So I was listening to JJ and Trent talk on Yuppie Junk the other day and one of the listeners wrote in saying how she only wanted to bang her co-worker if they were on his boat. Which reminded me of a few basic facts of life:
1. Girls like guys that have boats.
2. Due to this, guys that have boats are more likely to get laid than guys that don’t have boats.
3. Because of this (as well as the sheer cost to make a boat), boats are expensive.
But what if you didn’t have enough money to buy a boat to impress girls? Couldn’t you just head over to Amazon and pick up one of the floating keychain thingies like the one above, and put it on your keychain with a fake boat key (like one from a lawnmower or something)? Of course you would need a flimsy backstory about your awesome boat with it’s witty name. But that shouldn’t take more than one minute of decent thought.
Of course, this is all part of the courting game. Girls get dolled up to look more presentable. Guys lie about how successful they are. It’s just how the game works. So what’s one more little lie about owning a boat? $7 for a keychain that she will think is adorable? It would be crazy NOT to buy one of these, in my opinion. Plus, you are lying to yourself if you don’t think that whale is freaking adorable.
So the question is can a $7 floating keychain help break the ice for 1/10000th the price of owning a boat? Being a married man, I’ve been out of the game way to long to know if this would actually work. So let’s give it the old democratic smell test.
Vote Yes for “You may be onto something here, Clem”. Vote No for “Stuff it old man, this is a stupid idea”. Also, if you try this out, let me know how it goes by tweeting me @TheClemReport.
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