Posts Tagged ‘new york yankees’

The video basically says it all. What it doesn’t mention is how they snuck into Michael Jordan’s All-Star party with Ian Kinsler’s buddies and hung out in VIP with MJ, Derek Jeter, and all the other All-Stars (Kinsler, Chase Utley, etc.). If I had tried to pull a move like this, no doubt my ass would have been thrown in a patty wagon. Matt (the younger brother) saw MJ leave the bathroom and froze. So he did what any normal person would do. Gave Michael Jordan the biggest hug possible. They also chatted up Jeter throughout the night, fulfilling every Yankees fan’s wildest (non-sexual) dreams. They basically hung out in VIP until the end of the party. Both have been married and have had children. But I think if you gave them truth serum, both would say that night was the best night of their lives. F my life as a Mets fan.

Final Rating: 8.7/10.  As a Mets fan, I have no beef with Red Sox fans.  We have a common enemy in Yankees fans and there is really no overlay.  Plus, one of the greatest moments in Mets history is an all-time testicle kick (the 1986 World Series).  This goes double for the Patriots and their fans.  Anyway, Red Sox fans have a deep love for the Fenway Franks.  I enjoyed them when I went to Fenway in 2005, but I never thought in a million years I would see them in a grocery store in suburban New York.  

The Fenway Franks are more Ballpark frank than Nathan’s, Sabrett, or Hebrew National.  A good amount of flavor and a compact dog.  Thank GOD that grilling season has started again, which is officially anytime after St. Patty’s Day in the Clem household.  It also means you cannot wear a winter jacket again until November.  But that’s the responsibility that comes with the honor of grilling.  Screw the Yankees, Lets Go Mets (and Red Sox too, especially times where it will piss off Yankees fans).  And for the record, I am pretty sure that Fenway Franks were better than Dodger Dogs.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

A-Rod truly cannot catch a break. He is like Richie Rich in the beginning of Richie Rich. He is always somehow one step behind what is trending or cool, despite having all the money in the world (except for the McDonald’s in his house. That was AWESOME).

One day, the A-Rod handwritten apology note is the topic around countless watercoolers. The next day, Big Vince Wilfork goes and changes the entire game with using some clip art and Microsoft Word concoction from hell. In fact, I don’t even know what to think of that picture. Just text bleeding onto different pages on the virtual clipboard.

http://player.espn.com/player.js?playerBrandingId=4ef8000cbaf34c1687a7d9a26fe0e89e&adSetCode=91cDU6NuXTGKz3OdjOxFdAgJVtQcKJnI&pcode=1kNG061cgaoolOncv54OAO1ceO-I&width=576&height=324&externalId=espn:12383260&thruParam_espn-uiautoPlay=false&thruParam_espn-uiplayRelatedExternally=true

 

Wow wow wow wow wow. The music, the intense Harvey stare, the promise of weather above 10 degrees. This video has it all. I am laying next to a pile of “happy tissues” at my house after watching that. And the best part about all of it is that Harvey Day will be back in our lives once every five days. Glorious. Simply glorious.    

https://vine.co/v/O2iQbrIpHBw/embed/postcard

 

P.S. Derek Jeter comes off as such a villain in this trailer. The good-looking, well dressed rich guy with the life that is too good to be true. Similar to Harvey Dent, except Maggie Gylenhaal looks closer to me than she does Hannah Davis.

jete

 

So simple, so good.  God bless Mongo Nation.

 

h/t Chad for the video

 

Number 2, the rooster’s cockadoodledoodledoo is so important to our lives.  Look at that cotton ball snowman.  He just plays the arts and crafts game the right way.  And the glue?  So clutch.  Billy Madison is the true Captain of kindergarten.  #2chool will never be the same without him.

I have to admit that the ad agencies in charge of Derek Jeter’s farewell money grab tour have been killing it the last few months.  The #Re2pect commercial went viral and even the biggest Yankees hater had to tip his cap to the (likely sleazy) marketing group that put it all together.  Even as someone who has rooted against Derek Jeter for his entire adult life, it was hard to not get goosebumps on my goosebumps.  Visiting Stan’s was an especially nice touch.  I have always been jealous of the Yankees having an actual fun environment outside their stadium, instead of the vast Flushing wasteland the Mets play in.

If David Wright had a Gatorade commercial, he would be pushed around the 7 train by Asians, mugged at one of the chop shops, have his entire farewell speech drowned out by a plane flying overhead, get hit by a pitch, and have the Mets lose a crucial September game (if they were still in the race).  God I hate baseball (and baseball apparently hates me).

P.S. The most believable part of this commercial is Jeter not knowing how to use a smartphone, right?  He probably is like a drug kingpin that hasn’t touched a cell phone since 1996.  That’s what your entourage is for.  They will keep Minka hanging on your every text while setting up a quick session with Hannah Davis.  Derek Jeter: The modern day Frank Sinatra (without the unwanted publicity and mob connections.  I think).

jete

More and more the Yankees are morphing into my beloved Mets.  They are putting promotions on the first NFL Sunday to get a bump in attendance and pimping out their franchise to make a buck.  The Richter scale in Tampa Bay is off the charts with all the rolling George Steinbrenner is doing in his grave.  Instead of trying to win, they are trying to turn a profit.  And that’s when you have Mozart Maniacs show up instead of Bleacher Creatures.  Not a good look for the Boogie Down.

And a hat tip to the person who asked if the music was Taps.  Great call.  That song should be played whenever an American icon dies.  And the latest iteration of the Great Yankees are dead.  #RIPYankees. #RIPDerekJeter. #RIPSteveJobs.

San Diego Padres v Seattle Mariners

NYPost- Now this is some kind of meltdown. One-time Yankees stud farmhand Jesus Montero, whose weight has ballooned since a trade to the Seattle Mariners even as his prospect status has deflated, lost his cool Thursday night and confronted a scout (from his own team!) with a bat — all over an ice cream sandwich.

The incident occurred in Boise, where Montero was on an injury rehab assignment with the Single-A Everett AquaSox. The bizarrely antagonistic scout apparently razzed Montero throughout the game then sent the dairy taunt to him in dugout — guess the vanilla insults weren’t working. According to milb.com, Montero approached the stands wielding a bat and threw the dessert while screaming profanities before he was restrained. 

Man I hate the living shit out of Jesus Montero.  First I had to hear Yankees fans tell me Montero was going to be better than Mike Piazza.  Then he got shipped out to Seattle for Michael Pineda and promptly gained 1,000 pounds.  I wanted Montero to become the next Jay Buhner AKA the player Yankees fans bellyached about years after the trade.

And then Jesus went ahead and pulled the ultimate food sin.  No matter what someone says to you, you do NOT throw an ice cream sandwich at them.  It is the king of the ice cream novelty kingdom (Choco Taco is the crown prince though, don’t get it twisted).  Doing something ignorant as that defines the phrase “wasting your food”.  I hope all the bad things in life happen to Montero and nobody else but Montero.

george-bluth-love-affair-ice-cream-sandwich-arrested-development

OK, I have had enough of this malarky.  It was funny when elected officials with noodle arms and no athletic skill threw out a bad first pitch.  Even the occasional 50 Cent or Carl Lewis blooper got a chuckle.  But now we are just shitting all over our national past time.  Did Miss Texas have a problem finding an American flag to burn as she threw out the pitch?  Shameful.

As far as I am concerned, we should kick Texas out of the Union for this.  They have always wanted to be their own country, anyway.  This was the final straw.  Tax the living shit out of the Cowboys and Longhorns when they want to play a football game against American teams. Win/win.

Also, what happened to beauty queens besmirching their states and family names with sex scandals?  I miss the good old days.  Now I have to give the Ceremonial First Pitch the Oregon Trail treatment.ore

No matter what you think of the Dubya or the Yankees, this is the best first pitch ever. I am going to petition future MLB commissioner Rob Manfred to right the wrongs of his predecessors by creating a rule that all stadiums must show the George W. Bush first pitch before every baseball game. This way, the terrorists (both local* and abroad) lose.
*Yes, I just called Miss Texas a terrorist. I stand by that statement 100%

If that doesn’t work, we can all agree that Plan B should be showing Chrissy Teigen’s first pitch before every game, right?  Sexy, fun, and a legit throw.  Just the way our forefathers would have wanted it.