Introducing The Newest, Greatest MTV: The Challenge Podcast Ever. “No Quitters”

https://soundcloud.com/kfc-radio/no-quitters-meet-the-cast

MTV: The Challenge is the best reality show on TV. You can talk about The Bachelor, The Real World, or any other show. But The Challenge is the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. And on December 2nd, we are #blessed to have the 27th(!!!) season of the challenge debut. Think of it as the best early Christmas (or Hanukkah, Kwanza, Festivus) gift you have ever received in your life.

Since podcasting is what’s hot in the streets these days, Big Cat, Connor and myself decided to tape a podcast discussing this season’s Challenge.  We talk about every cast member from this season along with some of our favorite memories of Challenge past. Now before you listen to the podcast above, make sure you check out the trailer and the Meet The Cast videos below (I had to link to the Meet The Cast special since MTV ain’t bout that Embed life)

 

Watch the Meet The Cast special by clicking here.

 

Another glorious season of Challenge memories are ahead for us.  So follow us on Twitter at the handle @NoQuittersPod and don’t quit on us, we won’t quit on you.

 

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Of Course A Man Caught A Three-Eyed Fish In Brooklyn

Eyewitness News– Video from an Eyewitness News viewer shows what appears to be a three-eyed catfish that was captured in the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn. Greg Hunter, who shot the video, said a bunch of people crowded around the man who caught it.

“Some lady was flipping out cause he wacked it dead and she said they were trying to preserve the remaining wildlife there or something,” said Hunter in an email. “It was a crazy scene.” According to Hunter, the fisherman who caught it said he was planning to eat it.

 

Ahhh, New York City. The city so nice they have fish growing extra eyes like a character from the goddamn Simpsons. I guess paying a shit ton of rent for a shoebox apartment in a city full of pests doesn’t get you what it used to.  And how about this goddamn guy planning to eat the fish?  Such a New York move.  We are able to put the smelly homeless people and overcrowded trains out of our mind as long as we can get some moments of peace fishing out of the Gowanus Canal and eat some sort of mutant animal with our family.  I ❤ NY.

 

P.S. That better not be one of those googly eyes from arts & crafts class glued to a fish.  That would be the meanest Internet hoax ever.  Killing a fish and gluing a googly eye to it’s head is pure evil.

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15 Second Food Review: Burger King Halloween Whopper

Final Rating: 6.2/10. Burger King could have gotten away with a below average effort if they just made a Whopper with a black bun.  Who doesn’t love food coloring?  Green beer on St. Patty’s Day is the tits!  But if you are going to load a burger with A1 sauce and say the bun is “infused with A1 sauce”, you need to bring your fastball.  And The King didn’t.  Be better, Burger King.  (PS: That is black bun in my teeth.  I promise you my mouth is not rotting, even if I patently refuse to floss)

On a positive note, at least I found out this lovely tidbit after eating the Halloween Whopper.  I should be in for a nice treat in a few hours (probably less than that if we are being honest, since it is Burger King after all)

 

To view the rest of my 15 second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

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The Impossible Question: Who Is Your Least Favorite Seinfeld Character?

Every season, my fantasy baseball league has a theme for team names.  Each year, you rename your team based on that theme.  Last year was Seinfeld.  And I’m not talking just Seinfeld characters.  You could be David Putty or you could be the Urban Sombrero.  There was obviously no shortage of incredible options.  Because if you ask a group of people what their favorite Seinfeld episode/character/storyline/etc. is, you will get a ton of different answers.

But I kind of went the other way here.  Who is your LEAST favorite character?  I do actually think there is one clear answer, but I may be wrong. So much on that show was great, especially if the character was a terrible person. So write in your answer below, Google Forms will add everything up and yada yada yada we will have our answer for who the worst Seinfeld character is/was.

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The Clem Report’s Review Of The 2015 Lay’s “Do Us A Flavor” Finalists

Big day at the Casa de Clem today. Big day! pic.twitter.com/C0tjaHbkVM

— Clem (@TheClemReport) September 15, 2015

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Last year, I did a review of all the flavors for the Lay’s Do Us A Flavor contest, which helped get me started down this long, cholesterol-raising road of food reviews.  So being the man of honor that I strive to be, I have decided to do the reviews with the four new flavors of 2015: Southern Biscuits And Gravy, West Coast Truffle Fries, New York Ruben, and Greektown Gyro.  Onto the reviews.

Southern Biscuits And Gravy:

Rating: 7.8

Pretty damn good.  They kinda tasted like the turkey and gravy chips I reviewed at Thanksgiving time.    Are they better than last year’s winner (in my mind at least) Bacon Mac N Cheese?  Nope.  Or Cappuccino?  Probably not.  But they are decent.  And any time you get to listen to a little bit of Ludacris as you eat junk food, life isn’t all that bad.

West Coast Truffle Fries:

Rating: 4.2

Now this one broke my heart.  Whenever someone orders truffle fries for the table, I will likely say something like “Oh, that’s cool.  I’ll probably have a couple.”  And then I do not hear another word of conversation at the table until the fries arrive because they are all I am thinking about.  So yeah, I like truffle fries.  But these things were a goddamn traveshamockery on that wonderful food.  

New York Reuben:

Rating: 1.2.  

The brief whiff of these chips almost made me throw up.  But I gave them a shot anyway.  As you can see in the video, it’s a gradual decline from tasting to disliking to pure hatred.  When I say it tasted like a subway, I meant one of those subway trains where there is a homeless person that is asleep/dead in the corner and you can never get that smell out of your nose.  Yup, that bad.

Greektown Gyro:

Rating: 0. Zero. A goddamn goose egg. The worst actual food I have ever tasted.  Bigfoot’s dick level of disgusting.

 

So there are my reviews for this batch of Lay’s Do Us A Flavor chips. To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click play below or select the video you would like to watch by clicking the icon in the upper-lefthand corner and choose a review.

 

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Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy That Dug Up His Father’s Grave Just So He Could Win An Argument With Him?

The Mirror- A man has been arrested amid claims he tried to drunkenly dig up his dead dad’s grave – so he could argue with him. Michael Dale May was found by police in the Pilot Baptist Church cemetery in Stanford, Kentucky, US, on Monday night. Lincoln County Constable Delbert Mitchell said he went to investigate after spotting a truck parked outside the church. The sheriff’s deputy, who knows May, told local news station LEX 18 that he called out to the 44-year-old, who told him that he was trying to dig up his late father. Constable suggested May, who appeared to be “under the influence” was eager to finish an argument with his dad. He said: “He told me he was trying to dig his dad up, so his dad could go to heaven.” May reportedly told authorities that he dad died around 30 years ago.

 

I don’t know how anyone could give this guy shit for digging up his dad to finish an argument.  Because everybody knows that the only thing worse than having a family member die is to think of an awesome way to win an argument against a family member and never have the chance to see their face when you drop it on them.  Argument blue balls are the worrrrrst.  So whatever hate this guy had to get out of his heart should have been let out and kept between him and the dusty remains of his father.

But even if they put Michael Dale May under the jail, they will never be able to get that satisfied look off of his face.  That look says “My dad may have been worm food for the last 30 years, but he now knows I was right about that drunk political argument we had during the Lions game from Thanksgiving of 1983.”  Pure satisfaction.

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Did Suge Knight Admit To Injecting Eazy-E With AIDS On Jimmy Kimmel Back In 2003?

Wait, what?!?  Granted this video is more than 10 years old and Eazy-E died 20 years ago, but can you really put anything past Suge Knight?  I went to see Straight Outta Compton the other night and was scared of Suge Knight the entire time, and that was while he was being played by an actor in a movie.  Cigar in mouth, dressed head-to-toe in red, cocky as hell.  He is and always will be the scariest dude on the planet.

And to be honest, you could sell me on the fact that Suge Knight has committed any murder that he wasn’t in prison for (and was the mastermind behind every murder that happened while he was in prison).  I bet if you gave Sarah Koenig and Serial some time, we could have Suge in prison for the murder of Hae.  Suge Knight is to violence what Mike Trout is to baseball.  There are really no limits to his abilities.  Just a once in a lifetime talent.  Injecting someone with AIDS during the mid-90’s would be a reach for basically every other person on the planet other than Suge Knight.

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Impossible Music Question: Ignition Remix vs. Yeah!

So last week I put Ignition Remix up against I’m Real Remix and I heard a lot of chirping that Ignition Remix could not be beat in a Best Song contest. It’s the GOAT.  The R cannot possibly be touched. Yada, yada, yada. So lets see if Ignition Remix can take down some more heavy hitters.  First up is Yeah!, which dominated the music scene along with Ignition Remix back in 2004.  So here we go.  Ignition Remix vs. Yeah!  Which is the better song?

Ignition Remix

Vs.

Yeah!

My Review For Dr. Dre’s Final Album: “Compton”

 

Dr. Dre’s The Chronic was the first CD I ever bought and it is what turned me into the hip hop fan that I am today.  Dre was my favorite artist when I started listening to hip hop, before future favorites 2Pac, Biggie, and Jay-Z.  G Funk and Death Row were my world (well as much they can be for some white suburban kid in New York).  I never went all the way and bought a White Sox hat, mostly because I was scared of how stupid I would look when I wore it.

As for 2001, that is in my Top 5 for favorite albums ever.  Maybe it’s because it came out when I was at an age where I was starting to party more and it was chock full with party songs.  Maybe it’s because it merged the old Dre crew (Snoop, Kurupt, etc.) with the new Dre crew (Eminem, Xzibit).  Or maybe, just maybe it’s because it’s an INCREDIBLE album.  Just two instant classics by the most successful man in hip hop history (N.W.A., Death Row, Snoop, Eminem, 5o Cent, The Game, Beats By Dre, etc. etc. etc.). And this tweet was crazy and made me feel extremely old.

Jon Stewart took over The Daily Show same year Dr. Dre's '2001' came out. His last episode aired same day Dre's final album released. 16 yrs

— B. Jenkins (@Jersey_Jinx) August 7, 2015

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Which brings us to Compton.  If you didn’t buy it, you can listen to it streaming on Apple Music here.  I was obvisouly stoked for this album to come out.  I waited for years to hear Detox.  Anytime I caught wind of a rumor about Detox, it would send me down a rabbit hole going through random hip hop sites which ended up saying something like “Xzibit said Dre is ready to drop Detox shortly.”  Which was obviously all bullshit.  Once Compton was announced out of the blue, I was thrilled and I immediately pre-ordered the album on iTunes.  But I was also a little nervous that it was coming out to help promote the N.W.A.-inspired movie Straight Outta Compton while also being tied to the newly-launched Apple Music.  But I figured Dr. Dre is a perfectionist and he would come through like he always does.

But I was wrong.  Now in my eyes, it’s not really Dre’s fault.  His albums have always been about the beats and then finding the perfect artists to rap over them.  And as always, Dre delivers with some incredible music.  Do I think there is a beat that compares to Nuthin But A ‘G’ Thang or The Next Episode?  No.  But you can still nod your head to many of the songs on the album.  The real problem lies in the voices dropping the lyrics.  Kendrick Lamar is good, even though I’ve never considered myself a Kendrick Lamar fan.  I enjoyed listening to former Dre apprentices Snoop and Eminem.  And even though he isn’t known for his rapping per se, Dre does a good job.  The best way I could put it is that hearing Dre and Kendrick on a track gave me the feeling in my stomach I would get if I picked up a star in Mario Kart.  But when other rappers came on the track, I got the feeling in my stomach that I would get after picking up a green shell or a banana.  Just disappointment while hoping things would get better soon.  When Dre did this with unknown rappers on his first two albums, it worked fine.  But a lot of those rappers would become stars, like Snoop, Kurupt, Nate Dogg (R.I.P.), Xzibit, and so on.

Now I am sure I will hear the people say that this album is about more than being good music you want to listen to, just like they say with all the new Kanye albums.  It’s about the “art” of it all.  But that’s BS.  I can listen to The Chronic and 2001 from front to back and be blown away the entire time without skipping one track.  That is simply not the case with Compton.  And it has nothing to do with me building it up too much, because 2001 was built up in my mind higher than the Empire State Building and it STILL exceed my expectations.

 

So this is how I would compare Dr. Dre’s run to real life:

The Chronic = 1st Bulls threepeat

Been There, Done That = Return wearing the 4-5

2001 = 2nd Bulls threepeat

Compton = The Wizard years

And before I get called out for being too critical for calling the album the MJ Wizard years, don’t forget that those seasons had some highlights. Like the two-handed block of Ron Mercer.

https://vine.co/v/ewMQzww7jtU/embed/postcardhttps://platform.vine.co/static/scripts/embed.js

 

Anyway, after I listened to the stream, this happened:

 

Yup, I cancelled my preorder. I knew I would never want to listen to the album again.  If I want to hear a song, I can find it on YouTube. So yeah, thumbs down on Compton.  And it breaks my goddamn heart.

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Did I Think Of The Greatest Pick Up Move In The History Of The World?

So I was listening to JJ and Trent talk on Yuppie Junk the other day and one of the listeners wrote in saying how she only wanted to bang her co-worker if they were on his boat.  Which reminded me of a few basic facts of life:

1. Girls like guys that have boats.

2. Due to this, guys that have boats are more likely to get laid than guys that don’t have boats.

3. Because of this (as well as the sheer cost to make a boat), boats are expensive.

But what if you didn’t have enough money to buy a boat to impress girls?  Couldn’t you just head over to Amazon and pick up one of the floating keychain thingies like the one above, and put it on your keychain with a fake boat key (like one from a lawnmower or something)?  Of course you would need a flimsy backstory about your awesome boat with it’s witty name.  But that shouldn’t take more than one minute of decent thought.

Of course, this is all part of the courting game.  Girls get dolled up to look more presentable.  Guys lie about how successful they are.  It’s just how the game works.  So what’s one more little lie about owning a boat?  $7 for a keychain that she will think is adorable?  It would be crazy NOT to buy one of these, in my opinion.  Plus, you are lying to yourself if you don’t think that whale is freaking adorable.

So the question is can a $7 floating keychain help break the ice for 1/10000th the price of owning a boat?  Being a married man, I’ve been out of the game way to long to know if this would actually work.  So let’s give it the old democratic smell test.

Vote Yes for “You may be onto something here, Clem”.  Vote No for “Stuff it old man, this is a stupid idea”.  Also, if you try this out, let me know how it goes by tweeting me @TheClemReport.

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