Of Course A Man Caught A Three-Eyed Fish In Brooklyn

Eyewitness News– Video from an Eyewitness News viewer shows what appears to be a three-eyed catfish that was captured in the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn. Greg Hunter, who shot the video, said a bunch of people crowded around the man who caught it.

“Some lady was flipping out cause he wacked it dead and she said they were trying to preserve the remaining wildlife there or something,” said Hunter in an email. “It was a crazy scene.” According to Hunter, the fisherman who caught it said he was planning to eat it.

 

Ahhh, New York City. The city so nice they have fish growing extra eyes like a character from the goddamn Simpsons. I guess paying a shit ton of rent for a shoebox apartment in a city full of pests doesn’t get you what it used to.  And how about this goddamn guy planning to eat the fish?  Such a New York move.  We are able to put the smelly homeless people and overcrowded trains out of our mind as long as we can get some moments of peace fishing out of the Gowanus Canal and eat some sort of mutant animal with our family.  I ❤ NY.

 

P.S. That better not be one of those googly eyes from arts & crafts class glued to a fish.  That would be the meanest Internet hoax ever.  Killing a fish and gluing a googly eye to it’s head is pure evil.

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The Clem Report’s Review Of The 2015 Lay’s “Do Us A Flavor” Finalists

Big day at the Casa de Clem today. Big day! pic.twitter.com/C0tjaHbkVM

— Clem (@TheClemReport) September 15, 2015

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Last year, I did a review of all the flavors for the Lay’s Do Us A Flavor contest, which helped get me started down this long, cholesterol-raising road of food reviews.  So being the man of honor that I strive to be, I have decided to do the reviews with the four new flavors of 2015: Southern Biscuits And Gravy, West Coast Truffle Fries, New York Ruben, and Greektown Gyro.  Onto the reviews.

Southern Biscuits And Gravy:

Rating: 7.8

Pretty damn good.  They kinda tasted like the turkey and gravy chips I reviewed at Thanksgiving time.    Are they better than last year’s winner (in my mind at least) Bacon Mac N Cheese?  Nope.  Or Cappuccino?  Probably not.  But they are decent.  And any time you get to listen to a little bit of Ludacris as you eat junk food, life isn’t all that bad.

West Coast Truffle Fries:

Rating: 4.2

Now this one broke my heart.  Whenever someone orders truffle fries for the table, I will likely say something like “Oh, that’s cool.  I’ll probably have a couple.”  And then I do not hear another word of conversation at the table until the fries arrive because they are all I am thinking about.  So yeah, I like truffle fries.  But these things were a goddamn traveshamockery on that wonderful food.  

New York Reuben:

Rating: 1.2.  

The brief whiff of these chips almost made me throw up.  But I gave them a shot anyway.  As you can see in the video, it’s a gradual decline from tasting to disliking to pure hatred.  When I say it tasted like a subway, I meant one of those subway trains where there is a homeless person that is asleep/dead in the corner and you can never get that smell out of your nose.  Yup, that bad.

Greektown Gyro:

Rating: 0. Zero. A goddamn goose egg. The worst actual food I have ever tasted.  Bigfoot’s dick level of disgusting.

 

So there are my reviews for this batch of Lay’s Do Us A Flavor chips. To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click play below or select the video you would like to watch by clicking the icon in the upper-lefthand corner and choose a review.

 

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Did Suge Knight Admit To Injecting Eazy-E With AIDS On Jimmy Kimmel Back In 2003?

Wait, what?!?  Granted this video is more than 10 years old and Eazy-E died 20 years ago, but can you really put anything past Suge Knight?  I went to see Straight Outta Compton the other night and was scared of Suge Knight the entire time, and that was while he was being played by an actor in a movie.  Cigar in mouth, dressed head-to-toe in red, cocky as hell.  He is and always will be the scariest dude on the planet.

And to be honest, you could sell me on the fact that Suge Knight has committed any murder that he wasn’t in prison for (and was the mastermind behind every murder that happened while he was in prison).  I bet if you gave Sarah Koenig and Serial some time, we could have Suge in prison for the murder of Hae.  Suge Knight is to violence what Mike Trout is to baseball.  There are really no limits to his abilities.  Just a once in a lifetime talent.  Injecting someone with AIDS during the mid-90’s would be a reach for basically every other person on the planet other than Suge Knight.

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Impossible Music Question: Which Of The Two Main Jurassic Park Songs Is The Best?

So with Jurassic World coming out soon, I figured this was the best time to ask this question. Whenever I think of the Jurassic Park song, I think of when they enter the park for the first time. But to be fair, the actual theme to Jurassic Park is a whole lot of Johm Williams awesomeness and a ton of people probably associate that more with the movie. So it’s time to ask the impossible question. Which Jurassic Park song is better?

Song A:

Or

Song B:

VOTE BELOW:

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15 Second Food Review: Welch’s PB&J Snacks

Final Rating: 5.5/10. Kind of weird, kind of good. Still not sure what to make of these snacks. They also had strawberry jelly flavored snacks, but if you use strawberry jelly on your PB&J, you are a flat out lunatic. And I will not debate the crust issue. Crust on pizza = AWESOME. Crust on grilled cheese = good. Crust on PB&J = :Spit:

That was me spitting on my computer. That’s how strongly I feel about it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to clean my monitor.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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15 Second Food Review: Ben & Jerry’s Tonight Dough Ice Cream

Final Rating: 9.6/10. First off, let me be clear on this. Ben & Jerry’s is easily the best ice cream around. They make their products the right way because they are a bunch of crunchy hippies, so the base of the ice cream is good. And then they pack it with the most extras in the game. Tonight Dough is caramel & chocolate ice creams with chocolate cookie swirls & cobs of chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cookie dough. Long story short, every single on of those flavors hits. I am more of a vanilla fan than a chocolate fan, though. That’s why I couldn’t rate it a perfect 10. But this ice cream received the best rating I have ever given a food since I started doing this bloggin nonsense. I have been to the Ben & Jerry’s factory multiple times and the longest minutes of my life are experienced during the ride home after buying some fresh Ben & Jerry’s from the store. So when I say this is the best Ben & Jerry’s ice cream I have ever had, you know it comes from the heart.

And I feel just as passionately about my stance on Kimmel being better than Fallon.  Fallon has some funny skits and ideas.  But Jimmy Kimmel is just infinitely funnier/cooler than Fallon.  And oh yeah, Kimmel would never EVER pull a stunt like this.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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15 Second Food Review: Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cereal

Final Rating: 6.4/10. Cookies and creme is one of my favorite ice cream flavors. And the candy bar is good as hell too. But there is something missing in this cereal. Not a ton of flavor is present and it just feels wrong to eat a candy bar without a lot of flavor. And don’t get me wrong, i LOVE Reese’s Puffs. In fact, I think it’s safe to say Reese’s Puffs are my favorite cereal. But these things don’t hold a candle to Reese’s Puffs. And to be honest, the Cookies ‘n’ Creme box shouldn’t even come close to having a similar looking label to Reese’s Puffs. It’s sacrilegious.  Go to hell, Cookies ‘n’ Creme cereal.  OK, that was kind of strong.  But still, you suck.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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15 Second Food Review: Chocolate Covered Twinkies

Final Rating: 9.2/10. Wow. That’s all I can really say after eating these Chocolate Covered Twinkies. They were much better than I was ready for them to be. The best way I can compare how good they are is by referencing the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Twinkies are like Wes. A name everybody knows about when discussing desserts/The Challenge. But they are truly nothing special in the grand scheme of things. But the season where Wes was on steroids and destroyed the competition? That is what Twinkies dipped in chocolate tastes like. Contenders for the title. Is that a bold statement? Yes. But I wholeheartedly stand by it. Chocolate Covered Twinkies = Wes From MTV: The Challenge. Where else can you get analysis like that?

P.S. This review was done outside while having a picnic on a blanket. Try and be more wholesomely American than eating Twinkies during a picnic. You can’t.

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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15 Second Review: French Toast Crunch

Final Rating: 8.9/10.  Unlike some of the reviews I have done in the past, this actually tastes like the food it is imitating.  French toast rules and French Toast Crunch tastes like French toast.  I missed French Toast Crunch the first time it made its rounds in grocery stores, but I’m happy I didn’t miss the encore performance.  The geniuses at Cinnamon Toast Crunch have done it again!

In related news, I have been eating a lot of cereal for lunch lately.  Nothing will make you feel like more of a poor person than eating cold cereal for lunch more than in emergencies (and even in the emergencies, you feel pretty poor).  

To view the rest of my 15-second food reviews, simply click the word Playlist at the top of the video below and choose a review.

 

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Celebrate Opening Day By Listening To Me On “Put It In The Podcast” For Some Mets Season Predictions

After appearing on the podcast a few weeks ago, I rejoined the Put It In The Podcast show to talk about Mets seasons predictions and discuss the recent moves (Lagares contract and actually acquiring living, breathing left-handed pitchers for the bullpen) in this episode. Oh yeah, and things get kind of weird.

Listen to the episode below and check out all episodes of the podcast on iTunes by clicking here. Happy Opening Day to all*!  (*Mets fans only)

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