this Al Harrington ad while searching for a picture for the blog. Gus Johnson just causally making people money with his awesome calls. He is a national treasure. And God bless you if you would buy a razor for your head because it is endorsed by Al Harrington holding a bunch of them in a bucket. That seems like a surefire way to scalp yourself to me.
Sheridan Hoops- 2. Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies (Unrestricted)
He probably isn’t going anywhere, either. And a little birdie who knows of what he speaks tells me Gasol has already ruled out playing for the New York Knicks. It’s nothing personal with Phil Jackson or that consummate New Yorker, Jim Dolan (gag). It’s a matter of money. He can get a five-year deal to stay in Memphis, where he attended high school. After taxes, that will be worth more than twice what he would get from New York.
Well that was a real kick in the dick. I think all Knicks fans thought Gasol was the best free agent the Knicks had a shot at. You know when you come up with a ton of reasons for why a player will sign with your team that really don’t matter when push comes to shove? Well here were mine for Marc Gasol and New York, in math equation form:
Marc’s brother Pau loved playing in the triangle for Phil Jackson in L.A. + Pau has 2 rings thanks to Phil + Marc looks up to Pau + Marc is a young Spaniard that apparently loves culture + New York has roughly 1 billion times more culture than Memphis + New York is CLOSER to Spain than Memphis + There are tonnnnnnnns of Spanish-speaking people in New York = Marc Gasol is 100% going to sign with the Knicks.
But I guess the whole “Grew up and loves it in Memphis + The Grizzlies are clearly a better team + Gasol can make twice as much from Memphis as he could from New York” just may be enough to slightly tip the scales out of New York’s favor.
Sheridan lists Greg Monroe and LaMarcus Aldridge as number 4 and 5 on his list, with the Knicks being a potential fit for both (Monroe being much more likely). So I guess all hope isn’t lost. And if neither sign with the Knicks, New York can always draft Jahlil Okafor or Karl Anthony-Towns with the number 1 pick (please, please, please you spiteful Basketball Gods).
And while we are speaking of the draft, news broke on Sunday that the Knicks were shopping their number 1 pick:
ESPN- In an interview on ESPN New York’s “The Robin Lundberg Show,” ESPN NBA reporter Brian Windhorst said the Knicks are at the very least considering their options when it comes to trading their first-round pick.
Specifically, Windhorst said the Knicks are looking into “opportunities” to see “what they could possibly get if they trade their draft pick.”
Of course, it’s wise for Phil Jackson and the Knicks to at least gauge the market for the pick.
Basically long story short, that report was just some click bait to take advantage of us frail, emotionally-abused Knicks fans. Obviously the Knicks aren’t going to head into the draft with blinders on and just use their pick. They are going to see what they can get for it, regardless of where the pick is in the lottery. And it would honestly be stupid not to.
Now, it’s not like Steph Curry or Russell Westbrook are going to be offered in a trade for the pick. But you never know how stupid another NBA team may be. Like, for example, when the Bulls robbed the Knicks blind in the Eddy Curry trade. Phil is going to have to at least shop around and see what’s out there before deciding what he will do with the pick. There are going to be a ton of fake trade rumors and discussion about who the Knicks will pick. But it’s better then what Knicks fans have looked forward to the last few summers.
“Hey mom, check out this funny picture I saw on Facebook today. Who cares that 10 of the best athletes in the world are competing right in front of us. Annnnnnd, your dead”. Meanwhile orange shirt guy with the “I care but I don’t care” one-handed, cross-body block attempt and Uncle Ben readying himself to catch this old coot’s melon once it pops off her head.
Old lady gets hit in face with basketball. Timeless. Classic. The modern day, real life version of Man Getting Hit By Football.