Posts Tagged ‘tom brady’

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No one makes kind of adorable, Seahawks Skittles girl sad on my watch and gets away with it. Am I happy that Richard Sherman and the 12s are crying in their Starbucks this morning? You’re God damn right.  But this girl is cute as a button, especially with that Skittles eye-black on.

Do I think red eye-black doesn’t do a very job of preventing glare?  Of course!  But I can overlook that stuff in the name of cuteness.  For example, I hate cats with every fiber of my being. But I would have to be a cold-blooded asshole to hate kittens.  So I can forgive wearing red eye-black on the biggest game of the year, just because this girl is a legit cutie pie.  That being said, I really hope she isn’t crying on the shoulder of some emo Seattle-ite.  Is that even what they are called?  There are more questions than answers after that Super Bowl.

 

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This is the time of year when everyone is announcing their favorite prop bets.  I took a quick glance at BetOnline.com and picked out my five favorite/most ridiculous novelty props.  In semi-related news, I took Tim Wright +2500 to score the first touchdown and LOVED the pick as a longshot bet.  But the last few days, I have heard at least four different TV shows/podcasts say they loved the bet as well, which means I am screwed.

Anyway, onto the props!

1.   cleav

This is the question everyone has been talking about since the minute Katy Perry was announced as the Halftime Show performer.  If you bet the No, you hate happiness, fun, and freedom (in that order).

Clem’s Pick: YES (-700).  And a resounding Yes at that.  Katy is pumped.

2. perry

Katy Perry has legs/knees?  You learn something new every day.  As we said in prop #1, Katy is going to show the puppies off.  -700 tells us that much.  But there is no way the NFL is going to green light way too much skin after the year they just had.  After half the NFL was arrested for domestic abuse and all the stupid deflategate talk, the NFL is going to make Katy go somewhat conservative.

Clem’s Pick: Give me Pants (Below the knees) at +350, and I’m not too happy about it.

3. spin

If only Steve Smith Sr. was playing in the game.  Under 20 1/2 seconds would be the pick.  Senior is the best ball-spinner in the league.  Unfortunately, Stevie Smiff isn’t in the game.  But just the fact we can root for someone to spin a ball makes me proud to be an American.  I bet ISIS hates that we can bet on stuff like this.

Clem’s Pick: Under 20 1/2 Minutes Elapsed.  Seattle oozes swag, and spinning the ball is a swagalicious moves out there.  And if you can’t tell, I really miss Steve Smith in my life every Sunday.

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4.conf

This one made my brain explode.  I am not a college football fan, but I know the Pac-12 doesn’t get a ton of love.  But then you think about the players that are most likely to score a TD (Gronk, Lynch, Baldwin, Blount) and you realize that they are all Pac-12 guys.  It just goes to show you that Minor League Football is crazier than any of us know (that was just a dig at people who think College Football is better than NFL Football).

Clem’s Pick: Let’s get nutty.  I am going to pick the Big Ten and hope one of the QBs can sneak one in.  Tom Brady is the king of the short yardage dive, and Russy Wilson could scramble his way to a long TD.  Do the God damn thing, fellas.

5. sleeves

I am really torn on this one.  I want Belichick to turn the world on its head and come out fully sleeved.  But I also have a gut feeling that the NFL’s Emperor Palpaltine is not going to shake the apple cart.  He NEEEEEDS this Super Bowl win, since it will probably be the last one he has a chance to win.  Because noted Patriots killer Eli Manning will be leading the Giants and Odell Beckham Jr. to the big game for the foreseeable future.

Clem’s Pick:  Sleeves.  Lets get crazy, William! 

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Enjoy the game, commercials, food and most importantly the booze on Sunday!

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Yahoo- “One of the biggest things I do, and I’ve done it my whole career … in college and high school … when I get into the facility, I’ll get in the hot tub, shower and then go to my locker and just sit in my jockstrap,” Pollard said, after making sure it was OK to tell the truth to the assembled crowd. “In Baltimore, all the guys would time me, on how long I was naked or in a jock. I think it got up to 38 minutes one time. I’m a nudist.”

While Bernard’s definition of a nudist is different than most, I have to admit that the headline was pretty funny.  Because the guy who in different years has ended the seasons of Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Stevan Ridley, and basically Rob Gronkowski should be a badass super villain that looks and acts like J.J. Watt or Terrell Suggs.  Instead, he loves to sit naked in the middle of crowded locker rooms filled with dudes.

The other guy that ends Patriots seasons on a regular basis is a guy that isn’t even the best quarterback in his family and is routinely mocked for being goofy and stupid.  So despite all of the success the Patriots have had, these two nitwits have been responsible for costing the Patriots likely three more rings.  And if I was a Pats fan, it would drive me BONKERS.

(Turn on the sound in both Vines for full effect)

For more reveling in Patriots misery, follow me on Twitter @TheClemReport