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ESPN- Major League Baseball enjoyed the two greatest words in all of sports with a Game 7 in the World Series on Wednesday, but LeBron James believes his regular-season opener with the Cleveland Cavaliers has the potential to draw even more attention.

“For me, I know all of us shouldn’t take this moment for granted,” James said after shootaround Thursday in advance of the Cavs’ home game against the New York Knicks. “This is probably one of the biggest sporting events that is up there ever.”

The Miracle On Ice.  Super Bowl XLII.  Game 6 of the 1986 World Series.  The Thrilla In Manilla.  And of course, Knicks @ Cavs on 10/30/14.  Just a collection of the biggest and best games ever.

Bron Bron, why do you do this to yourself?  Everyone in the entire WORLD loved you until you pulled the rug out from under the with The Decision and The Welcome Party.  Then you leave Miami, go back home, and everyone decided to forgive and forget.  And this is how you repay us?  A million commercials about your return home and saying things like tonight’s game “is probably one of the biggest sporting events that is up there ever”.

I am officially out on The Return (and I want to kill myself for capitalizing The Return.  Ugh, I just did it again!).  This is all about marketing and making a brand name.  Just like Carmelo didn’t come back to NYC for the money, LeBron didn’t go back to Cleveland to win them a championship.  He went back to make himself a global icon.  Anyone who doesn’t believe that is a sheep.  So if you want to believe in LeBron, go put on your Cavs jersey and eat your blue raspberry Blow Pops.  Because the only people that are bigger sheep than LeBron fans are people who think Blue Razz tastes good.

 

When I closed my eyes, I could have sworn that Christopher Wallace was spitting hot fire again.  Nope, just a 70+ year old Cuban immigrant on a sparsely watched ESPN show.  However, I can’t lie, I was pretty disappointed when I realized Papi wasn’t going to rap any Bone Thugs lines.  I have listened to “Notorious Thugs” roughly 10,000 times and I still just grunt noises whenever the Bone Thugs parts come on.  Being disappointed that Dan Le Batard’s dad didn’t break down the lyrics to a timeless hip hop classic is #WhitePeopleProblems like you read about.

Say what you want about Michael Kay, but he is an annoying moron that isn’t even a pimple on Mike Francesa’s fanny. Kay can tell you how many gray hairs Derek Jeter has on his face, but he can’t recognize the voice of the guy who hands him his lunch every day in the ratings? What an uttuh, uttuh disastuh *handwave*.  You come at Numbah One, you best not miss.

What the HELL was that?!?!  Before I posted this blog, I thought about ignoring the commercial because they may have purposely made it so comically bad to ensure it would trend.  But the majority of people who actually vote don’t actively read blogs or use Twitter.  Since I am not a sheep, my vote is up for grabs until the minute I go into a voting booth.  I don’t vote by party, I vote on the issues at hand (AKA read about them 2 minutes before I vote).

However, if you are a complete muckraker (and especially if you use awful boloney puns), I will vote against you on principle alone.  So congrats Sean Maloney, you have your first vote of the election.  I hope you aren’t a complete asshole.

P.S. I believe that all politicians are crooks and I hate politics.  I sincerely hope this is the last political blog I ever write.  I am Clem and I begrudgingly approve this blog post.

Carmelo Anthony

via reddit (duh)

So Alan Hahn did a reddit AMA a few weeks ago and I finally got around to checking it out. Hahn was peppered with questions about the 2015 Free Agency class because that’s what life is like for Knicks fans now. Here were his answers:

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hahngasol2hahngasolkd   hahndurant

Nothing really groundbreaking, but I completely agree with Hahn’s take.  There is almost no chance that Durant comes to New York and plays in a crazy market with a dipshit owner.  The one X-Factor is that Phil is a great basketball mind that can probably talk up superstars better than any other executive in the league.  Pat Riley recruited LeBron James by talking about Michael Jordan and legacies.  Well Phil helped put those 6 rings on MJ’s hands (and vice versa, obviously).  Add in the 7 Phil won with the Knicks and Lakers, and you have to think that any player that wants to win titles will at least give the Zen Master a chance to plead his case.   There is already one superstar here in Melo, so if KD wants to come here, it wouldn’t be the craziest idea in the world.

But Durant strikes me as a guy who either stays loyal and re-signs with Oklahoma City or goes home like LeBron and plays for the Wizards.  Making Marc Gasol the priority is the best option and probably the best fit for the Knicks.  A team running Phil Jackson’s triangle offense with an elite scorer and a Gasol brother won the Lakers two championships.  Granted, there were also players like Ron Artest, Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum, and Derek Fisher in the mix.  But getting one of the best centers in the league to pair with Melo would be a hell of a start to competing in the East with LeBron and the Cavs.

A few other “highlights” from the AMA:

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This has to be the all-time worst answer to the question “What is your best Clyde story?”.  Clyde Frazier was stylin’ and profilin’ in Paris, and the best story you have is that you walked around and took pictures?  What an absolute crock of horse shit.  I want to hear that Clyde and Hahn hit a dozen French brothels and partied like it was the 1973.  Unacceptable.

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Rirruto10 comes in hot with that question and Hahn throws it right back in his face.  Rirruto is lucky that Hahn didn’t knock his block off for chirping at his “sisters” like that.  And for the record, homey is spelled H-O-M-E-Y.

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A great question by Mommy_Fucked_Gandhi.  And Alan’s answer just ripped open a huge scab in my Knicks fan soul.  I am going to go stare out my window drink a fifth of vodka as I try to get 2-18 out of my head now.

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Eater- Social media sites are abuzz with the news that Taco Bell has blacked out its online presence in an effort to promote its new app, rumored to be launching later today. Taco Bell changed its Twitter handle to @totallynothere so as to make it appear that it has erased all content. Its official Twitter account has been blacked out. Content on the company’s Facebook page has been deleted and all images have been blacked out. On Instagram, Taco Bell released a series of black and white text-based images with the hashtag #onlyintheapp. Taco Bell’s website, a hub for its menu, franchisee information, press releases, and investor news, has also been blacked out.

Rumors have been swirling about Taco Bell’s new app since news of its forthcoming release was announced earlier this year. Though fans may be able to connect to each other via the mobile app, its unlikely to replace Taco Bell’s Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook presence for good. The app will push Taco Bell ahead of some of its competitors by allowing users to order food ahead, and by notifying users of when their order is ready to be picked up. Payment options will also be streamlined through the app, though its unclear if Taco Bell has partnered with a related service such as Square or Apple Pay or if it has designed its own payment processing system.

This is an absolute game changer for fast food.  I always found it fascinating that people could get stoned and make a rational decision at Taco Bell.  Whenever I go there sober, I turn into a pile of mush just staring at all the options on the menu.  Finally I just enter freak mode and order a chalupa, a Dorito taco, and a few random sides.  Now you can pick as many items as you would like right as the THC is entering your brain.  What a time we live in.  There are three clear winners from this announcement:

1. Taco Bell (duh)- More time to order = more food ordered.  It really is that simple.  Have you ever ordered Chinese food with a group of people?  It goes from everyone ordering their own meal to just a complete food orgy.

2. Big and Tall stores- These places are about to gain a bunch of some new customers because of #1.  Winter weather + Taco Bell mobile ordering = Biggest bulking season ever.

3. Plumbers- I don’t think I really need to explain this one.  But instead of blacking out their social media, I think they should have given away black toilet seats.  It is about to get very real in bathrooms across our great nation.

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Platinum > Lead, by the way.  “Ray, when someone asks you if the Bears are going to beat the Patriots today, you say YES”.   Bill Murray is the fucking man.

Update: No.

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