David Letterman Retiring in 2015. 1994 Me Cries Himself To Sleep.

Posted: April 3, 2014 in TV
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NY Daily News:  David Letterman has announced his retirement.  The gap-toothed comic, a favorite of Johnny Carson, will hang up his Top Ten list and Stupid Pet Tricks in 2015, he shared with the audience at the taping of tonight’s “Late Show.”  Letterman said his first call was to CBS chief, Les Moonves.

“He and I have had a relationship for years and years and years, and we have had this conversation in the past, and we agreed that we would work together on this circumstance and the timing of this circumstance. And I phoned him just before the program, and I said ‘Leslie, it’s been great, you’ve been great, and the network has been great, but I’m retiring,'” said Letterman.  “I just want to reiterate my thanks for the support from the network, all of the people who have worked here, all of the people in the theater, all the people on the staff, everybody at home, thank you very much. What this means now, is that Paul and I can be married.”

Letterman added, “We don’t have the timetable for this precisely down – I think it will be at least a year or so, but sometime in the not too distant future, 2015 for the love of God, in fact, Paul and I will be wrapping things up,” he added, to a standing ovation from the audience in the Ed Sullivan Theater.  Mike Mills, bassist for tonight’s musical guest REM, broke the news on Twitter.  Letterman is the longest-serving late-night host in TV history, last year surpassing his friend and mentor Johnny Carson at the 31-year mark. His verion of NBC’s “Late Show” debuted in 1982.

This is one of those things that surprises you but doesn’t really SHOCK you.  As a longtime Letterman fan, it definitely felt like he had lost his fastball, as well as most of his secondary pitches over the last few years.  Obviously in his prime he was a Hall of Famer.  The guy changed the way these late night shows worked, going off the cuff and getting all kinds of weird with some of his skits.  Pure genius.  But it has been a while since he was consistently entertaining, and some of the new hosts/shows are just running circles aroung him creatively.  When push comes to shove, I wonder if he ever got over getting snaked out of the Tonight Show by Jay Leno and NBC.  F that big chinned bastard.

Anyway, here’s my Top 10 late night hosts you would want to hang out with off camera:

10. Carson Daly- The man who haunted my teenage afternoons with boy band and Korn music videos on TRL tried his hand at a late night show.  Either a real cool, down to Earth guy or an arrogant bastard.  I really can’t decide, but the fact he once had a nose ring isn’t helping his cause.

9. Arsenio Hall- Old Arsenio would be Top 5, but this new Arsenio just seems a little weird to me.  If we are being honest, the original Arsenio probably died in the 90s and this newest version is a robot.

8.  Jimmy Fallon- Has some funny 90s nostalgia, but his gimmick would wear thin real quick.  Always jumpy and seems to have a schtick on at all times.  Scores points for being from New York.

7. David Letterman- Clearly an old curmudgeon, but if you were able to talk to him about the crazy shit they did back in the 80s, the stories would be worth it.  If you hit a ball into his yard, he would never let you come over to get it.  But damn, that dude was funny back in the day.

6. Seth Meyers- Always seems pretty down to Earth and would clearly be more fun to be around than Fallon and Letterman.  Still not 100% sure about him though, since he has only been on TV so long.  Killed it during the White House Correspondents Dinner.

5. Pete Holmes- Easily the most underrated host on this list.  Watch this interview with James Harden and try not to laugh.  Pete Holmes is going to be a star.  The last time I said that about someone, they hosted the Super Bowl Halftime Show 2 years later.

4.  Stephen Colbert- Good dude, basically just as cool as Jon Stewart.  Clearly seems zanier and can always get half of America riled up pretty easily.

3.  Jon Stewart- Wins the tiebreaker with Colbert for being the first to have a show.  Also, is a Mets fan and was in Big Daddy.  Would definitely be cracking jokes on me in his head because he is so much smarter.

2. Conan O’Brien- Self loathing as hell and a legitimate giant in real life.  Asking him Simpsons questions like The Chris Farley Show would be amazing.

1. Jimmy Kimmel-  Easily seems like the coolest guy of the bunch.  Was responsible for The Man Show and Girls Jumping On Trampolines.  Enough said.

 

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