Posts Tagged ‘review’

comp

 

Dr. Dre’s The Chronic was the first CD I ever bought and it is what turned me into the hip hop fan that I am today.  Dre was my favorite artist when I started listening to hip hop, before future favorites 2Pac, Biggie, and Jay-Z.  G Funk and Death Row were my world (well as much they can be for some white suburban kid in New York).  I never went all the way and bought a White Sox hat, mostly because I was scared of how stupid I would look when I wore it.

As for 2001, that is in my Top 5 for favorite albums ever.  Maybe it’s because it came out when I was at an age where I was starting to party more and it was chock full with party songs.  Maybe it’s because it merged the old Dre crew (Snoop, Kurupt, etc.) with the new Dre crew (Eminem, Xzibit).  Or maybe, just maybe it’s because it’s an INCREDIBLE album.  Just two instant classics by the most successful man in hip hop history (N.W.A., Death Row, Snoop, Eminem, 5o Cent, The Game, Beats By Dre, etc. etc. etc.). And this tweet was crazy and made me feel extremely old.

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Which brings us to Compton.  If you didn’t buy it, you can listen to it streaming on Apple Music here.  I was obvisouly stoked for this album to come out.  I waited for years to hear Detox.  Anytime I caught wind of a rumor about Detox, it would send me down a rabbit hole going through random hip hop sites which ended up saying something like “Xzibit said Dre is ready to drop Detox shortly.”  Which was obviously all bullshit.  Once Compton was announced out of the blue, I was thrilled and I immediately pre-ordered the album on iTunes.  But I was also a little nervous that it was coming out to help promote the N.W.A.-inspired movie Straight Outta Compton while also being tied to the newly-launched Apple Music.  But I figured Dr. Dre is a perfectionist and he would come through like he always does.

But I was wrong.  Now in my eyes, it’s not really Dre’s fault.  His albums have always been about the beats and then finding the perfect artists to rap over them.  And as always, Dre delivers with some incredible music.  Do I think there is a beat that compares to Nuthin But A ‘G’ Thang or The Next Episode?  No.  But you can still nod your head to many of the songs on the album.  The real problem lies in the voices dropping the lyrics.  Kendrick Lamar is good, even though I’ve never considered myself a Kendrick Lamar fan.  I enjoyed listening to former Dre apprentices Snoop and Eminem.  And even though he isn’t known for his rapping per se, Dre does a good job.  The best way I could put it is that hearing Dre and Kendrick on a track gave me the feeling in my stomach I would get if I picked up a star in Mario Kart.  But when other rappers came on the track, I got the feeling in my stomach that I would get after picking up a green shell or a banana.  Just disappointment while hoping things would get better soon.  When Dre did this with unknown rappers on his first two albums, it worked fine.  But a lot of those rappers would become stars, like Snoop, Kurupt, Nate Dogg (R.I.P.), Xzibit, and so on.

Now I am sure I will hear the people say that this album is about more than being good music you want to listen to, just like they say with all the new Kanye albums.  It’s about the “art” of it all.  But that’s BS.  I can listen to The Chronic and 2001 from front to back and be blown away the entire time without skipping one track.  That is simply not the case with Compton.  And it has nothing to do with me building it up too much, because 2001 was built up in my mind higher than the Empire State Building and it STILL exceed my expectations.

 

So this is how I would compare Dr. Dre’s run to real life:

The Chronic = 1st Bulls threepeat

Been There, Done That = Return wearing the 4-5

2001 = 2nd Bulls threepeat

Compton = The Wizard years

And before I get called out for being too critical for calling the album the MJ Wizard years, don’t forget that those seasons had some highlights. Like the two-handed block of Ron Mercer.

https://vine.co/v/ewMQzww7jtU/embed/postcardhttps://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

 

Anyway, after I listened to the stream, this happened:

a

 

Yup, I cancelled my preorder. I knew I would never want to listen to the album again.  If I want to hear a song, I can find it on YouTube. So yeah, thumbs down on Compton.  And it breaks my goddamn heart.

Final Rating: 6.4/10. I wish I could love it.  I truly do.  But in the end it just leaves me slightly disappointed with a bitter taste in my mouth.  Just like LeBron James’ personality.

Boom.  Roasted.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

Final Rating: 8.5/10.  Basically a Corn Nut, if you have ever had one of them.  The butter and salt flavor is real good and can lead to some good old fashioned binging.  The kernel was not too hard, which was my biggest worry going into the review.  Well my biggest worry other than the health effects of doing all these junk food reviews for the love of the game.  But that discussion is for another day.  We have a bag of partially popped popcorn to finish.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

Final Rating: 7.1/10.  S’mores are 2 things:

1. Awesomely American.

2. The epitome of a hit or miss dessert.

I have made a few s’mores the last couple of years, and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if you pull off a great s’more, it may be the king of desserts.  But the odds of doing that are slim to none.  They either get too messy, the mallow doesn’t come out right, or everything falls apart.  It was a decent try by Lunchables, but it is impossible to replace how great a roasted mallow tastes or a freshly broken Hershey bar.  And graham crackers are probably the most underrated food in the history of the world.  I am never in the mood for a graham cracker, but can easily finish a brick of them if I just have one.  A for effort, D for execution, Lunchables (I think a 71 is a D, right?).

And if these are actually considered lunch food for kids now, the diabetes numbers of today will be child’s play to what they are in 10 years.

 

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

Final Rating: 6.8/10. It’s chock full of cheese and steak, which I love. So now you are saying “Hey Clem, stop being such a nincompoop. If it has a ton of cheese and steak, it should be at least a 9.0”. But NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND. The flatbread (or whatever it is) cannot handle the weight. So everything falls apart. Plus it’s just kind of bland. It need a little more flavor in it. Maybe a hint of sour cream or nacho cheese to kick it up a notch.  How about some bacon bits?  Potatoes?  Get creative, Taco Bell. If I am going to put my intestines through the trauma of a Taco Bell run, I want it to be worth it.

 

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 


Final Rating: 1,000,000/10.  It is true what they say.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Just tasting that crispy and chocolate concoction under the thin candy shell made all the grave injustices of the world go away for just one moment.  Thank you M&Ms by admitting you were a bunch of moronothons for getting rid of Crispy M&Ms.  And since I was asked to rank my M&M flavors last week, here is my Top 5 M&M flavors:

Did not make the cut: Mint, Dark Chocolate, Almonds, Birthday Cake, Candy Corn, etc.

5. Crispy: Did I just give these a one million rating and now ranked them only 5?  Sure did.  That’s just how I roll.  I had to prove a point to the pencil-neck geeks at M&M’s that took the crispy flavor off the shelf.  But now it’s back to reality.

4. Peanut Butter: They are a pretty solid candy, but every time I eat them, I think about how much more I wish I was eating Reese’s Pieces.  Is that fair?  No.  But I don’t make the rules in the candy game.  I just follow them to a tee as I hammer through reviews.

3. Milk Chocolate: Timeless and classic.

2. Pretzel: Criminally underrated in the M&M game and the candy game in general.  Doubles as both a candy and a legit snack.  Plus salty and sweet is what’s hot in the streets these days.

1. Peanut: When I was young, Peanut M&Ms were gross.  They seemed like the adult, “healthier” version of M&Ms.  But you really respect the punch that a peanut can pack as you get older.  And there are a bunch of different ways to eat Peanut M&Ms.  Eat the candy, save the peanut.  Suck it down to the peanut.  Split the peanut in half.  The possibilities are endless.

 

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

FullSizeRender

Rating: 8.6/10.  Not as tasty or soft as Orange, but still pretty damn good.  I still don’t understand why grape is such a great candy flavor.  Actually, any grape candy should just be called purple.  Purple is a great candy flavor.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.