I love everything about this video.  It calls out the subway for what it really is: One of the worst places on Earth.  The only beefs that I have with Johnny T are that his accent is a little extreme and he is a spineless Yankees fan.  But his rules were very accurate.  Here are a few that Johnny left out:

1. If all the subway cars of a train are full except for one, DO NOT GO IN THAT CAR.  Because there is a dead homeless person inside that smells like shit.  Actually smells like shit is wrong.  They smell like dead homeless person, which is a very unique smell that you will never know (or forget) until you actually smell it.

2. If you are going on the 7 train, you will be swarmed by Asians the same way NYC was swarmed by killer bees in the Wu-Tang Triumph video.  Just close your eyes and protect ya neck.

3. Do not ever look a street performer in the eyes. Their lifeless, soulless glance will actually make you think about paying $1 for that absolutely horrific rendition of Jingle Bells.  You must put your headphones in and glue your eyes to the floor the second that glorified pan-handler asks for everyone’s attention.

And while Johnny T did a bang up job, we can all agree that nothing beats Kneehigh Park when it comes to learning about life in the city.

<em>h/t <a href=”http://twitter.com/lowballj”>@lowballj</a&gt; for the link</em>

<a class=”twitter-follow-button” href=”https://twitter.com/TheClemReport”>Follow @TheClemReport</a>
<script type=”text/javascript”>// </script>

B46PhkqIAAENXLt-480x310

F you, Wal-Mart.  The last thing I needed after a close loss and another Melo hat was to see Jeremy Lin’s face laughing at me.  Linsanity was basically the polar opposite of the current state of Knicks basketball.  A bunch of straight up nerds (Lin, Landry Fields, and Steve Novak) winning games they had no business winning as The Garden completely ate it up.  Then we let Lin go for nothing and brought back Fatboy Ray Felton to run the point.

Fast forward to today and we have a team that isn’t even trying to tank losing every game in the most heartbreaking fashion possible.  And I understand that this was probably a mistake made by some Wal-Mart employee making $3 per hour.  But I would hope that Carmelo Anthony is a big enough name to know that he isn’t an Asian basketball player, let alone that his name is not Anthony Carmelo.  But this is just sad.

nick

IGN- Jeffrey Donovan, who spent seven seasons as the star of USA’s Burn Notice, is joining the cast of FX’s Fargo for its second season. Plus, according to The Wrap, Parks and Recreation’s Nick Offerman has been offered a role – though he’s not currently in negotiations.

Donovan will be playing a character named “Dodd.” No other details have been provided about the character. The same goes for the role Offerman is being sought for, which is “Carl.”

I gotta say, Nick Offerman was born to play a midwestern cop in a dark comedy.  He has the personality, acting chops, and killer stache needed for a quirky show like Fargo.  Plus, he is from Illinois and has the face of someone that has eaten more sausages and cured meats in his life than he’d care to admit.  I have only seen a few episodes of Parks and Rec, but Ron Swanson steals the show every damn time.  Do the right thing Nick and accept the role.  It is your density.

The only person that would be a better fit for a role on Fargo is the mom from Bobby’s World. She had the perfect accent and was always freaking pregnant.   And Bobby’s brother Derek had to be the inspiration for the Billy Bob character from Season 1, right?  Just a diabolical asshole that wanted to watch the world burn.

 

Damn, that show was awesome.  I immediately went down a Bobby’s World YouTube wormhole and found the old intro.  Straight fire.

 

And you may ask, who wrote such a great theme song?  There is only one answer, my friends.

tesh

TESHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

1028-dunkin-cronut-inline-315

You have to give it to Dunkin’ Donuts.  It only took them a year and a half to come out with an imitation Cronut.  Being the tireless blogger that I am, I have decided to add another chin to my resume’ in order to try out this “new” creation.  Two things you should know about the Croissant Donut:

1. It was $2.50.  Regular donuts at Double D’s are $0.99.  So I thought my reaction was pretty fair:

2. It came in a fancy box.  Once I paid the small fortune for the donut, I was happily surprised to see that my money went to good use.  This donut is apparently bougie as hell.

On to the review.

 

Review: The dirty secret about Dunkin’ Donuts is that they aren’t actually very good at making donuts.  Give me Entenmann’s, Krispy Kreme, or almost anyone else’s donuts over DD’s.  That being said, this is a legit donut.  It tastes like a thicker Krispy Kreme donut, which is definitely a good thing.  Dunkin’ Donuts trying to get all fancy is like the kid from the wrong side of the tracks trying to impress the uptown girl.  It may be lipstick on a pig, but it works.

Rating: 8.5/10.

For more 15 second food reviews, check out and subscribe to my Youtube Channel or watch below:

jpeg-480x360

Yahoo- “One of the biggest things I do, and I’ve done it my whole career … in college and high school … when I get into the facility, I’ll get in the hot tub, shower and then go to my locker and just sit in my jockstrap,” Pollard said, after making sure it was OK to tell the truth to the assembled crowd. “In Baltimore, all the guys would time me, on how long I was naked or in a jock. I think it got up to 38 minutes one time. I’m a nudist.”

While Bernard’s definition of a nudist is different than most, I have to admit that the headline was pretty funny.  Because the guy who in different years has ended the seasons of Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Stevan Ridley, and basically Rob Gronkowski should be a badass super villain that looks and acts like J.J. Watt or Terrell Suggs.  Instead, he loves to sit naked in the middle of crowded locker rooms filled with dudes.

The other guy that ends Patriots seasons on a regular basis is a guy that isn’t even the best quarterback in his family and is routinely mocked for being goofy and stupid.  So despite all of the success the Patriots have had, these two nitwits have been responsible for costing the Patriots likely three more rings.  And if I was a Pats fan, it would drive me BONKERS.

B3x9p_qIgAArlYZ

I admit this one hurts as a Giants fan, but when you lose to the 1-10 Jaguars, the gloves have to come off.  And if you didn’t read that headline in your head with the voice of the NBA Jam announcer, you did it wrong.  Now we just need the people at the Daily News and the Post to start coming up with Jim Harbaugh puns, because he is absolutely, positively coming here*.

 

 

*PLEASE GOD

 

 

When your team starts the season 4-11 and their best player is already injured, you have to get excited about anything that will make you remotely happy.  So I am going to get psyched about the Greek Streak pinning people against the backboard like Leon did during his imaginary games in Above The Rim.  Do I wish that my team was competing for an Eastern Conference title like the Raptors or the #1 pick like the Sixers?  Sure.  But when life hands you lemons as a Knicks fan, you are just grateful that Isiah Thomas isn’t here to tell you that they are strawberries.

Sure the Greek Streak is raw as hell, but an athletic block is more exciting than almost any play on the court that isn’t a dunk.  I almost had more fun watching those YouTube highlights than I have had watching the Knicks all season.  Whenever Phil is done purging the roster of hot garbage,  Antetokounmpo needs to get a call up to The Association.  The guy hustles, plays with an infectious energy, and will immediately be a crowd favorite at The Garden.  Plus I will 100% be talking myself into The Greek Freak signing with the Knicks in a few years just because his brother plays here.  That’s what being a Knicks fan is all about now.  Looking forward to next year’s draft (when we actually have a 1st round pick) and convincing yourself that the best free agents will want to play in a big, cold city with an income tax and a volume shooting superstar.  #Knickstape, baby!