Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

obj

 

me

 

As I watch Odell Beckham get hundreds/thousands of favs and retweets every time he tweets ANYTHING, it makes me happy and sad.  Happy that my favorite NFL player has developed a huge following on social media.  And sad because I will never have that type of love from the social media masses despite basically living my entire life on Twitter these days.  So I did a little experiment.  I waited until ODB tweeted something out and then copied/pasted his tweet as my own.  The results are above.  Almost 1400 retweets and 1400 favs for Beckham against my 1 retweet and 5 favs.  Odell just took me to Pound Town.

But in the words of everybody’s favorite mascot head wearer (Lee Corso), “NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND!”.  As of the writing of this blog, Odell Beckham has 404,000 followers (Twitter lists it as 404K to estimate because that is A LOT OF GOD DAMN PEOPLE.  I am jealous of everyone that has a K in their follower count).  I have 3,060 followers (and I love literally each and every one of them.  Especially the bots and Twitter Instagram hoes that just look for follow backs).  So by my math:

1 in every 290 of ODB’s followers retweeted his tweet, while 1 in every 295 of his followers favorited his tweet.

1 in every 3,060 of my followers retweeted my tweet, while 1 in every 612 of my followers favorited my tweet.

Looks like I lost again….

But wait!!!

lee-corso1

 

Odell Beckham tweeted out his tweet 39 seconds before I did.  So I still have time to make up the difference.

 

Who Tweeted It Better Verdict: Too close to call

 

pft

 

Pssst, The Patriots will host the Steelers in the Thursday Night season opener.  The Giants and Cowboys will play the first Sunday Night Football game of the season.  The Seahawks will go to Green Bay Week 2.  Miss Lippy’s car is green.

Just random nonsense flood my Twitter timeline as is, but these NFL schedule leaks are the worst.  Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely eat every one of them up because I am an NFL fiend.  But it just seems RIDICULOUS that this is how everyone finds out the schedule before the “announcement” tonight at 8.  I have to print out every Giants schedule tweet and glue it to a piece of poster board just so I can see what the finished product looks like before the official announcement.  JK, that would be creepy.

<Slowly hides poster board and glue stick>

635580595211214105-Super-Bowl-Betting-Feit

This is the time of year when everyone is announcing their favorite prop bets.  I took a quick glance at BetOnline.com and picked out my five favorite/most ridiculous novelty props.  In semi-related news, I took Tim Wright +2500 to score the first touchdown and LOVED the pick as a longshot bet.  But the last few days, I have heard at least four different TV shows/podcasts say they loved the bet as well, which means I am screwed.

Anyway, onto the props!

1.   cleav

This is the question everyone has been talking about since the minute Katy Perry was announced as the Halftime Show performer.  If you bet the No, you hate happiness, fun, and freedom (in that order).

Clem’s Pick: YES (-700).  And a resounding Yes at that.  Katy is pumped.

2. perry

Katy Perry has legs/knees?  You learn something new every day.  As we said in prop #1, Katy is going to show the puppies off.  -700 tells us that much.  But there is no way the NFL is going to green light way too much skin after the year they just had.  After half the NFL was arrested for domestic abuse and all the stupid deflategate talk, the NFL is going to make Katy go somewhat conservative.

Clem’s Pick: Give me Pants (Below the knees) at +350, and I’m not too happy about it.

3. spin

If only Steve Smith Sr. was playing in the game.  Under 20 1/2 seconds would be the pick.  Senior is the best ball-spinner in the league.  Unfortunately, Stevie Smiff isn’t in the game.  But just the fact we can root for someone to spin a ball makes me proud to be an American.  I bet ISIS hates that we can bet on stuff like this.

Clem’s Pick: Under 20 1/2 Minutes Elapsed.  Seattle oozes swag, and spinning the ball is a swagalicious moves out there.  And if you can’t tell, I really miss Steve Smith in my life every Sunday.

ImmaterialSelfreliantBlacklab

4.conf

This one made my brain explode.  I am not a college football fan, but I know the Pac-12 doesn’t get a ton of love.  But then you think about the players that are most likely to score a TD (Gronk, Lynch, Baldwin, Blount) and you realize that they are all Pac-12 guys.  It just goes to show you that Minor League Football is crazier than any of us know (that was just a dig at people who think College Football is better than NFL Football).

Clem’s Pick: Let’s get nutty.  I am going to pick the Big Ten and hope one of the QBs can sneak one in.  Tom Brady is the king of the short yardage dive, and Russy Wilson could scramble his way to a long TD.  Do the God damn thing, fellas.

5. sleeves

I am really torn on this one.  I want Belichick to turn the world on its head and come out fully sleeved.  But I also have a gut feeling that the NFL’s Emperor Palpaltine is not going to shake the apple cart.  He NEEEEEDS this Super Bowl win, since it will probably be the last one he has a chance to win.  Because noted Patriots killer Eli Manning will be leading the Giants and Odell Beckham Jr. to the big game for the foreseeable future.

Clem’s Pick:  Sleeves.  Lets get crazy, William! 

belichickyoung__1327436637_4594

 

Enjoy the game, commercials, food and most importantly the booze on Sunday!

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

I think everyone across the country was confused as hell when Morgan Burnett slid after what appeared what could have been a game-clinching interception.  I thought “well, I guess there was a full crew of Seahawks ready to rip the ball out of Burnett’s hands, so he slid”.  But that was apparently NOT the case.  Usually it’s a defensive back taking the ball out of the endzone and going down at the two yard-line like a God damn knucklehead.  So Burnett’s heart was in the right place, unfortunately his body wasn’t.

Sure Burnett sliding is only reason number 348,291 why the Packers lost that game.  McCarthy got conservative, they acted like there was no chance in hell a team would fake a field goal when it would be the spark they would need, and the Packers took the ball out of their best players’ hands (Rodgers and Lacy).  But look on the bright side Packers fans.  Actually there is no bright side.  That was an absolutely brutal way to lose.  Maybe your coach will grow a spine by next season.  But by that point, Odell Beckham Jr. will fully form into the evolutionary Jerry Rice, turning the other 31 NFL team to ash along the way.  But at least the Packers are fun to play with in Madden.  Chin up, cheeseheads!

 

Well that was a lovely journey down memory lane, huh?  ODB is so good, he can make you forget how sick you are of hearing that song for the last three years.  But seriously, those were the highlights of his rookie season after he missed training camp and 4 games with a hamstring injury. What is he going to do with a year of NFL experience under his belt and improved chemistry with Eli/Ben McAdoo?  I guess the question I am getting at is “Can Odell Beckham Jr. break a million yards receiving next year”?  And the answer just may be “definitely, without a doubt, yes”.

Capture

 

#NailedIt

 

h/t Pops for the pic

 

 

 

ZINNNNNNNNNG!  Just another example of how the AFC South is a dog eat dog world.  You think you are safe from getting called out on Twitter just because you are the two most boring teams in the NFL’s most irrelevant divisions?  Pshhhh.  Gotta keep your head on a swivel down in the Dirty Dirty.

Imagine Ken Whisenhunt finds out about this tweet as he is scouting players for the 2015 draft?  Just awful.  He has to fight Gus Bradley and defend the Titans honor, right?  Or the Titans can try to save face by dropping a “jerk store” line.  But there may have already been too much damage to save the Tennessee franchise.  #RIPTitans.

If we are being honest, that tweet is the second best thing the Jags franchise has ever done, behind installing this (likely) STD-infested pool in their stadium.

https://vine.co/v/Oun9hne1Ah9/embed/postcard//platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

 

jpeg-480x360

Yahoo- “One of the biggest things I do, and I’ve done it my whole career … in college and high school … when I get into the facility, I’ll get in the hot tub, shower and then go to my locker and just sit in my jockstrap,” Pollard said, after making sure it was OK to tell the truth to the assembled crowd. “In Baltimore, all the guys would time me, on how long I was naked or in a jock. I think it got up to 38 minutes one time. I’m a nudist.”

While Bernard’s definition of a nudist is different than most, I have to admit that the headline was pretty funny.  Because the guy who in different years has ended the seasons of Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Stevan Ridley, and basically Rob Gronkowski should be a badass super villain that looks and acts like J.J. Watt or Terrell Suggs.  Instead, he loves to sit naked in the middle of crowded locker rooms filled with dudes.

The other guy that ends Patriots seasons on a regular basis is a guy that isn’t even the best quarterback in his family and is routinely mocked for being goofy and stupid.  So despite all of the success the Patriots have had, these two nitwits have been responsible for costing the Patriots likely three more rings.  And if I was a Pats fan, it would drive me BONKERS.

From Beckham’s Wikipedia page:

Nq4eWXY

In case you live under a rock, and that rock blocks all cellular/WiFi signals, Odell Beckham Jr. made the 2nd best catch in NFL (and oddly enough New York Giants) history.  People will forget who won a Week 12 game between the Giants and the Cowboys.  But no one will ever forget that catch.  So in my mind, the Giants won the game.  Better luck next time, Cowgirls.

Anyway, Twitter and reddit did what they usually do, create funny content.  Here are the 13 (that’s his number and everything!) best Odell Beckham tweets/Photoshops that I saw last night:

1564614

G2UAmv8

kJcOjge

5egAKVF

IMG_5713

ozonawh

So Larry Donnell AKA The Black Voltron shouted out this reddit thread for trying to come up with a nickname for the (soon to be) greatest tight end of all-time.  I am not here to disparage anyone, but the nickname The Don would be the most basic nickname in NFL history.  The evolutionary Black Unicorn + Megatron-esque matchup nightmare  = The Black Voltron.  It is really that simple.

So what I need everyone to do is to go to that reddit thread, Donnell’s Twitter feed, and/or Donnell’s Instagram page to let him know that you want his nickname to be Black Voltron.  If not for me, then for the criminally underrated 80s cartoon and toys that we all knew and loved.  #BlackVoltron has formed.

P.S. The Voltron song was absolute FIRE.  The first rapper to make a good song with that beat wins the rap game forever.

For more unabashed Black Voltron slurping, follow me on Twitter @TheClemReport