Posts Tagged ‘prison break’

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Time Warner News- He’s more than just a reality TV celebrity.  “People expect me to do something,” said Duane “Dog” Chapman. “Do you know what I mean?”  Chapman, better known as Dog The Bounty Hunter, and his crew are following the manhunt for the two escaped prisoners from Clinton Correctional Facility.  “The reward out there is good,” he said. “Somebody’s going to make some money to provide some information.”   Chapman said his website has been receiving two tips an hour about the whereabouts of escapees Richard Matt and David Sweat. Their investigation stepped up last week after U.S. Marshals placed the convicts on the 15 Most Wanted List.  “Once they put them on the top 15, then we’re after them but you’ve got to be very careful. You can’t go up there and jump in the cops’ crime scene or go through the cabin and look for stuff. You’ve got to be very, very careful not to step on anybody’s toes,” Chapman said.

 

This reminds me of back in 95 as MJ watched Scottie Pippen and the Bulls start to fall behind teams like the Knicks, Pacers, and Magic.  Dog is just throwing on the 4-5 and trying to lend a hand to arrest a couple of very dangerous guys.  The only difference from his show is that this isn’t bounty hunting some guy that missed his traffic court date in Hawaii.  These are two cold-blooded murderers that were able to outsmart the system and escape from prison.  If those guys see Dog The Bounty Hunter, they will definitely murder him and nobody wins in that scenario.  I don’t think any of us can handle losing Dog The Bounty Hunter and Steve Irwin in the last 10 years.  They are the Washington and Lincoln on the “Weird Job Reality Show Mount Rushmore.”

 

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Daily Mail-  Twenty-eight inmates escaped from a Brazilian jail after three women in sexy police costumes ‘seduced’ the prison wardens.  Police found three wardens naked and handcuffed inside the morning after the mass breakout at Nova Mutum public jail near Cuiaba.  Investigators say the women drugged the guards with spiked whisky after convincing them to take part in an orgy. 

They arrived at around 3am on Thursday morning and asked if they could come inside to ‘chat and drink’, police say.  The prison guards obliged and were soon persuaded to leave their posts, before heading to the sleeping quarters with the scantily clad women.  After drugging and handcuffing the wardens, they took their keys and unlocked all the prison’s cells according to police chief Angelina de Andrades Ferreira.

She told a news conference: ‘The plan was to seduce them. They served them cheap whisky with some substance to knock them out, then unlocked the central gate which accesses the internal cells. 

‘Whoever wanted to escape left by the front door. From the moment they drank the whisky the agents don’t remember a thing.   ‘One was found dizzy, trying to wake up. Another slept for the whole afternoon and couldn’t even be questioned.’

Dozens of prisoners walked straight out the main door carrying guns and ammunition they took from the prison caches.  The inmates took three 12-calibre rifles, shotguns, two 38-calibre revolvers and munition, she said.  Police later discovered a bag of lingerie and skimpy leather police uniforms which they believe the temptresses wore to distract the wardens.

 

When I first read this story, I thought “How does someone fall for a scheme like this?  That is exactly how prison breaks happen in cheesy movies”.  But then I thought “That is also exactly how orgies happen in porn movies”.  So I guess you can’t really get to upset at the prison guards in this scenario.

These guys were just manning their post at a prison that probably looks like a level from Call of Duty and a couple of big-booty Brazillian hoes showed up barely dressed and looking to party.  I mean have you ever seen Brazillian women?  It would have been weird if these guys didn’t take the bait.  Brazillian bodies were not made to fit into those outfits without dropping a man’s jaw/drawers to the floor.  Actually I don’t know how Brazillian bodies even fit in those outfits.  But that’s another blog for another time.

If anything, these guys probably thought it was a NARC test by their captain.  He wanted to know if they would be cool and participate in an orgy or would act like a Darren Rovell and tell the higher-ups what was going down.  So what if a few murderers and maniacs are now loose in Brazil.  You take the chance of getting drugged for a chance of having a legendary orgy 100 times out of 100.

And again, the whole waking up the next day naked and handcuffed to the bed is straight out of a Hollywood script.  In fact, if this plan was inspired by the scene in Son in Law when Tiffany-Amber Thiessen “seduces” Paulie Shore, it is officially replaces Shawshank’s prison break as my favorite prison break scheme in the world.  Everyone forgets that Son in Law was Kelly Kapowski’s first shot at the silver screen as she was growing into her adult body.  Good times all around*.

 

*Except for the people that now have a bunch of armed, escaped convicts in their neighborhood.  That suuuuucks.